You could die at literally any moment.

Seriously – even by the time you finish reading this paragraph you could have contracted Ebola and shit your own face off, been struck by seven seperate bolts of lightening, been vapourised in a nuclear holocaust, been torn apart by rabid weasels or even set on fire by laughing blue pixies. Infact, the likelihood is that you will die, almost certainly within the next half-hour or so, and definitely in the most horrifying and painful way imaginable.

Unless you get protection.

Thank the weeping beard of Christ, then, for the Quantum Sleeper. This may look like an ordinary foldaway bed, but take a closer look – it’s actually ‘a high-level security system designed for maximum protection in various hostile environments’ which ‘can also be fitted to provide protection from destructive forces of nature such as tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes and floods’.

Best of all? You can even hook up your DVD player inside. So – when the giant lizard men finally pull out their magic death-guns and roam the planet on a manic killing rampage – you can be safe and sound, spending some quality time with those Top Cat season boxsets.

Ah, Benny! Will you ever learn?

Check out the Quantum Sleeper here