Here's a treat for all you celebrity memorabilia lovers – especially you celebrity memorabilia lovers with a morbid fascination about depressed young soft-porn stars who'll end up dying messy premature deaths – it's Anna Nicole Smith's diary!
According to reports, tomorrow will see the auction of two diaries written by Anna Nicole Smith in the early 1990s that apparently detail her hatred of sex, her love for elderly billionaire J Howard Marshall and her constant depression. Despite Howard K Stern's repeated claims that the diaries were stolen from Anna Nicole Smith and should be returned to her estate, the auction will still go ahead. Oh, and Anna Nicole Smith's diaries are all written in a super-large childlike scrawl, so even the most short-sighted of ghoulish wealthy sickos will be able to enjoy Anna Nicole Smith's relentlessly bleak attitude to life.
Here's some advance warning for you – this Anna Nicole Smith thing is never going to end. Even though all the major loose-ends concerning Anna Nicole Smith's death have been cleared up – Anna Nicole Smith died from a prescription drug overdose by accident, got buried in the Bahamas and had it off with Larry Birkhead until he got her pregnant – dribs and drab of Anna Nicole fact keep dribbling out, and we're just assuming this'll continue until the end of time now.
One new Anna Nicole Smith drib – or possibly a drab – is the announcement that two diaries that she kept in the early 1990s will be auctioned off in Texas tomorrow despite recently-defeated Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy Howard K Stern trying to block the sale, claiming that the diaries were stolen.
Doug Norwine, the director of music and entertainment memorabilia at Heritage Auction Galleries – the auction house that is selling the diaries – maintains that the diaries were not stolen and, since he thinks he can get $100,000 each for them, is pushing ahead with the Anna Nicole Smith auction anyway, as CBS reports:
Norwine said he had vetted the history of the journals and believed they were legitimately obtained by a celebrity memorabilia dealer in Los Angeles before they went up for sale on eBay. "In the absence of a judge stopping this auction, this auction will go forward," Norwine said Thursday. "After the auction we'll determine what happens. We will continue to take the high road."
But what is contained within these Anna Nicole Smith diaries? The Heritage Auction Galleries website contains excerpts that prove Anna Nicole Smith was always a bit miserable. In the 1992 diary, Anna Nicole Smith apparently wrote:
"Went to the mall today caught myself looking at baby stuff I hope Im not pregnant…I dont no what I will do if I am… I'm ready for Al to go home! But he wants to stay the night. Yuck!!… Well today was Daniels [her son] 1st day of camp. He had a great time… Today was a okay day…Someone ran over my cat yesterday I was real sad."
And in the 1994 journal, Anna Nicole Smith wrote:
"Jesus loves you yes he does Jesus love me to. He looks from up above at me and you… My husbands [J. Howard Marshall] very sick and weak, Theres nothing I can do I want each hour to comfort him with medicines and prayers… When you touch him Im afraid he might break…"
It goes without saying that whoever ends up buying these Anna Nicole Smith diaries will rush them into publication as fast as possible, meaning that soon we'll all be able to go into a bookshop and pay to experience the creepy paranoia of a born-again Christian who refuses to sleep in case her in-laws sneak into the hospital and murder her elderly husband.
Well, maybe not all of us will want to read something as morbid as Anna Nicole Smith's diary. Like us – we can't imagine anything worse that sitting around reading the innermost thoughts of an obviously distressed individual. We're probably just going to wait for the movie instead.
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