Robert Pattinson is caught in a love triangle – and by ‘love triangle’ we aren’t referring to his weird pointy face.
No, we’re talking about his New Moon castmates. Apparently, Robert Pattinson’s ridiculous hair, odd smell and total lack of charisma have driven a wedge between Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed, who are competing for his attention.
It looks like Robert Pattinson is caught in your classic love triangle. Or love rhombus if you count Robert Pattinson’s self-infatuation. Or several love enneakaidecagons if you count all the involuntarily-urinating teenage girls who’d cut their arms off if Robert Pattinson even noticed them.
Not so long ago we told you that Robert Pattinson stinks. However, it would appear that this isn’t true. Or, if it is true, the only things that Robert Pattinson stinks of are bull musk and those synthetic pheromones you buy from the back of newspapers that smell like cat piss and don’t work and the company won’t refund you when you complain about it and you still can’t get a girlfriend and you glumly resign yourself to the fact that you’re going to grow old and die alone. Completely alone. Uh, we heard.
Anyway, our point is that it’s impossible to even consider that the rumours are true and Robert Pattinson smells like a dead moose after an hour at the experimental rancid yoghurt taxidermy centre. He can’t smell bad, because if reports are to be believed, just about the entire female cast of New Moon are fighting each other for his attention.
Apparently one of the girls keen to get her claws into Robert Pattinson is Kristen Stewart, the woman who most recently claimed that she definitely wasn’t having sex with Robert Pattinson. And the other one is Nikki Reed, who we haven’t really heard of but probably stands a better chance with Robert Pattinson because she doesn’t look like a crayon picture of Elvis Presley drawn from memory by a little autistic boy. According to Socialite Life:
“The girls are competing for Rob’s attention. Kristen and Nikki both like him, and it’s getting ugly,” a source tells Star magazine. To make matters worse, Rob encourages their efforts by visiting each of their hotel rooms, the spy claims.
It’s sad to see this sort of behaviour get in the way of New Moon like this. If Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed continue to be blinded by their inexplicable lust for Robert Pattinson, they’ll take their eyes off the ball professionally and forget to make New Moon into the relentlessly mediocre, lazily-written, opportunistically cynical dollop of instantly-forgettable teen fodder that it deserves to be remembered as.
Also, we want to Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed to back off for their own sakes here. Not because it cheapens their image to think of them as little more than lust-spazzed sex pests hell-bent on getting into Robert Pattinson’s pants, but because Dakota Fanning is going to be in New Moon, and we heard that she fights dirty. Honestly, Kristen Stewart had better not come running to us when she wakes up one morning to see that someone’s shaved all her hair off and spiked her drink with that powder that makes you go sterile. That’s all we’re saying.
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colette Butterly says
Thanks for cheering my dull monday morning up i need a good laugh and it did the trick.
Oh to be 20 again!!!!
hukamata says
This article is such a load of bull! It is very malicious towards all 3 of them, they are people they HAVE feelings. You journalists don’t seem to understand that these PEOPLE are entitled to their private lives. They are constantly harassed by the paparrazzi and journalists about things that are mostly untrue and intrusion into their lives.
If you agree with my comment please reply and tell me via this website.
Thanks
jess says
If the story of “Robert Pattinson” smelling was brought to us by you and we now know that it is complete tripe. What chance is there that any of the contents of this article is true?
Amanda says
I call bullshit on this one. First of all, Kristin has a boyfriend, and she’s best friends with Nikki so she wouldn’t let some guy affect their friendship. Quit making up shit just because you can’t get the truth asshole.
ShinySilverVolvo says
This is so ridiculous. Do you think anyone will believe this stuff? Have you ever WORKED ON set filming a movie? If you HAVE then you know that this type of behaviour is NOT tolerated.
The cast of New Moon are all pretty tight. They read your preposterious rubbish and simply roll their eyes and laugh it off.
If you continue to write (if you even call it writing) rubbish like this, your career will come to a screeching halt. The only ones who would even entertain the thought of believing one bit of what you’ve written are 13 year olds.
Grow up, write a decent editorial or 2 and see if you an get a REAL journalism job!!
JK says
It’s satirical people! Thanks for making me laugh my *ss off this morning. This article brings to light the ridiculousness of so many of the “real” theories going on about these three. Too funny.
Becks says
I totally agree with your comments. I wish people would get there facts right before saying such rubbish! Do they not realise that saying such things could cause trouble or maybe thats what they want!!! Well I know for certain that I am not going to believe a single word of it! Even if it were true who cares!!! Robert Pattinson is a great actor and very pleasing to the eye for all ages (including myself). I love the film and cant wait for New Moon to come out in November thats all I am interested in. And anyway, he is young and living his life as a twenty something should be living it! you only live once!
alisha (lishi) says
LOL I HOPE KRIS GETS HIM
ANGELICA says
stop this nonsense kristen is in love with micheal he is her soul mate. just because she and rob romantically involve in the movie she will fell for him. she has more sense than brad pitt although she’s only 19
Tara says
OMG forreal! Its pretty clear that whoever wrote this article has nothing better to do with their time then to sit around and type stupid stuff!!
**Hey writer…I have an idea! Why dont you go back to gernalist school and study on how to become a GOOD writer!? lol! You obvisouly need more practice on getting “facts” straight! So funny…as much crap as the world is in, and of all the things that could do the world good for reporters to report…and this yahoo writes some crap like things! How helpful! NOOOOOOOOOOT!
Get a life.
April says
OMG people! Get a sense of humor!! I am a huge fan too, but even I can appreciate a little humor at the ridiculous stories coming from the “on set source”. And for anyone who gets Robert Pattinson’s humor, he’s probably laughing his *ss off too!
Cathie says
WOW!!! Jealousy sure is an ugly thing!!!! The writer of this article should just go ahead and put a sign on their forhead saying “MY LIFE SUCKS AND IM SO JEALOUS OF THE SUCCESS AND LIFE OF OTHERS THAT I HAVE TO WASTE MY TIME RATTLING JUNK FROM MY MOUTH ABOUT PEOPLE AND THINGS I KNOW TRULY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT…” Ok, that’s a little long, so how bout the sign just say “LOSER”!!! That shoudl sum it up!!!
Seriously??? Rob Pattinson is one of the worlds most sought after people, period. If you want to BE like him, than get off your rear and assert yourself instead of bad mouthing someone or something you are obviously clueless about!!!
Larry says
I agree…and im a guy. but i agree this article is stupid. its all people talking and they dont know what they are even talking about. thats why i dont read anyones articles. i wait to watch the interviews with the actual people. you cant trust what people write. sad but true.
Thandi says
This z bullshit.who does the writter think he z jugdin kristin’s look or any1 else 4 that matter.and please who would honestly believe this love triangle crap is any1 forgetting kris has bf honestly rob z hot but z not worth throwing a relationship for or friendship.the writer has nothing better to with life than make up bull,makes ur life better,right? Get a life or better yet another job.
tammrn says
i hope you don’t actually get paid to write this crap…..first of all it’s so ridiculous…seriously???….rob self-infatuated?????doubt that…if you read the articles of people who actually know how to be a journalist you would know from his multiple interviews how humble & shy he really is as well as taken back by his own fame…..oh & didn’t your grammar teacher ever tell you about “run-on sentences”??????
Kerri says
Bitter much? A little jealous?
IZA says
Just wondering they are so many FAKE myspace pages for Rob.. BUT if u go here and see the comments and his friend what do u think?http://www.myspace.com/robpattinsonpersonal
amariama says
Heee-heeeeeeee! The funniest part is not the article (altho, props to the “gernalist” fer shur). But the comments, oh, lord, oh, lord, you sure did hook the Twilittles!
Rose says
thought he was gorgeous…but he’s just becoming uglier and uglier the more i hear about him. a-holes aren’t good looking to me.
Rose says
unless this article IS b.s. ;-)
Laura Schwartz says
Why am I reading such drivel? Goodbye!
Julia says
I completely agree, this article is complete crap and made me so angry. And to slag off New Moon is just ridiculous after the response that Twilight the film and the 4 books has had over the past few years.
tina says
i think that the writer is such an ass! first of all kristen has a BF and second nikki and kristen r like best of friends, but I gotta say this article was kind of funny. lol!
jingly says
to the writer of this piece of crap – from the fact that ur a guy, its pretty obvious that you’re jealous of the fact that he’s better than u in every way, just like every other guy out there
Jocelyn says
Seriously, what a bunch of hateful, tacky, drivel. Why this writer is employed is beyond me. Jealous or self loathing? Do tell us dear.
vampire princess says
i think what they said about them was horrible and he doesnt smell it was a horrible romour. he doesnt have a funny shaped head otherwise every teeneage girl wouldnt be crushing on him dur and kristens got a boyfriend and there going steady so it makes no sense
Susan says
Wow – your source is Star Magazine, well that makes it ligit, not. What a load of BS. It is past April fools day – Idiot! If you are trying to write fiction please don’t put it out there as “fact”. Some of have better things to do than try to help you with your writing career.
Kathy says
I agree wholeheartedly, I hate gossip…it is none of our business. What a turn off to read this kind of “crap”, are there any professional journalists left out there? If there isn’t a story, they create one. The cast is a bunch of young people, doing what young people do…I’m thankful no one is tracking my kids behavior like this. I guess my hope is that everyone ignores it…including the subjects of the article.
hayley85 says
I agree with you completely this article is a load of rubbish!
These are professional actors we are talking about here, I don’t think they have the time to worry about “love triangles”!!!
Kristen Stewart has a boyfriend so these kind of rubbish articles could have a damaging affect on her relationship & it’s making Robert Pattinson look like an idiot!
It must be so hard being hounded by paparrazi all the time but not to mention having to put up these insane stories being fabricated!
Even if it is true big deal, he’s a gorgeous young lad surrounded by gorgeous women – make the most of it I say lol! I’d be throwing myself at him too if I was there haha!
jamcuo says
OH. MY. GOD.. People…really. Take a deep breath, push the hair out of your faces and dust off your Edward Cullen t-shirt. This article is a lampoon—uh, ironical? satirical? He’s just having a laugh. He’s not serious, he’s totally being tongue-and-cheek.
That aside, dude, you are hilarious! Excellently written and I particularly love this part: “a crayon picture of Elvis Presley drawn from memory by a little autistic boy.” LOL–comedic gold!
Sawyer says
The article is funny, but I don’t believe any of it. The writer got to be jealous or abit obsess much! But as a mother and activist of children who suffers from Autism… How dare YOU!!
Your article here is as informative as Mad Magazine. Only for entertainment purposes. I only hope that the gulliable don’t fall for any the bull patties you like to sling.
Aw!! My time is so precious than dealing with the likes of you. You only have to look back wondering when karma will get you back.
mssh says
Really this journalist is an ugly bitter big LOOSER. I bet he’s wishing have been gifted as Rob. Rob got all his gifts from the sweet God. Rob is respectul for the others private life, unselfish, talented, beautiful and wonderfull actor. God bless him always for giving us his art. I pray for his success. I’m not a teenager I’m 55 and believe me, the world need more young talented people like Rob, and all those young cast in Twilight saga movies with great carriers as actors and actresses, not like this jealous looser seating behind a desk calling himself “journalist” I feel sorry for him, poor fool ashole !!!Please young people read and learn a lot prepare, educate yourself for make this world a better place and leave the ones who doing a great job giving their art and talens. Don’t invent histories!!! And all those young people 18 and under try to become a positive good productive person remember on your hands is the future of this world. LEAVE MY SON ROB ALONE.
M M D says
I’ve got 4 words for you buddy:
Oh get a life!
PS- the exclamation point is a bonus. ;-)
Sammy says
I totally agree with you. I hate gossip and I think it’s really unfair when journalists just write stories about a celebrity’s private life for anyone to read especially if they are untrue.
Amber says
Why do I waste my time reading this BULLSH!T ?!?!
rose says
LEAVE BRITNEY, I MEAN EDWARD, ALONE! LMAO…
hayden says
even thought I disagree with most of the article, it is funny as shit. Thanks for making me laugh on a dreery Monday morning!
jade says
the guy writing this needs some help. Such a gutter mind, Kristin look sso mature and Nikki looks like such a nice person. And Rob is such a sweet heart.
Twilighter says
ok what is with the badmouthing twilight and it’s cast
arent you being just a little bit rude and i as a twilight fan am offended.
tanja says
it was a good laugh, but what is the funniest or saddest is that these things actually amuse us. i am still shocked that i am here reading this crap i think i am bordering on being a bit pathetic. things here in South Africa are pretty dull at the moment specialy with the upcomming elections and not having someone really sicnificant to vote for. yes and wouldn’t mind being 20 again too, then at least it would justify me being here
tanja
Mandy says
I completely agree. I think it’s driven out of jealousy to be honest. Robert Pattinson is very good looking and talented, although I prefer his music over acting. I think they are all very talented actors/actresses. It’s a shame that they can’t truly enjoy their job without being harassed. They have paparazzi, teenage girls, and crazy fans to worry about too! People always want to tear you down when you’re on top of the world. Celebrities are normal people, just like the rest of us. They just have much cooler jobs than most of us, LOL. I’ve seen comments that people leave and it just blows my mind!
Mandy says
Very well said. I couldn’t agree with you more.
s says
dude,
it wasnt meant as humor, it was meant to hook some attention
to the mag and the writer…
when times are hard and you got nothin, u use what u got…
and guess wat? the mags okay with it, cause thats how u
drum up business…
bring em in with a sensational line that goes no where, but
who cares…
what is funny, is that the author, has no game, and no place
to go, but to a cheesy place like this…
still i bet its enough to pay the bills and than some, so good
luck with that… muahahahahah
Ashleyjean says
That’ll bring you around on a Monday…
Also, we want to Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed to back off for their own sakes here. Not because it cheapens their image to think of them as little more than lust-spazzed sex pests hell-bent on getting into Robert Pattinson
pink says
whoever wrote this article is stupid first of nikii and kristen are friends and i dont think they can fight over something small like rob secondly kristen has a boyfriend they’ve been together for 4yrs now so pliz shut the hell up
gilbert wham says
Fish in a fucking barrel.
Jason says
I wear pheromones, and they work and don’t smell like cat piss. They are called alphaero pheromones to be exact. Maybe Robert should get a bottle. I think Kristen Stewart should go out on a date with me, ’cause I smell good and have charisma. Which is more than a lot of guys can say.
amariama says
Kids, when you grow up, you will learn about something called “satire” (a subcategory of “humor”) and you will learn to appreciate stories like this. Meanwhile, rage on, you amuse us.
Deana says
For all of you who is wondering if any of this is true Let me inform you. I know both Kris and Nikki personally (we met a while ago through my aunt) and all of this is trash. Rob doesn’t even see himself as being “all that”. Kris is madly in love. This story is complete and utter rubbish and it is really stupid that this imbecile would want to be known for writing such filth.
On another note, the writer made a comment about twilight (the movie and books) being garbage. My response to that is Stephanie is a best-selling author and he’s making chump change writing puff pieces, what a sell out.
Ley says
Don’t get your panties in a bunch, you guys. This is supposed to be ENTERTAINMENT. I certainly found it amusing. This is part of being famous: to have articles written about you, whether they’re true or not. It’s nothing to freak out over. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. It’s not like you really know any of them.
Sunny says
Wow, you’re right I can smell you from here.
You can have Kristen, distract her, then I can waylay Rob. It’ll be like team work. *high five*
Sunny says
I adore raging fans. They’re so cute.
Sunny says
“lust-spazzed sex pests” Love. That. Haul out the Pest spray, I’ve dibs on that stinky hunka loving vampire playah.
(Thanks for the heads up Stu, just returned from roaming the Big Real today and love a good giggle back here at the Sunshine Ranch. Oh, adore your fans.)
Emily says
i sooo totally agree with you i mean they are people and they do have lives and like let them live it how they want to live it if kristen and nikki want to ruin their careers trying to get into robs pants gp ahead and let them its nobody elses business what they do.i mean that is completly rediculous becasue kristen has a boyfriend and nikki is too good for him if ya ask me, dont get me wrong i love rob and all its just that if hes like in couraging them to do this hes not worth ruining their careers cuz like if you think about it these movies bring in alot of money to all of them i mean think about how many twihard fans they have in just one if they amek them all [ wich i hope they do.] they will be the most loved actors/actresses ever hellloooo do you know how many girks are obsessed with rob and how many guys that saw the movie with their girls are obsessed with kristen adn nikki? i mean its just common sense. and it is going to ruin their careers cuz dakota is sucj a fke person shes not going to care what she does to them, she is just going to do what ever it takes to get to rob (like any other sane woman in the world).
Gypsy princess says
You guys – your comments are more funny than this article. Take a chill pill and for those of you who can’t spell, I suggest you use a dictionary. Gernalist indeed… For future reference (whoever you are) it’s spelt journalist… ;p
Lyn-Z says
o please! this article is the gayest! and most untrue! i dont know why i even bothered to read the whole thing…. i guess to read the rest of the ottrocity!
dgaf says
i agree with the person above…. i still think tht people should stop spreading these rumors about people, its hella sad.
but hello people, its 4 20, get happy, get high, lmao.
shelby says
Somebody is jealous :)… three guesses who.
stupid says
u know its funny how little of a life u ppl have. im completely amused by u all thats y i come on here and read this stuff. cause u all r a bunch of freakin idiots who have no life whats so ever. haha can we say losers. i mean what person who has a life actually believes the crap that these idiots who dont have a real job and can only work the gossip beat have to say.
Michelle says
I found this very boorish and full of poopoo. Thank you for wasting about 2 minutes of my time.
terry says
I really agree with the “Twilight is garbage” part. I like Pattinson, he
ashlee says
this blog is SO FUNNY.
cathy says
bahaha thankyou very much for that
made my day
:)
Gabriella A. says
This article is so full of senseless talk that is unreal and full of prevarication. What kind of journalism is this when the writer presents such fabrications to distribute a story? Appalling !
Hannah says
Whoever wrote this article needs to get a life. Just because they are celebrities doesn’t mean you should be ride and say terrible things about them. Everyone should stop believing those stupid articles about the love triangle. Kristen has a boyfriend! Give these people their privacy and stop being rude!
Charlene says
I would love to know who this “source” is that keeps popping up in all these stories!?!
stephanie says
hahahaha that would be sooo funny to see little dakota fanning and robert pattinson!!!!ik its gross but it would be funny
nina says
“here, here”! or waterver seth says…
i agree with what you say Hannah. I’m glad this person “can
Sunny says
The “source” is rather how some might refer to God; omnipresent, all knowing.
gebz says
hahahah this is halarious!
wow i couldnt agree more!
ridiculous says
LOL
Natalie says
Who peed in this guys cheerios? It’s all in good fun & cool that teens have a clean romantic series they can enjoy. The media (look in a mirror!!!)is making it big drama behind the scenes but the core story to the books is a sweet love story that got my kids reading again!!!
Tessa says
I dont care how much they try to cover it up. Rob did stink and if you look back even Kirsten talked about it months before New Moon started. So Kirsten could care less about Rob romantically, they are just friends. She has a lot more class then he does by standing by her boyfriend for the last 3 years. Nikki wake up. Take a good look at yourself. Dont lower your standards. You are way to beautiful for this crap. Have some self respect. Rob has no class. Hes going to sleep with whatever dumb girl comes along thats after him because they think hes Edward or his fame. Either way he is being used. Wake up girls. He’s no Edward!!!! I cant wait for the fog to clear. Stephanie, Loved the book. You are amazing!!!!
veronica says
no one cares about dakota there are already problem with this movie ther not gonna make it to ECLIPSE or BREAKING DAWN and those are the best book of all 4
MILANI says
U R SO RITE!!! PEOPLE NEED TO MIND THERE OWN BUSINESS I LUV TWILIGHT IM THE HUSETS FAN OUT THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. U COULD ASK ME ANY QUESTION AND ILL ANSWER RITE AWY. WITH IN 2 SEC. AND IM ONLY 12 I READ EACH BOOK 832 TIMES IM ON MY WAY TO REED IT WRITE NOW. I HATE ROSALIE AKA NIKKI REED. SHE NEEDS TO GET A LIFE!!!!!!!! and i heard from a responsilbe source that ROB..PATZ has a crush On BELLA aka kristen. BUT SHE had a boyfriend at the time. idk if she still does but she wouldnt date rob edward i luv him . ANyway email me back i need a response to this info email ttfn!!!!!!!
M says
as i said bfore i need to refrase that this is b.s in plain inglidsh mind ur business or ull hear form my agent lol
MILANI CULLEN/ BLACK says
actually veronica THERE WNT B A BREAKING DAWN MOVIE IF U WERE A TRU FAN U WOULD NOW THAT. THEY CANT BCUZ THEY CANT MAKE RENESME GROW AS QUICKLY AS THEY DESCRIBE ITS 2 FAST . SRRY TO B MEEN BUT UR COMMENT BOTHERD MWE . AND I LIKE DAKOTA FANNING SO THERE ! I CANT WAIT TILL SHE APPEARS ON IT . SHES BETTA THE TRASHY ROSALIE
hannah says
i agree this is rude and she has a boyfriend who she cares about very much.And nikki is very good friends with k and rob so they wouldnt let a stupid thing ruin a chance at a great movie
Kell says
seriously.. whoever wrote this is retarded. grow up because the rude things you write is pathetic. your clearly jealous if you have to say all those rediculous sings. you sound like a two-year-old
Nicole says
I agree that whoever wrote this is being extremely rude. Unless you’re up close and personal with these people, stop spreading ridiculous rumors about them. I don’t know why people target famous people so much (perhaps they really are jealous), but put yourself in their shoes. This sort of teenage drama happens with almost everyone. How would you like it if your love life was published with rude comments? And that’s if this is even true, which you can’t prove. Some people just like spreading nasty rumors, and you seem to be one of them. Please, focus on your own life and stop trashing other people.
Spindellini says
Wow in your most recent trash talk you insulted the medically incontinent- how about you go to the VADERS website and make yourself useful learning about what REAL people struggle with everyday. I have a loved one that is incontinent but he is also the most beautiful soul you will ever meet in your life and more intelligent at the age of seven then you will ever be. Also I doubt Nikki Reed is going to take your advice when you just insulted her autistic brother. My two year old son is also autistic and he draws better than you write. Do you get paid for writing this crap? If so you should return the money because you obviously fail to do your homework. Yesterday I stumbled onto your site for the first time and today will be my last. You should hope that Pattinson has a long beautiful career since writing his name seems to be the only draw you have to pull in any readers.
Emy says
HAH! I only had to read the first sentence to know you were some jealous guy. First off Rob is not self-infatuated AT ALL. Second he has great hair, all charisma you could ever want and im sure he smells just delicious!
So you leave him alone or I will bring my army of Twi-hards/Rpattzers on your a**!!!!
by the way very funny artice! ^_^
Leeanne says
that article is very biased. the attitude – although it’s your own opinion – has too much all over the article. whatever facts or supposed news you had to tell was covered over with opinions and such… p.s. kirsten has a bf and seems very happy.. you are just starting/making up something that isn’t there
wandering says
Seriously what is with the “14 year-old girls peeing themselves” line? You use it in just about every article you’ve written. You’re stunted creativity amazes me. And honestly, for all the complaining you do, you’ve written a shitload about him… someone needs to get a life… or just get laid
alina says
you are a bitter ugly person. For to say all that things about them.
Leave they alone and get a life!!!!