All Of New Moon Fight Over Robert Pattinson’s Pants
Robert Pattinson is caught in a love triangle – and by ‘love triangle’ we aren’t referring to his weird pointy face.
No, we’re talking about his New Moon castmates. Apparently, Robert Pattinson’s ridiculous hair, odd smell and total lack of charisma have driven a wedge between Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed, who are competing for his attention.
It looks like Robert Pattinson is caught in your classic love triangle. Or love rhombus if you count Robert Pattinson’s self-infatuation. Or several love enneakaidecagons if you count all the involuntarily-urinating teenage girls who’d cut their arms off if Robert Pattinson even noticed them.
Not so long ago we told you that Robert Pattinson stinks. However, it would appear that this isn’t true. Or, if it is true, the only things that Robert Pattinson stinks of are bull musk and those synthetic pheromones you buy from the back of newspapers that smell like cat piss and don’t work and the company won’t refund you when you complain about it and you still can’t get a girlfriend and you glumly resign yourself to the fact that you’re going to grow old and die alone. Completely alone. Uh, we heard.
Anyway, our point is that it’s impossible to even consider that the rumours are true and Robert Pattinson smells like a dead moose after an hour at the experimental rancid yoghurt taxidermy centre. He can’t smell bad, because if reports are to be believed, just about the entire female cast of New Moon are fighting each other for his attention.
Apparently one of the girls keen to get her claws into Robert Pattinson is Kristen Stewart, the woman who most recently claimed that she definitely wasn’t having sex with Robert Pattinson. And the other one is Nikki Reed, who we haven’t really heard of but probably stands a better chance with Robert Pattinson because she doesn’t look like a crayon picture of Elvis Presley drawn from memory by a little autistic boy. According to Socialite Life:
“The girls are competing for Rob’s attention. Kristen and Nikki both like him, and it’s getting ugly,” a source tells Star magazine. To make matters worse, Rob encourages their efforts by visiting each of their hotel rooms, the spy claims.
It’s sad to see this sort of behaviour get in the way of New Moon like this. If Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed continue to be blinded by their inexplicable lust for Robert Pattinson, they’ll take their eyes off the ball professionally and forget to make New Moon into the relentlessly mediocre, lazily-written, opportunistically cynical dollop of instantly-forgettable teen fodder that it deserves to be remembered as.
Also, we want to Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed to back off for their own sakes here. Not because it cheapens their image to think of them as little more than lust-spazzed sex pests hell-bent on getting into Robert Pattinson’s pants, but because Dakota Fanning is going to be in New Moon, and we heard that she fights dirty. Honestly, Kristen Stewart had better not come running to us when she wakes up one morning to see that someone’s shaved all her hair off and spiked her drink with that powder that makes you go sterile. That’s all we’re saying.
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bahaha thankyou very much for that
made my day
Whoever wrote this article needs to get a life. Just because they are celebrities doesn’t mean you should be ride and say terrible things about them. Everyone should stop believing those stupid articles about the love triangle. Kristen has a boyfriend! Give these people their privacy and stop being rude!
“here, here”! or waterver seth says…
i agree with what you say Hannah. I’m glad this person “can’t get a girlfriend” and “glumly resign yourself to the fact that you’re going to grow old and die alone. Completely alone.” hahaha suked in
U R SO RITE!!! PEOPLE NEED TO MIND THERE OWN BUSINESS I LUV TWILIGHT IM THE HUSETS FAN OUT THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. U COULD ASK ME ANY QUESTION AND ILL ANSWER RITE AWY. WITH IN 2 SEC. AND IM ONLY 12 I READ EACH BOOK 832 TIMES IM ON MY WAY TO REED IT WRITE NOW. I HATE ROSALIE AKA NIKKI REED. SHE NEEDS TO GET A LIFE!!!!!!!! and i heard from a responsilbe source that ROB..PATZ has a crush On BELLA aka kristen. BUT SHE had a boyfriend at the time. idk if she still does but she wouldnt date rob edward i luv him . ANyway email me back i need a response to this info email ttfn!!!!!!!
as i said bfore i need to refrase that this is b.s in plain inglidsh mind ur business or ull hear form my agent lol
i agree this is rude and she has a boyfriend who she cares about very much.And nikki is very good friends with k and rob so they wouldnt let a stupid thing ruin a chance at a great movie
that article is very biased. the attitude – although it’s your own opinion – has too much all over the article. whatever facts or supposed news you had to tell was covered over with opinions and such… p.s. kirsten has a bf and seems very happy.. you are just starting/making up something that isn’t there
I would love to know who this “source” is that keeps popping up in all these stories!?!
The “source” is rather how some might refer to God; omnipresent, all knowing.
hahahaha that would be sooo funny to see little dakota fanning and robert pattinson!!!!ik its gross but it would be funny
hahahah this is halarious!
wow i couldnt agree more!
LOL
Who peed in this guys cheerios? It’s all in good fun & cool that teens have a clean romantic series they can enjoy. The media (look in a mirror!!!)is making it big drama behind the scenes but the core story to the books is a sweet love story that got my kids reading again!!!
I dont care how much they try to cover it up. Rob did stink and if you look back even Kirsten talked about it months before New Moon started. So Kirsten could care less about Rob romantically, they are just friends. She has a lot more class then he does by standing by her boyfriend for the last 3 years. Nikki wake up. Take a good look at yourself. Dont lower your standards. You are way to beautiful for this crap. Have some self respect. Rob has no class. Hes going to sleep with whatever dumb girl comes along thats after him because they think hes Edward or his fame. Either way he is being used. Wake up girls. He’s no Edward!!!! I cant wait for the fog to clear. Stephanie, Loved the book. You are amazing!!!!
no one cares about dakota there are already problem with this movie ther not gonna make it to ECLIPSE or BREAKING DAWN and those are the best book of all 4
actually veronica THERE WNT B A BREAKING DAWN MOVIE IF U WERE A TRU FAN U WOULD NOW THAT. THEY CANT BCUZ THEY CANT MAKE RENESME GROW AS QUICKLY AS THEY DESCRIBE ITS 2 FAST . SRRY TO B MEEN BUT UR COMMENT BOTHERD MWE . AND I LIKE DAKOTA FANNING SO THERE ! I CANT WAIT TILL SHE APPEARS ON IT . SHES BETTA THE TRASHY ROSALIE
seriously.. whoever wrote this is retarded. grow up because the rude things you write is pathetic. your clearly jealous if you have to say all those rediculous sings. you sound like a two-year-old
I agree that whoever wrote this is being extremely rude. Unless you’re up close and personal with these people, stop spreading ridiculous rumors about them. I don’t know why people target famous people so much (perhaps they really are jealous), but put yourself in their shoes. This sort of teenage drama happens with almost everyone. How would you like it if your love life was published with rude comments? And that’s if this is even true, which you can’t prove. Some people just like spreading nasty rumors, and you seem to be one of them. Please, focus on your own life and stop trashing other people.
Wow in your most recent trash talk you insulted the medically incontinent- how about you go to the VADERS website and make yourself useful learning about what REAL people struggle with everyday. I have a loved one that is incontinent but he is also the most beautiful soul you will ever meet in your life and more intelligent at the age of seven then you will ever be. Also I doubt Nikki Reed is going to take your advice when you just insulted her autistic brother. My two year old son is also autistic and he draws better than you write. Do you get paid for writing this crap? If so you should return the money because you obviously fail to do your homework. Yesterday I stumbled onto your site for the first time and today will be my last. You should hope that Pattinson has a long beautiful career since writing his name seems to be the only draw you have to pull in any readers.
HAH! I only had to read the first sentence to know you were some jealous guy. First off Rob is not self-infatuated AT ALL. Second he has great hair, all charisma you could ever want and im sure he smells just delicious!
So you leave him alone or I will bring my army of Twi-hards/Rpattzers on your a**!!!!
by the way very funny artice! ^_^
Seriously what is with the “14 year-old girls peeing themselves” line? You use it in just about every article you’ve written. You’re stunted creativity amazes me. And honestly, for all the complaining you do, you’ve written a shitload about him… someone needs to get a life… or just get laid
you are a bitter ugly person. For to say all that things about them.
Leave they alone and get a life!!!!