But this is a problem. Because when people star in a movie together, everyone assumes that they’re having a torrid real-life affair. It’s why Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart always look so miserable. Well, that and their innate lack of charisma.
And Kirsten Stewart wants you to know that she isn’t romantically involved with Robert Pattinson. You know what this means, Robert Pattinson fans? It means you still have a chance with your hero! Once you hit puberty! So in about six years, roughly!
Without question, Twilight has made Robert Pattinson a star. Unfortunately the star it’s made him into seems to be Nick Kamen, ensuring that an entire generation will grow up to be slightly horrified that they could have ever found such a faux-brooding barbershop model sexually attractive.
It’s sort of trapped Robert Pattinson in an uneviable position – he might be one of the world’s most lusted-after men, but the females doing the lusting are either six years old or mad-eyed spinsters who’d break his legs and lock him in a cupboard and sit outside crying for hours at a time given half a chance.
However, there is one possible escape route for Robert Pattinson – his twilight co-star Kristen Stewart. After all, they both work together, they go to the same social functions and they know the experience of making awful cheap-looking teenage vampire movies that feature embarrassingly heavy subtexts better than anyone else on Earth. And that’s why Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are definitely doing it.
Except they’re not. Kristen Stewart wants everyone to know once and for all that she’s definitely, definitely not sleeping with Robert Pattinson, possibly for fear that he’ll accidentally knock her up and she’ll be left with a boring little baby with a face like a weather-beaten plank of wood and a weird Beaker haircut. According to People:
“Rob and I are good friends. We went through a lot together, so we feel very close… If we go out in public, every little detail is scrutinized, like the way I stand next to him. And it's like, I know this guy really fucking well. It’s only natural that we’re sort of leaning on each other, because we’re put in the most ? psychotic situations.”
So that’s that. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are absolutely not romantically involved whatsoever. This is probably good for the Twilight franchise as a whole, because the entire point of it is that if Robert’s character has sex with Kristen’s character, then he’s bound by nature to bite her head off immediately afterwards like a kind of posh praying mantis. Or something. We’re not experts.
Anyway, Twilight is all about the sexual abstinence of Robert Pattinson and Kirsten Stewart. And that’d be very difficult to portray onscreen if they both look as if they smell of sperm, wouldn’t it.