Robert Pattinson Wants You All To Know That He Doesn’t Stink
Believe what you read and you’ll know that Robert Pattinson smells like a sweaty tramp’s dirty rectum – fact.
And that’s made Robert Pattinson mad. Because, as everyone knows, the only things that Robert Pattinson smells of are moonbeams, fairydust and an unidentified chemical agent that makes teenage girls and lonely adult women urinate on sight. Seriously, Robert Pattinson is so upset with rumours of his chronic BO that he’s actually gone public to tell everyone that he does shower sometimes, actually.
So just to clear that up, Robert Pattinson doesn’t stink. He just looks like he stinks. Big difference.
Robert Pattinson can’t go anywhere without women falling at his feet, and for a while last week we thought we knew why. No, it’s not because of his dreamy hair or the way that he plays a romantically-idealised vampire in a crappy movie. And, no, it’s not because he appears to be so strapped of anything approaching personality that females can easily project their desires onto his big blank face without obstruction.
No. It’s because Robert Pattinson stinks so horrendously that all his stale sweat particles clog up their nostrils, starve their brains of oxygen and cause them to fall into near-instant unconsciousness. It’s a neat trick, Pattinson, but we’re on to you. We’re on to you, you hear?
Or maybe we’re not. Because, following last week’s reports from sources on the New Moon set claiming that Robert Pattinson is a great big stinking bumguff who brushes his teeth with clods of animal dung, takes baths in tubfuls of steaming gypsy piss and wipes his bottom with other people’s dirty bottoms (we’re paraphrasing), Robert Pattinson has gone on the offensive to tell everyone that he does wash now and then, as it happens. Monsters And Critics reports:
When asked about the rumours, Pattinson said: “I do shower! And besides I haven’t even been on the set yet!”
We can’t tell you how upset this news has made us. Robert Pattinson really does have it all – good looks, nice hair and armpits that don’t smell of a cheese convention in a wee factory. We’re distraught. Honestly, those rumours about Kristen Stewart having a penis and a telescopic chin had better be true, otherwise we’ll have nothing left to live for.
But anyway, how did Robert Pattinson know that people said he stinks? Simple – it’s because he Googles himself regularly. He said:
“I admit I do look for myself sometimes. I used to do it a lot more before. Now I only look at the negative stuff. I just want to know whoever’s saying negative stuff, I want to remember their names. I write it all down in my black book.”
That’s hecklerspray with a small h, Rob. All one word. Much appreciated. Ta.
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lol obviously it is a lie because the original rumor came from ” the set” and robert pattinson hasnt even been on the set yet!
Lol i do not believe this at all!.
Robert pattinson is sooo lovely, you can tell just by his interviews he’s down to earth. And i’m sure he has showers, that’s just crazy saying he doesn’t…
Okay so i do like Robert Pattinson a lot. But to be honest it’s because most people are jealous of him, because he’s a lot more handsome then they are.
You wouldn’t be able to play a vampire, would you?, or a tortured artist, or any of the roles he has chosen to play.
THAT IS ALL JUST A BUNCH OF BULLCRAP!!!!!
YALL BELIEVE THAT STUFF Y DO U THINK THEY CALL IT A ‘GOSSIP’ PAGE CUZ ITS GOSSIP ITS NOT TRU THE PPL THAT POST THIS CRAP R PPL THAT HAVE NOTHING ELSE 2 DO BUT POST A HOLE BUNCH OF FAKE CRAP AND MAKE PPL MAD!!!!!
i second that. x
it is so silly! Really there is no theme more interestingly? It the remarkable actor and the talented singer. All these awful hearings simply delirium! And people which speak about it so are simply worthless!Be the clear head Robert and do not listen to anybody!
i know im w/you cuz mah baby couldn stink!!! he is so purrfect n diz iz just a gossip pge:)
this is crap non ov diz iz true cuz m in c’mon all u ppl:) just jelous cuz ya ain perfect like him n i swear if robert pattinson(mah sweetheart) new who it was i think he would punch all ov yall a** who is sayn dat bull sh**
Hey?
Thanks to all the gossip, our love, Rob Pattinson is even more famous. Who doesn’t love to shower? No big deal man, get it off your heads! Let’s just credit him not of his personal life (we are out of it) but of his professional career. Let’s help him more to make his up coming movies successful and then everybody’s happy! Take it easy Rob, you have to somehow accept the fact that you are a public figure now and people will really talk good or bad. Anyway most important is that you have more fans than your detractors and you have more reasons to celebrate your fame than spend time reading nonsense stuff.
All the best to New Moon and Eclipse.
I can’t believe I’m commenting this stupid rumor. I should go get my life together. Butch Decossas
ummmmm, well i guess im one of those lonely adult women fans?… i dont know if i would say im a fan…but i am supposed to be working right now, and im not, instead im ignoring my responsabilities and hideing in my apartment and posting this pointless little thing here…its harder to be a fan of rob when you have a job and a kid and bills to pay and no fucking time to sit and ooogle over his pictures and quotes and videos! its not fair! fuck you little tweenie bitches and all your free time, you dont even feel stupid or guilty after posting a comment on one of the various internet shrines….aww fuck it. im a loser. so anyways,rob, if you ever do read negative stuff about yourself like this hilarious blog(?) about your body odor i hope it is refreshing to you. i mean you of all people know what your really like and well, theres just no way anyone could be as great as all these tweenies and goth homos think you are. its just not realistic. you know that. and really, this whole odor thing is just a rumor, but it may be a cultural thing too…dont all british people smell like stale cheetoes and bull semen? joking! but…do they really? oh yeah, i think i saw somewhere that you promote the band tokio hotel? i hope not. if you didnt really say that i would clear that up, they fucking suck. sooo…thats it i guess.
your biggest fan in denial of being your fan,
mollie
Are you kidding me??? Gimme a cloths pin and I will dive right in!!!!
Hot, hot, hot.Someone probably just messin with him anyway.
I don’t believe a word of it! I don’t think you stink,even though I’ve never met you and probably never will because I live in Alaska,and you probably won’t visit Ketchikan will you? I didn’t think so. Oh well. I also have a tendency to talk to much and to fast(only when I’m excited.) I you saw me sitting on my deck today, you would have thought I was a corpse. Because I’m so white! Okay if I write any more I’ll get sucked in and I won’t be able to stop. That happened once….OKAY twice. Alright bye.
im a HUGE fan of the twilight series.. to say whether or not i believe this rumour, would be a waste of time.. but in respect to the series i feel obligated.. Rob- i think u were great as edward cullen i couldnt imagine anyone else more perfect for the part.. although.. i wouldnt say that ur sexy, gorgeous or watever.. to me ur just a great edward.. i have to say im freakishly in love with jackson rathbone (jasper) mmm mmm mmm yummy..ok so to the person who started this rumour- ‘get a life’ im forced to wonder how old u are.. this could only be said by someone around the age of 9 or 10.. so think of how mature u really are.. and if ur older than that then.. GOD! u have a serious problem.. jealousy can stoop people to amazing unimaginable levels.. and to the people who carry out this behaviour- JEEZ! have u guys actually smelled him..? u people are sooo gullible.. for the twilight haters out there.. how can u not like the movie or books..? u guys must be really dead in the inside, people with no emotions..
if he wasnt nice and wondering why millions scream over his presence then maybe people would come up with better things other than saying that he stinks..that is so elementary school! gosh! bless his heart..he’s going to regret being famous b/c people are stupid..and he has joked on almost every interview about his hygiene..they need to come up with something better than what he already jokes around about!
What makes me laugh the most (apart from the hilarious articles) is that people come to this website and post angry comments without even bothering to look up the word “heckler” beforehand.