Hecklerspray has had lots of problems in our lifetime, like the beefy kid in school who used to steal our dinner money and then mock us whilst we blubbed our eyes out. Once we grew up slightly we encountered much bigger problems, like the TV license man who wants to charge us silly amounts of money to watch repeats of Only Fools And Horses and Dad’s Army.
While they are all problems we can’t avoid, there are some we can shun away if we close our eyes tightly, tap our heels and say “there’s no place like home.” Such problems include the so-called musical workings of so-called lyrical genius 50 Cent. Everyone knows 50! He’s been shot multiple times and frequently tells us about his champagne and ho-guzzling antics. But now, the door might be shutting on 50 Cent's rapping days as he threatens to quit music forever if he doesn't sell as many records as Kanye West. We’ve got the smallest violin in the world on standby.
50 Cent has had the kind of life you could only really think of is the end product of some alcoholic screenwriter. After being a drug dealer at 12, he was then shot nine times for leaving his ghetto roots and aspiring to me the next big mass-marketed monotonous rapper. The kids must like that sort of stuff, which is probably why our own attempt at making 1970s bubblegum pop has failed to crack the American market.
Now, 50 Cent has wandered into a random feud with Jesus impersonator and all-round award ceremony-ruining Kayne West. Yes, Kanye West, the man who likes his curry so ghetto and Indian, he gets it from Wales. It wasn’t so long ago that the pair were getting down and dirty and talking about hot political issues. Well, we say hot political issues; they just had a few pops at President George W Bush. But now they're at it again. Next month 50 Cent releases his new album on the same day that Kanye West releases his new album. Already 50 Cent and Kanye West are going to debate who's the dopest on radio before the albums are released, but now 50 Cent has raised the stakes even further, saying:
“If Kanye West sells more records than 50 Cent on September 11, I'll no longer write music."
Brilliant! Another crap rapper who's been shot multiple times will bugger off and then probably be replaced with someone whose had another rough and painful life.
Sadly, it is a bit of double-edged sword, this announcement. 50 Cent may give up rapping solo for ever, but will still do others bits and pieces with other artists. Better then nothing we guess. So please don’t download it prior to release! Get the warm fuzzy feeling of buying it yourself and the satisfaction of putting 50 Cent in to some kind of warped retirement.
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Cain says
Sounds like he has ever written MUSIC
Paddy says
Fuck u asshole…..
how da fuk is 50 a crap rapper…???
Ur just a jelous fuk cuz he’s richer n more powerful dan ur punkass!!
Faggot!!
GGGGG-UNIT!