Miley Cyrus has conquered every medium she’s tried; TV, film, music, reputation-sullying internet underwear photos – she’s queen of them all.
But what about the world of autobiographies? Why, no. Of course not. Miley Cyrus is only 15 years old. For Miley Cyrus to write an autobiography at such a young age would be to insult the intelligence of her fans in just about the most unforgivable way possible. That’s something we can all agree on.
Well, all of us except Miley Cyrus and the Disney Book Group, because it’s been announced that the Miley Cyrus memoirs are coming out soon. We’re especially looking forward to the chapter about how, by the age of 12, Miley Cyrus had more money than all of us would ever earn from a lifetime of backbreaking physical labour combined. Fun!
This is just a guess, but we’d imagine that some of our female readers kept diaries during their teenage years. And if that’s true, then the thought of having those diaries turned into a book – allowing the world full access to all your adolescent neuroses and anecdotes about that time you sat in a cupboard, kissed your own hand and pretended it was Mel Gibson‘s face – probably makes you want to cry.
Miley Cyrus clearly doesn’t have the same fear as you, though, because – even though she’s just 15 years old – she’s signed a deal with the Disney Book Club to write her memoirs, helpfully filling the previously ignored ‘autobiographies by people who aren’t even old enough to buy fireworks’ market. BBC News reports:
Miley Cyrus, teenage star of Disney’s Hannah Montana TV series, has signed a book deal to tell her life story. The 15-year-old’s memoir will focus on her relationship with mother Leticia, according to the Disney Book Group. “I am so excited to let fans in on how important my relationship with my family is to me,” said Cyrus. She said she hoped “to motivate mothers and daughters to build lifetimes of memories together and inspire kids around the world to live their dreams.”
What? ‘Motivate mothers and daughters to build lifetimes of memories together’? Christ, we’re not sure if we’d even trust Miley Cyrus to write the insides of greetings cards, let alone actual books. And Miley Cyrus will be writing the book, by the way – it won’t just be some lazily spunked-off vanilla-flavoured piece of ghostwritten focus-grouped hackery schemed up by people who know they’d sell a million fang-toothed AIDS monkeys to children if they had the name Miley Cyrus written on them somewhere. Or maybe it will be. Come to think of it, it probably will be, won’t it? Sorry.
Besides, surely Miley Cyrus writing her autobiography now is a mistake. Sure, she’ll be able to detail her massive successes with the Hannah Montana TV show and the Hannah Montana movie and the Hannah Montana concert tour and the Hannah Montana albums – successes that most adults will never see – but she’s not thinking ahead. What about the book that Miley Cyrus will write in the year 2040 where she discusses her fall from popularity and subsequent alcoholism, drug addiction, bankruptcy and tragic slide into low-rent prostitution? If people have already got one Miley Cyrus autobiography then they won’t want another one.
Still, maybe these Miley Cyrus memoirs aren’t meant to be read by her fans. After all, the book promises to contain ‘previously unseen photos’ and, considering how filthy the previously seen Mily Cyrus photos are, we’re half expecting Miley’s book to come sealed in a foiled wrapper like Madonna’s Sex book.
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gir says
i might actually buy it if it had nudes of miley cyrus.
at least then the suits running this racket would be honest about their exploitation rather than dressing it in the emperors new clothes of the mother daughter relationship. at fucking FIFTEEN. you know what the mother daughter (or any parent child relationship) is constituted of at 15? fights every other day about something or another fuck you miley cyrus fuck you disney fuck everything god damn it
Anton says
I will never know how you resisted saying “… from a lifetime of achy-backbreaky physical labour…”.
Igan says
I think that it would be a mistake. Because some of the fans could go away and never come back. They would never like Miley Cyrus again. But that won’t happen to me.
someone special says
hey just give her a break if you want to interviev someone inter view your self and make up stupid ilittle lies then put here on the internet and then shut up
addie ferguson says
Dear Miley,
I love your music and I wanted to know if i could meet you sometime?
im a hottie says
miley i can’t believe youre doing this i look up to u, i used to buy pictures and all that of u but i had to throw all of them away because of u you’re acting like a twat and u cant force anyone to fuck u, u bitch
Hanna wright says
hi miley i am your bigest fan i am 11 years old and i have to sisters my sister rachel is 14 years old and my other sister is 16 years old
miley's biggest fan. says
how dare u said my miley a bitch.U BITCH.
tu mejor novio says
tttttttteeeeeeeeeee rrrrrrrreeeeeeeeee aaaaaaaaammmmmmmooooooooo miley cirus