You never know what you’re going to get when you meet Mike Tyson. Is he going to punch you? Is he going to rape you?
Both? You just don’t know. And that’s what makes Mike Tyson such a lovably violent convicted rapist. So it must have come as something of a relief to a photographer at LAX yesterday when Mike Tyson only decided to punch him. Allegedly. Mike Tyson has been arrested for allegedly punching a paparazzo at LAX.
Brilliantly, Mike Tyson also reportedly performed a citizen’s arrest on the photographer while he was at it. Yep, say what you like the convicted drug-possessing rapist who brutally attacks people in the face for a living, but that man sure knows how to uphold the law.
There’s something about LAX that just turns people mental. It’s the airport that made Scott Stapp get abusively drunk. It’s the airport that made Kanye West act like slightly more of a dick than usual. It’s the airport that made Bai Ling from one episode of Lost steal some batteries because her boyfriend dumped her and she was sad. And now we can add Mike Tyson to that list.
Actually, that’s unfair. We shouldn’t add Mike Tyson to the list of people turned mental by LAX. We should do the decent thing, consider his history of violent outbursts, notice the giant tattoo that obscures most of his face and add him to the list of people who are already mental and just happened to be passing through LAX. Yes, that’s much better.
Anyway, the basic story is that Mike Tyson has been arrested and held on bail after allegedly attacking a photographer at LAX. The slightly more complex story is that the photographer allegedly started fighting back and the scuffle ended with both of them rolling around the floor trying to put the other one in a citizen’s arrest. People reports:
“The two men got into a scuffle, and it’s alleged that Tyson hit the photographer once in the face with one hand, causing him to fall to the ground,” [Sgt] Holcomb says. “The photographer sustained a laceration to the forehead and was taken to a local hospital.” … “Mr. Tyson did absolutely nothing wrong, he was the victim in this case,” his attorney tells PEOPLE.
Hey, let’s cut Mike Tyson some slack here. All his life he’s been conditioned to punch people in the face as hard as he can, so that’s just his natural response to hostile situations. Plus, let’s look at this objectively. Did Mike Tyson threaten to rip out the stomach of the photographer? No. Did Mike Tyson threaten to eat the photographer’s children? No. Did he bite most of the photographer’s ear off during the scuffle? No. So he was only mucking around.
And, you know, he was quite funny in The Hangover. And stuff. Look, our point is this – we don’t want Mike Tyson to beat us up. Or rape us, for that matter. But mainly the first one.
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JB says
I think more celebs should knock these assholes out, for real….there should be laws regarding papparazzi, they act totally unprofessional, they get right in your face, stalk the shit out of you, catch you at your worst moment, and then write nasty shit about you. I wish Mike woulda ripped his head off. Doesn’t anyone think Mike Tyson has had enough shit happen to him? How about we leave he guy alone. He lost a child not long ago. And the rape conviction? People…it was almost 20 years ago….and most people know it was a load of shit. Another thing people love to bring…the bite..get over it, it was in ’96, if thats all you know about the man, shut your mouth and do some homework before you speak, people make jokes about Tyson always brining up how he bit Holyfield, as if they are being smart an funny….it’s getting really old….give the man a rest.
Nick Bryan says
I do agree with the above to the extent that, yes, if one were determined to punch someone, the paparazzi are certainly among the most deserving candidates.
gilbert wham says
I’m pretty sure that if you are a paparazzo, doing all those things is being professional…