There’s a reason why Jennifer Aniston is one of the highest-earning actresses in Hollywood. No, not her hair.
No. Jennifer Aniston is so well paid is because she gets all the best-looking male co-stars. And why does Jennifer Aniston have the best-looking male co-stars? Because she has sex with them all. Definitely. It’s in her contract. “Must have sex with hunky co-star more than once, preferably while dressed as medieval Spaniards” it says.
Oh, alright, it doesn’t. But everyone thinks that Jennifer Aniston shags her co-stars. And that might explain why Gerard Butler has been looking so insufferably smug lately.
Jennifer Aniston needs to find a nice man to settle down with. And that’s not because we respect Jennifer Aniston as a person or feel personally invested in her happiness. It’s because writing about how she’s probably going with every single man who she’s ever been in a film with is starting to drive us a little bit potty.
First, obviously, there was Vince Vaughn and their lovely relationship that suspiciously seemed to last from the beginning of The Break-Up‘s theatrical promotional cycle to the end of The Break-Up‘s DVD promotional cycle. But that’s not all – Jennifer Aniston has also been linked with her He’s Just Not That Into You co-star Bradley Cooper.
And, although the rumours of an affair between Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson during the filming of Marley & Me turned out to be false, we do sometimes like to imagine that she fondled the dog in an act of drunken desperation once. Even though, for the sake of legal clarity, this almost definitely didn’t happen.
Anyway, now Jennifer Aniston is filming The Bounty with Gerard Butler, so… oh, look, we all know where this is going. Why don’t you take the 45 seconds that you would have otherwise spent reading the remainder of this article and do something productive? Phone your mother. Go and hold a door open for somebody. Ask your colleagues about their children. Honestly, you’ll feel much better for it.
No? Still here? Fine. Here’s what The Daily Mail thinks about this alleged Jennifer Aniston/ Gerard Butler romance:
A source on the set told the U.S. magazine Star: ‘Let me put it this way, they're both hot and single! After they finish a scene, they stick around so they can hang out with each other. Neither is in a rush to leave. Jen and Gerard often practice kissing scenes even after the cameras stop rolling. Jen will say: “I think we need to do that again.” She says Gerard?s a great kisser.’
So here’s what we’ve learnt. Firstly, judging by that quote, The Bounty seems to be staffed exclusively by 12-year-old girls. Secondly, every time Jennifer Aniston makes a film, she gets romantically linked with whoever stars opposite her and, regardless of how true the stories are, they only really succeed in making her look progressively more desperate and lonely.
So, to reiterate, Jennifer Aniston needs to find a nice man to settle down with. Because if she doesn’t, there’s a slight chance that we might feel a fleeting moment of sympathy for her. And when that happens, it’ll bloody well be the end of us.
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Sunny says
Settle down? Now that’s the most idiotic advice ever given; I mean WHO would not want some of what she’s been getting? Sure, the man-list is ever growing in length, relationships getting increasingly shorter but really, a potential go with some of GERARD BUTLER? She is my new heroine.
Sadly as possibly evidenced in her past history, she may not be all THAT in the areas that really count – from the male perspective. For THAT we can feel a moment of pity.
humming says
Wise people won’t believe the criticism about Jennifer in this article
There is no doubt that Jennifer is very talented, beautiful, attractive, brilliant actress. Her success came from her hard-working and talent. She is a loving and caring person so that all her co-stars like her. Although they are actors/actress, they are just human being.
If you are in their positions, you may not do better than they do. Ha…….
Tammy says
I would love to live that way :D I mean, what’s wrong with the fact that a single person makes out with a co-star? If that co-star is single too…just lets experiment! I think she’s doing the best she could do, and i hope she’s having fun with it :P
Julias says
These alleged insiders, who are usually the sources for respected and serious magazines like “Star”, almost invariably sound like 12-year-old girls. It is surprising, though, when you find out that they’re not actually 12 and neither are those who quote them. Take Ted Casablanca from E!, for instance. What a disgrace…Entertainment news is 20% wishful thinking and 80% outright lies.
Jennifer Aniston is a drag. And is probably true that she fucks her co-stars. Everybody does in Hollywood. They have to, otherwise it’s too boring.
Kaylee. says
Wise people will laugh at your comment. Ha…..
Shaunna says
Jen Aniston has an enviable life! After being saddled with the same person for years and years ends isn’t it better to get out there and live? Aniston has done just that… She’s living and apparently thriving! Who say’s she should meet a “soulmate” within a specific amount of time? I like that Aniston is picky. That she doesn’t make someone a “must fit” out of desperation, yet takes life as it comes and has fun with it… She’s an authentically beautiful woman and I cheer her on… If you want to have fun with Butler, have fun. If you want to move on, then move on! I doubt Aniston cares what anyone thinks about anything she does. She appears to be too busy claiming her life.
teddy says
Jen has got to be the most overrated, homely actress out there. I don’t understand all the fuss with her. Getting men isn’t her problem, its keeping them. Once they find out she lacks substance and sucks in bed, they’re outta there. She best be careful with her reputation. Her phony “good girl” image will disappear and she’ll be re-labeled a desperate whore, which seems to be the case already. The fact that she can’t hold a mans attention for longer than a minute tells you something about her.