The world is still struggling to cope with the news that Jennifer Lopez won’t be an American Idol judge.
How are you dealing with it? By shrugging and genuinely not caring one way or the other about it? That’s funny, us too. But widespread apathy won’t find American Idol its new judge, will it? That’s why Shania Twain has become the latest name to be dragged into the palaver.
According to reports, Shania Twain is currently the favourite to become the new American Idol judge because a) she’s a bigger fan of the show than Jennifer Lopez, b) she has more American Idol experience than Jennifer Lopez and c) she won’t go batshit crazy if you accidentally look her in the eye or call her anything that’s not on a pre-agreed document containing acceptably cute nicknames like Jennifer Lopez probably would.
If we were aspiring singers, we’d probably give American Idol a wide berth this year. It was bad enough when they had to audition in front of a bad-tempered Brit, a colossally unfocused 1980s throwback and a bloke on the end who kept calling everyone ‘Dog’ – but this year looks set to be even more terrifying.
If reports are true, then it’s possible that the American Idol judges this year will be Jessica Simpson and Steven Tyler. It’s not a great combination, partly because Jessica Simpson is dim and Steven Tyler is so awful that even his own bandmates openly despise him, and partly because when they sit next to each other they’ll look like the before and after photos in a public health announcement about the dangers of crystal meth addiction.
So American Idol needs a third judge and, since it’s not going to be Jennifer Lopez now, it looks like it’ll be Shania Twain. The Boston Herald reports:
?They?ve been after her ever since she was a mentor on the show last season,? a source said yesterday. ?And they haven't given up.? Shania, you may remember, stepped in for the Chicago auditions last season and won the hearts of many of the ?Idol? types. ?Shania?s a huge fan of the show,and she had a great time as a mentor,? the source said.
Ah yes, Shania Twain has appeared on American Idol before, in an appearance largely marked by her transparent desire to have sex with everyone that walked in front of her. If Shania does get the job, then it’ll mean employing stagehands to stand off-camera with buckets of ice cold water in case her HRT goes berserk again. But apart from that, we’re sure that Shania Twain can teach the American Idol contestants a lot.
By which we mean she can teach them how to run off to Switzerland to avoid paying taxes. Same thing really.
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Model says
I think she would actually be a really good choice. She will probably be the sweet one, but she knows what she is doing.
JoeMomma says
What that show needs is something other than mindless pop claptrap.
How about;
Tom Petty
Elvis Costello
Deborah Harry
Not like I’m a huge fan of any of them. But man, it’d be fun to watch when every contestant does the lame “ohh-ahh-ooou-ieeee” at the end of their song and the judges call it shit.