Watching Cheryl Cole on X Factor, chances are all you see is a phenomenal amount of make-up and a voice that makes you want to scratch your own spine off.
But what you don’t see is the sadness behind Cheryl Cole’s eyes. The sadness of a woman whose husband got hammered on booze once and ended up having all sorts of depraved puke-sex with a slapper who wasn’t her.
Actually you can’t see that at all any more, because Cheryl Cole isn’t sad at all. In an appearance on Jonathan Ross to be shown on Friday, Cheryl Cole wore her wedding ring and told everyone that she’s patched up her marriage once and for all. The moral of this story, obviously, is that true love endures. And that if you earn £100k a week you can probably get away with vomiting over a few slags every now and then.
Cheryl Cole has had an excellent year so far. Usually her life is full of boring stuff like squabbles with Lily Allen and not eating much, but this year it’s been pedal-to-the-metal excitement right from the get-go, the lucky cow.
In January it was revealed that Cheryl Cole’s husband Ashley had cheated on her with a rough-looking girl he ended up puking on. This sort of constant public humiliation doesn’t sound particularly brilliant admittedly, but ask yourself this – would Cheryl still be one of the judges on this year’s X Factor if it didn’t happen?
Well, yes, in all fairness she probably would. But forget that, because this is the story of Cheryl Cole’s uplifting journey – the journey of a victim of infidelity who learnt to soar to ever-greater professional heights by casting off the shackles of marriage and becoming a free woman.
Or at least it would be if Cheryl Cole hadn’t decided to pretend that Ashley Cole had never done anything wrong in the first place and got back together with him. Then it becomes the journey of a victim of infidelity who got a job on a talent show even though she’s stupid and her husband is a wanker.
Anyway, now that she’s on the telly – and everyone knows that being on the telly is the only way you can ever be truly happy – Cheryl Cole is truly happy again, and she’s been on Jonathan Ross to tell everyone that, although it was hard, she’s completely forgiven Ashley and he’s free to go and cheat on her again whenever he wants. Or something. Metro reports:
“I was tempted to put it [the ring] back on – in his head!’ she said. She then defended her husband’s mistake telling: ‘There’s something about celebrities having a perfect life; people need to relax and realise we’re human too. There’s no such thing as a private life in this industry,’ she told Jonathan.
Actually, for all our cynicism, it’s nice to see that a couple like Cheryl and Ashley Cole can put something as serious as serial infidelity behind them in the name of love. Love and definitely not anything else, like the fact that Ashley Cole earns four times as much as the average man’s annual salary every single week. Definitely not that.
Of course, as Cheryl Cole said, we shouldn’t forget that they’re just human and, as such, they’re probably both filled with enormous regret over their actions in the last year. Honestly, Cheryl Cole must be kicking herself about patching up her marriage before she could get a couple of hacky ghostwritten books and a decent reality TV show about her struggle out. That really has to sting.
nick says
ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC
max plank says
horrible plastic greedy woman. all that is wrong with society today
miss toe says
hw could ash do dat 2 her hav u seen her apart from da fact dat she is a chav she is realii prettyyy
hana says
omg……..i dont kno if dis was meant to be funny or not……but i thought it was hilarious!!!!!! i mean….i luv d woman eh!!!! she is sooooooooo pwetty and her smile is gorgeous!!! actually….i think im obsessed!!! and it lastin longer dan my last obsession :megan fox! idk y but she jus has dis likable factor abt her!!! and her accent is soooo adorable. <3 cheryl cole <3