Forget war or paedophile priests or Tibetan freedom protests, the only thing the world wants to know about today is the state of Ashlee Simpson’s uterus.
If you thought the rumours about Ashlee Simpson’s pregnancy were put to bed when her fiance Pete Wentz called them ‘crazy’ earlier in the week are true, then think again. It’s been reported that Ashlee Simpson really is pregnant all along and that Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson want to get married as soon as possible before she gets all swollen and crap.
But why did Pete Wentz say Ashlee Simpson wasn’t pregnant when she really was? Was he telling the truth, making up a barefaced lie or is he just a bit stupid? We wouldn’t like to say, but let’s not forget that he is in Fall Out Boy, so the stupidity option probably shouldn’t be discounted.
When Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz suddenly got engaged last week, it was hard not to get a little bit misty-eyed about it all. After all, the dictionary definition of romance literally is ‘rushing into a shotgun marriage with someone because you accidentally got her pregnant and now you feel dutybound to adhere to an outmoded convention by a desperate sense of guilt.’
That’s because the instant Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson got engaged, the pregnancy rumours started to zap around. They made a lot of sense, too, because neither Pete Wentz or Ashlee Simpson were at the age that you’d need to be to realise that Pete Wentz or Ashlee Simpson was the best you could do.
However, yesterday Pete Wentz denied Ashlee Simpson’s pregnancy to the world. In fact, Pete Wentz more than denied it – he likened the speculation to a witch hunt, called it ‘crazy’ and said that he couldn’t wait for the rumours about him being gay as well. Which is odd, because Pete’s denial has only made the pregnancy speculation stronger, especially since Ashlee Simpson won’t deny that it’s true. People reports:
Ashlee Simpson is pregnant and plans to get married next month at a private residence in Southern California, a source close to her family tells PEOPLE… On Tuesday, Simpson sidestepped the rumors during an interview with MTV after taping TRL in New York, saying simply, “Some things you want to keep personal.” And now the source tells PEOPLE that not only is Simpson pregnant, but that she’s planning to have her wedding in May at a friend’s house.
However, at the moment it’s the word of Pete Wentz against the word of an unnamed source, so nobody can say for sure if Ashlee Simpson really is pregnant or not. Maybe Pete Wentz was right when he said that there was no baby. But then again, maybe he was wrong.
And if Ashlee Simpson really is pregnant – and Pete Wentz said that the speculation was a witch hunt – then it’s pretty much conclusive proof that witch hunts work. If anything, Pete Wentz is urging us to go on even more witch hunts. Literal witch hunts for actual witches.
Admittely we could just wait a few months to see if Ashlee Simpson is displaying any signs of pregnancy, or we could just start setting suspicious-looking women on fire because we think they’re witches immediately. Whichever one Pete Wentz wants us to do, we’ll do.
Read more:
Source: Ashlee Simpson Pregnant, Planning Wedding for May – People
mst3kster says
I think Pete was trying to say that Ashlee is pregnant but not by him. Because as we all know by now, he’s gay.
Peter Belisi says
Is there a shortage of birth control?
euclid says
It’s Milton from Office Space’s baby!
or maybe an Immaculate Misconception.