Fans of Victoria Beckham’s 2002 number 6 smash hit A Mind Of Its Own, if you exist, prepare yourselves for the worst.

You’re never going to see Victoria Beckham perform that live again. Or any of her other two solo singles. Or any songs by any other human in the history of music. Victoria Beckham, you see, has formally retired from music.

It’s not really a surprise – money-grabbing Spice Girls reunion tours aside, Victoria Beckham has only used her voice to babble on relentlessly about herself in an infuriating hairdresser monotone for the past five years ago. But at least Victoria Beckham has made it official, leaving her free to concentrate on her arduous day job. We’ll get back to you when we know what that actually is.

We think Victoria Beckham is a modern-day Renaissance woman, but that’s because our understanding of the original Renaissance is that it involved lots of 14th century Europeans half-heartedly trying their hands at different barely-defined jobs and then not worrying when they failed because they were married to millionaire footballers and got their face in Heat at least every couple of weeks anyway. Which we think actually happened.

There’s literally nothing that Victoria Beckham can’t do. Although she says she works in the fashion industry now – which means she follows Katie Holmes around the shops once every couple of weeks – Victoria has also managed to become a red hot TV personality and actress, so long as you count one embarrassingly scaled-back TV show and a woeful appearance on Ugly Betty as red-hot, plus she’s also a world famous singer.

Except she’s not. Not any more. Victoria Beckham’s solo career was over from roughly the second it began, and she’s not likely to do much more with the Spice Girls after their reunion tour couldn’t even stagger on to its scheduled climax.

And this means, as reported by Metro, that Victoria Beckham can’t call herself a singer any more:

Victoria Beckham has followed in Geri Halliwell’s footsteps, announcing her retirement from pop. “I’m not going to sing anymore, I’m turning my mic off,” she said. Her comments, made on breakfast show GMTV, will come as a blow to fans who were hoping to see her in Vegas as part of the Pussycat Dolls troupe.  “I heard about that,” she said. “The thought of leaping around on stage in a bra top and knickers. No.”

Never mind. As a member of the Spice Girls, Victoria Beckham has already made more money than most out of singing, so she’ll always be able to say she was a success. Well, she either made her money by singing or  by standing around dressed like a stern prostitute while Sporty Spice did all the singing. Anyway, it’s all over now so it doesn’t matter.

And since Victoria Beckham has retired from music so formally, we think this means we’re allowed to sue her for breach of contract if we ever hear her string two or more notes together from now on. We shouldn’t get our hopes up, though – she barely managed to do that when she was a professional.

Read more:

Finally, Posh says she’s retired from singing – Metro