It's been a while since anyone thought of Tom Cruise as anything other than a crazy old Scientologist with a mute wife young enough to be his granddaughter and a weird preoccupation with David Beckham.
But it looks frighteningly like Tom Cruise will have the last laugh over his critics, since it's been reported that United Artists, the film studio that Tom Cruise runs with his production partner Paula Wagner, has raised $500 million in funding to make films for the next five years. Quite where Tom Cruise will spend this money isn't clear at the moment – some people are suggesting that it'll fund 15 to 18 different movies, while some say that there's room for one big-budget summer blockbuster and a handful of smaller critic-pleasing movies – but nobody has yet ruled out the prospect of United Artists spending the whole $500 million on a single movie entitled Tom Cruise Runs To The Sun While Exploding Planets With The Intensity Of His Eyes.
Tom Cruise has got a lot to prove at the moment – there are still those who think that Tom Cruise is a deluded midget who eats placentas all day and freaks out if his wife ever makes any noise. It's this reputation that caused Paramount boss Sumner Redstone to fire Tom Cruise, citing the indisputable fact that all women hated him, but it's also the reason why Tom Cruise is working so hard to restore the power and glory of the good old days.
Ever since Tom Cruise went weird and nobody went to see Mission: Impossible III, Cruise has been carefully crafting his comeback. The first step was simple enough – go and star in a small worthy film that nobody will watch – and the second step, the step involving great big World War II blockbusters, would have gone better if only Germany didn't think that Tom Cruise was a weirdo. Throw in a rumoured Godawful-sounding Ben Stiller comedy and Tom Cruise's public rehabilitation is done.
But what Tom Cruise really cares about is Tom Cruise's movie studio. Last year Tom Cruise was put in charge of United Artists – the studio behind Apocalypse Now, Rocky and Some Like It Hot – along with his partner Paula Wagner. And now it seems like Tom Cruise is ready to make a whole lot of films, because United Artists has just got $500 million of funding, as Reuters reports:
United Artists, the film company run by actor Tom Cruise and Chief Executive Paula Wagner, said on Thursday it raised $500 million through Merrill Lynch to fund 15 to 18 movies over the next five years. Wagner called the financing "a milestone event" for United Artists, which was revived last year by Cruise, Wagner and their studio partner, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Inc. "It leaves us perfectly poised to realize our vision of making movies that are both important and commercial," Wagner said in a statement.
Well, one step at a time, Paula. We know that it seems as if $500 million is a huge amount to play around with, and that the possibility of making films of the highest possible quality seems within reach, but you'd do well to remember a couple of points: 1) 'important and commercial' is a lot to ask for when all your movies are bound to star a weeny little Scientologist as the hero and 2) a David Beckham biopic is neither important or commercial, so don't bother, OK?
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Phsyt says
Mission Impossible 3 was an improvement on the second.. Even though he did do the Jesus thing at the end of the film.
i guess we can expect 15-18 David Beckham cameos.
dubois says
The adherence to every tabloid dreck and pablum that is regurgitated in this post is most telling to the state of mind of the writer. It certainly allows this writer the luxury of not having to form any sort of original thinking.
Gilbert Wham says
I thought that was kind of the point? Have you seen the banner at the top of the page? Fuck’s sake, you could be reading Instapundit. Indeed.
Truewhofan says
I’ve never seen the appeal of Cruise….seems since the Oprah fiasco more people are realising that.
Person says
snore …. oh, I fell asleep