Mission: Impossible 3 is now firmly a part of US weekend box office legend – believe what you read and you'll know M:I3 is an absolute weekend box disappointment of the very highest order.
The intrinsic level of disappointingness contained within Mission: Impossible 3 is by now near-mythical. It's the film that has killed the summer action movie, the career of Tom Cruise, the Paramount studio, all of Scientology and the hearts and minds of every right-thinking human. Except, um, Mission: Impossible 3 is number one in the US weekend box office. Again.
Mission: Impossible 3 is the number one movie in the US weekend box office for the second week running – something which sort of compromises the 'disappointing' label that it picked up last week by making $25 million less than everyone thought it would on its opening weekend. Maybe not everything is lost for Tom Cruise and Mission: Impossible 3; maybe all the Tom Cruise critics can take Mission: Impossible 3's second week at the top of the US weekend box office and stick it right in their bloated fannies!
What's that? Mission: Impossible 3 is only top of the US weekend box office because the only competition was the world's most pointless movie remake ever? Oh well, here's the US weekend box office top five:
1 – Mission: Impossible 3 (Maybe word of mouth has contributed to Mission: Impossible 3's continued success at the weekend box office, after people told all their friends about the brilliant scene where Tom Cruise gets his smarmy face punched right in) $24,154,000
2 – Poseidon (Poseidon, a film named after the god of the sea and tornadoes marketed as a film about a sinking ship based on an old film about a sinking ship with a kick-ass viral about a sinking ship. Hmm, wonder what it's all about.) $20,325,000
3 – RV (The Robin Williams film where he plays
a thousand-year-old robot the owner of a toy shop a cheerful doctor a Scottish transvestite a genie a man with a funny car. A man with a funny car) $9,500,000
4 – Just My Luck (Lindsay Lohan plays against type as the world's luckiest woman, and not the world's skinniest moron.) $5,500,000
5 – An American Haunting (Like a British haunting, but unable to pronounce the 'h' in the word 'herb') $3,689,000
[story by Stuart Heritage]