Next week is undoubtedly going to be truly historic – The Jonas Brothers are playing a free concert! Squeeeeee!
We can’t breathe! Our favourite girl-haired, virgin popstars playing a concert? For free? This is totally like the best news ever! We should get there early – we want Kevin Jonas to look us right in the eye when we scream “ARRRGH! KEVINJONASILOVEYOU! ARRRGH!” at him during Lovebug!
Apparently The Jonas Brothers are playing their free concert to mark the inauguration of a man called Barack Obama, who’s like the new mayor or the world or something. But mainly – THE JONAS BROTHERS! OMG!!!
We should all be grateful that Barack Obama was voted as the next president of America, you know, because the inauguration parties are just going to be so much better.
We mean it. Do you know what the inauguration party would have involved if John McCain had been voted as president? Four hours of borderline-racist country music and a halfhearted rendition of Overdosin’ by Heidi Montag, that’s what.
But Barack Obama? His inauguration party is going to rule. Every single celebrity on the planet, from Diddy to Matt Damon to Pamela Anderson, wanted Barack Obama to be president – and even a few non-celebrities too (hello Meg Ryan!) – and, by the look of it, they’re all going to be playing shows to mark Obama’s first day.
So far Jay-Z, The Beastie Boys, Mary J Blige, Beyonce, Shakira, Mariah Carey, Alicia Keys, TI, Bruce Springsteen, U2, Usher, Nelly, T-Pain, Rufus Wainwright, Maroon 5, Rihanna, the surviving members of The Beatles, Mozart‘s brain in a jar and the man who invented the Birdseye Potato Waffle television jingle are all going to be playing inauguration shows in Washington for Barack Obama. But that raises just one question – what about the kids?
What about the kids indeed. Just because they’re too young to be a part of – or even fully understand – the process of democracy, the children of America need to celebrate Obama’s victory as well, because they are the future of America. They are the future of America and they need to be given a dedicated show that’ll commemorate that fact in as lofty and momentous terms as can be humanly possible.
Or, failing that, The Jonas Brothers will just wiggle their hair at them until they start involuntarily urinating down themselves. People reports:
The Presidential Inaugural Committee announced Tuesday that the pop-rock trio will headline the Kids’ Inaugural: We Are the Future concert, which honors military families, on Jan. 19 at the Verizon Center. The Jonas Brothers will perform along with Miley Cyrus and her dad Billy Ray, Bow-Wow and Demi Lovato during a kid-friendly show hosted by Michelle Obama.
In many ways, The Jonas Brothers performing a show to mark the inauguration of President Obama is a genius idea – it’s a touching gesture to the generation that will now look to Malia and Sasha Obama as role-models. In fact, The Jonas Brothers are playing this show because they’re Malia and Sasha’s second-favourite band. Their first-favourite band – Swedish black metal combo Satanic Slaughter – unfortunately had prior commitments.
However, at least by playing this concert The Jonas Brothers are marking their place in history. Now, when future generations ask you “Do you remember when the first African-American president was appointed into office?” you can reply “Yes I do. It was the day after that concert that was so awful it made me want to take my own life.” Happy days.
Heehee says
LOL, the Jonas Brothers ruled my year just ALMOST as much as Barack Obama. And dammit their concerts are good. Yes, I’m way older than 14 and you can STFU.
green says
@Heehee
You’ve had you ass kicked by a girl haven’t you?
Mirriam Akbar says
Iam so excited thanx for telling !!!! omg cant wait and i am so happy that Obama became president .. <3 so glad !!!!!!!!! uhhhh !!!!!!!! gosh so happy lol….
Jesse says
“Do you know what the inauguration party would have involved if John McCain had been voted as president? Four hours of borderline-racist country music and a halfhearted rendition of Overdosin
brittanyshepherd says
i love the jonas brothers . i love joe jonas he is cute and funnyand sexxy