Not having been dumped by a Jonas brother, we’d assume that it’d be a giant relief – because then we’d get to move onto someone who’s not a toddler.
However, Taylor Swift doesn’t quite see it like that. Taylor was dumped by a Jonas brother last month, and she’s reacted as any normal 18-year-old girl would – by making an internet video that slags him off, by doing radio interviews that slag him off and by sort of claiming that all the angry songs on her new album are about what a turd he is.
Joe Jonas – for those of you who are able to distinguish between the Jonas Brothers and happen to inexplicably care enough to need to know which one dumped Taylor Swift, who we’re presuming you know as well – has yet to respond to Taylor Swift’s vitriol yet. Or maybe he has. To be honest we don’t care enough to find out.
Would anyone mind telling us how The Jonas Brothers suddenly got so famous? All we know about them is that they’re making a film about a trumping dog, they all have haircuts that are so ridiculous they border on illegal and the nearest any of them have ever got to a set of female genitals was once six years ago years ago when they accidentally got too close to a butcher’s window and one of them fainted.
But thanks to their music, film and TV work and the fact that Russell Brand mocked their virginity at a recent awards show, The Jonas Brothers are big business. Such big business, in fact, that it makes the news if one of them splits up with a girl. Even if we don’t really know who that girl is.
Which is good news, because we really don’t know who Taylor Swift is, either. Apparently she’s some sort of infant country singer or something. But, anyway, the important thing is that Joe Jonas split up with Taylor Swift last month, and in retaliation Taylor Swift has made it her mission to blurt out as many barely-veiled references to him in public as possible, as The Chicago Tribune reports:
On Ryan Seacrest‘s radio show Wednesday, the country star revealed that she penned the tune “Always and Forever” about their October split. In a new video on her MySpace page, she pokes a little fun at Jonas, who reportedly dumped her over the phone. Holding up the “Camp Rock” Joe doll, she says, “See, this one even comes with a phone, so he can break up with other dolls!”
Well that’s just nasty. We don’t know what the lyrical content of this new Taylor Swift song is, but since other songs on her forthcoming album include What Kind Of Arsehole Splits Up With A Girl On The Phone, You’re An Embarrassing Virgin, Nobody Wants To Go And See A Film About A Stupid Farting Dog and Joe Jonas: Pigfucker, we can’t assume that it’s very positive.
And if, like us, you’re having trouble visualising the enormity of Joe Jonas dumping Taylor Swift, why not do what we did and imagine that it’s a couple you’ve heard of who split up instead. Is that helping? No? Yeah, you’re right. Screw it.
gir says
This is worse than the time Kirk Cameron broke up with rationality.
Pffffft says
LOL, gir!!
By the way, this girl is lying her way to the bank. Pressed a song about an early-October breakup to a CD that shipped to critics in early October and comes out next week? Her management clearly ascribes to the John McCain school of public campaigning.
Poor Joe. Pick better next time, sweetie.
Carlie says
well in my own oppinion i think taylor swift deserved to be dumped by only one of the most hotest guys alive because she told lies and said nasty things about joe jonas witch are obvisouly not true… he is so sweet and she is so mean for saying that stuff about him.. im sorry taylor i love your music and all but that was mean of you and i love the JONAS BROTHERS! 4EVER…….
Taylor,NotSwift. says
No wonder all of her songs are about breakups. This is just getting sad, they were not even public about their relationship.. Taylor get over it. Myspace and Ryan Seacrest shows are hardly ways to vent your anger. Next time tell everyone you are still together, that way he will be forced to speak publicly.
maz and nal says
we think that oe jonas is telling the trut and taht taylor girl is such a liyr nd if she gose rond saying bad rumas we will still be jos big fans.4 life….!!!
Ty says
You people are fucked hes a fucking loser the whole virgin thing is a scandal so they are licked better but you pieces of shit.. he deserved anything bad about him cause hes a fucking homo.. she is so pretty and dumps her over the phone AHAHAHA you call that a man.. you fans really like to support a dumb ugly fuck… Jonas Brothers id say go fuck your selves if you could.. maybe dildo each other in the as?
Maurice Gibbs says
taylor is totly rocks
Taylor Swift says
That was wonderful!
James Thompson says
wtf is taylor doing with zac????????????
Taylor Swift says
?Taylor Swift talks about love, life ? neither of which this 18 year old virgin knows anything about.
Meredith says
Now Joe Jonas has made my list of people I hate.
He broke up with her OVER THE PHONE!!!!
In a freaking 27 second phone call!!!!!!
Team Taylor.
Gemma Riley says
She claims he put the phone down on her after 27 seconds or something but in fact she put the phone down on him.
whatever says
taylor swift is horrible at everything. why does anyone care about her? she stocks all of her ex boyfriends. and she sings like crap and is boring
anna says
you know joe broke up with taylor on the phone and no wonder shes making those vids because shes upset duuuhhhh and he got caght cheating with myilly syress
:efiL4zaggiN-Niggaz4Life: says
Taylur swifphht suxx such as da Jo-Hoez. who da fuck r thay? so….anywaiiz Fuck Da Police!! R.I.P Eazy-E. N.W.A muthafuckazzz. BtW wat th3 fuck iz a purety ring n whoze miley cuntcyrus ??
jonas who? says
i can’t seem to tell those brothers apart. also i heard from an interview that he split up with swift because he’s gay and that they (brothers) are having an affair with each other.
Tayor swift rocks! says
Taylor Swift is the best artist ever and the song is called: forever and always NOT always and forever!!!