In generations to come, serious historians will pinpoint High School Musical 3 as the event that kickstarted the fall of mankind.
You might not think so now, but you will. Because if it wasn’t for the box office success of High School Musical 3, then there’s isn’t a chance in hell that God-bothering tweenypop virgins The Jonas Brothers would be allowed to make a movie entitled Walter The Farting Dog, about a fat dog named Walter who farts a lot.
But they are. The Jonas Brothers are making a movie called Walter The Farting Dog, based on a successful range of children’s books. We can only pray that The Jonas Brother make Walter The Farting Dog a success, because that will inevitably lead to the most perfect movie of all time – Miley Cyrus in an adaptation of Ingrid The Diarrhetic Menstruating Monkey.
The Jonas Brothers are possibly the biggest band in the world at the moment; a feat they’ve achieved with their timeless mix of classic pop exuberance, giant Teenwolf haircuts and drastic, a near-rabid aversion to female ladyparts.
And, thanks to their new-found fame, The Jonas Brothers can pretty much do whatever they want. They get to have complete creative control over everything they do, whether it’s singing a song about holding a girl’s hand or singing a song about just being friends with a girl or – if they’re feeling really crazy and experimental – singing a song about providing a platonic emotional crutch for a girl in their hour of relative need.
Yup, short of actually growing a single baby-sized human testicle between the three of them, The Jonas Brothers can do whatever the hell they like. So it’s just a shame that what they’d really like to do is make a film entitled Walter The Farting Dog. MTV reports:
Based on a best-selling series of books, it follows the story of Nick, Joe and Kevin Jonas, along with their younger brother Frankie, who’ll play musicians who are asked to care for a fat dog with severe flatulence. While his brothers play music, Frankie Jonas and the dog get involved in a plot that involves liberating a koi fish and thwarting jewel thieves.
We’ll withhold judgement over Walter The Farting Dog until, well, until forever. It’s not actually like we’re ever going to see the titting thing, is it?
But, given The Jonas Brothers’ fast rise to prominence in the worlds of pop music and ill-advised ideological, slightly fearmongerish virginity, it’s a forgone conclusion that Walter The Farting Dog will make them even more famous than they already are now.
Maybe so famous, in fact, that one of The Jonas Brothers will follow Tween Law and end up getting pregnant with an older boy they go to church with. The smart money’s on Nick. We hear he’s diabetic.
Charlie Wolfe says
ughhh!! JB sucks!
Angelo Douglas says
OMJ! I\’m super excited!
Ryker Bean says
this song rocks zo much cuz itz zo cool
kedisha says
why wod any1 want 2 c a movie about a fartin dog i mean cmon i wod c my sister shave her legs or i wod rather c them naked then dis movie
emmie says
omg… A FARTING DOG?!?!?!?!?!!?! what the buck!!?!?!?!?!! why would anyone make a movie about a farting dog?!?!?!?!?!
AND FEATURE JB?!?!?!?!?!?! no waayy!! (it couldve been much better with jack black in it….)
what is this?!?!?!?! a jb ripoff?!?!?!?! what the hell!
Sunny says
I actually have a Walter the farting dog plush toy. Bought him at a Barnes & Nobles. Squeeze him and he makes delightful noises. He’s like this: Pffftttt!!!
Wait there was something about Jonas Brothers here wasn’t there?
Kirrsten says
Ok like wat the hell wats up with the last line of this article “we hear hes diabetic” wat the frik has that got to do with anything, also no they are not doing this movie so you just wasted your time ha