Articles tagged with: X Factor
X Factor Recap: Oh, Bye Then Miss Frank
Time for us to recap X Factor - the show so preposterous that it makes 2012 look like a low-budget Scandinavian arthouse film about lesbians. As you probably saw last night Miss Frank became the latest contestant to leave X Factor. And it was a shock - specifically because the British public had the chance to forget about Danyl Johnson forever, and they blew it. Idiots. Anyway, Saturday's X Factor was Big Band night, which is historically the least unbearable show of the series. So let's have a little recap, shall we?
Time for us to recap X Factor - the show so preposterous that it makes 2012 look like a low-budget Scandinavian arthouse film about lesbians. As you probably saw last night Miss Frank became the latest contestant to leave X Factor. And it was a shock - specifically because the British public had the chance to forget about Danyl Johnson forever, and they blew it. Idiots. Anyway, Saturday's X Factor was Big Band night, which is historically the least unbearable show of the series. So let's have a little recap, shall we?
X Factor Recap: Oh Dear, That’s Ricky Loney Done For
Last night Ricky Loney was eliminated from X Factor. Hopefully you didn't form a close attachment to him. Oh, of course you didn't - he was arse-awful. But aside from that gigantic inevitability, what else happened on X Factor this weekend? Well, Whitney Houston was the guest mentor, so the theme was obviously Diva Night. We heard it was going to be Ludicrous Former Crack-Addict Hasbeens Who Need Weird-Haired Frank Butcher Lookalike Sidekicks To Keep Them Upright, but that was found to be slightly too niche. Anyway, how did the X Factor contestants do this weekend? Time for that recap you've all been waiting for...
Last night Ricky Loney was eliminated from X Factor. Hopefully you didn't form a close attachment to him. Oh, of course you didn't - he was arse-awful. But aside from that gigantic inevitability, what else happened on X Factor this weekend? Well, Whitney Houston was the guest mentor, so the theme was obviously Diva Night. We heard it was going to be Ludicrous Former Crack-Addict Hasbeens Who Need Weird-Haired Frank Butcher Lookalike Sidekicks To Keep Them Upright, but that was found to be slightly too niche. Anyway, how did the X Factor contestants do this weekend? Time for that recap you've all been waiting for...
The Cheryl Cole Won’t-Sing-Live Conundrum Solved!
Some of you might have noticed that over the course of the Rocky films, the gravel-voiced trainer with the face like a seriously chewed piece of gum never got into the ring. He'd happily bark at Sly Stallone, calling him a loser, telling him what to do, but that was it. And the reason was simple - if he'd stepped up to Apollo Creed himself, the old man would have be dead before he hit the floor. It's a story that now echoes the life of Cheryl Cole. Everyone seems to have been going bananas over the last few days, as Cole has wriggled and wormed her way out of performing her new solo song live on Saturday night's X Factor, even though she mentors a gaggle of live singers week in week out. And we all know why. She knows why. Literally everyone knows why. Yet, no one seems comfortable acknowledging that it's the right move.
Some of you might have noticed that over the course of the Rocky films, the gravel-voiced trainer with the face like a seriously chewed piece of gum never got into the ring. He'd happily bark at Sly Stallone, calling him a loser, telling him what to do, but that was it. And the reason was simple - if he'd stepped up to Apollo Creed himself, the old man would have be dead before he hit the floor. It's a story that now echoes the life of Cheryl Cole. Everyone seems to have been going bananas over the last few days, as Cole has wriggled and wormed her way out of performing her new solo song live on Saturday night's X Factor, even though she mentors a gaggle of live singers week in week out. And we all know why. She knows why. Literally everyone knows why. Yet, no one seems comfortable acknowledging that it's the right move.
Leona Lewis Slapped By Man With Too Much Free Time
Leona Lewis was attacked at a booksigning event yesterday, and this has raised some important questions. Like how did it happen? Was there enough of a security presence? Why on Earth would anyone stand in line for five hours just so that they can hit Leona Lewis on the side of the head? Haven't they got anything better to do? Do people actually care enough about Leona Lewis to attack her? What the hell is Leona Lewis doing writing a book anyway? What's it called, My Year And A Bit Of Being The World's Dreariest Pop Star? All important questions. None of them will be answered below.
Leona Lewis was attacked at a booksigning event yesterday, and this has raised some important questions. Like how did it happen? Was there enough of a security presence? Why on Earth would anyone stand in line for five hours just so that they can hit Leona Lewis on the side of the head? Haven't they got anything better to do? Do people actually care enough about Leona Lewis to attack her? What the hell is Leona Lewis doing writing a book anyway? What's it called, My Year And A Bit Of Being The World's Dreariest Pop Star? All important questions. None of them will be answered below.
X Factor Recap: That’s Kandy Rain Gone, Then
Good news - the X Factor live finals are back! Better news - Kandy Rain were kicked off. Jesus on a stick, they were crap. But, hey, at least X Factor is back, and keeping current, too - one week after the Strictly Come Dancing racism row, Dannii Minogue decided to kick off an X Factor homophobia row of her own. We can’t wait for Dancing On Ice to return now because, if the pattern holds, Philip Schofield might just say something horrifying about Albanians. But anyway, how did the X Factor contestants do? Let’s have a wonderful recap, shall we?
Good news - the X Factor live finals are back! Better news - Kandy Rain were kicked off. Jesus on a stick, they were crap. But, hey, at least X Factor is back, and keeping current, too - one week after the Strictly Come Dancing racism row, Dannii Minogue decided to kick off an X Factor homophobia row of her own. We can’t wait for Dancing On Ice to return now because, if the pattern holds, Philip Schofield might just say something horrifying about Albanians. But anyway, how did the X Factor contestants do? Let’s have a wonderful recap, shall we?
Eau de Simon Cowell: The Stench of Exploitation
What's that smell? Could it be the subtle scent of talentless TV exploitation, the overwhelming fragrance of WAG or the clover-hinted odour of small-man's syndrome? Freshen up like a pointless media middleman with four new fragrances from X Factor. You're bound to get lucky if you smell like a TV talent show judge, and nothing says 'I love you' like rating your partner's performance in the sack. No, really, the X Factor judges are all getting their own perfumes. You'll be able to buy them in time for Christmas and everything.
What's that smell? Could it be the subtle scent of talentless TV exploitation, the overwhelming fragrance of WAG or the clover-hinted odour of small-man's syndrome? Freshen up like a pointless media middleman with four new fragrances from X Factor. You're bound to get lucky if you smell like a TV talent show judge, and nothing says 'I love you' like rating your partner's performance in the sack. No, really, the X Factor judges are all getting their own perfumes. You'll be able to buy them in time for Christmas and everything.
X Factor: Here’s Your Final 12, Then. Woo.
Well, there it is - the 12 X Factor 2009 finalists have been revealed. This is what you’re stuck with until Christmas, folks. Over the course of three bone-crushingly tedious hours on Saturday and Sunday night, half of the remaining 24 X Factor hopefuls were dispatched. We lost some real contenders along the way - like Daniel Pearce and Nicole Lawrence - but we also lost that crying opera boy too, so it’s not all bad. So allow us to introduce you to the 12 finalists of X Factor 2009. One of them is going to win, you know. We’re all done for...
Well, there it is - the 12 X Factor 2009 finalists have been revealed. This is what you’re stuck with until Christmas, folks. Over the course of three bone-crushingly tedious hours on Saturday and Sunday night, half of the remaining 24 X Factor hopefuls were dispatched. We lost some real contenders along the way - like Daniel Pearce and Nicole Lawrence - but we also lost that crying opera boy too, so it’s not all bad. So allow us to introduce you to the 12 finalists of X Factor 2009. One of them is going to win, you know. We’re all done for...
X Factor Bootcamp Recap: John & Edward And Other Awful Sods
Hey, did you see X Factor this weekend? You did? Good. Then you won't need a recap, will you? Because recapping X Factor's bootcamp stage is stupidity itself, really. The whole show is just hour after hour of two-second clips of dumpy people going "HUUUUUAGH!" on a stage followed by Cheryl Cole pulling a funny face. It's pointless. But then so are we, so we're going to do it anyway. Here are the X Factor acts who stood out for us this weekend, including Miss Frank, It Takez 2 and, oh heavens, John & Edward...
Hey, did you see X Factor this weekend? You did? Good. Then you won't need a recap, will you? Because recapping X Factor's bootcamp stage is stupidity itself, really. The whole show is just hour after hour of two-second clips of dumpy people going "HUUUUUAGH!" on a stage followed by Cheryl Cole pulling a funny face. It's pointless. But then so are we, so we're going to do it anyway. Here are the X Factor acts who stood out for us this weekend, including Miss Frank, It Takez 2 and, oh heavens, John & Edward...
