Posts tagged as:

X Factor

Little Mix And Tulisa Toast X Factor Success With A Kebab

by Matthew Laidlow

Hey you, quick, come out from behind the sofa. It’s all over, honest. After nearly four months, the auto-tuned X Factor singers won’t be making anymore feature length appearances on ITV to ruin your weekend. As we all know, Little Mix were voted as the winners. Or, it was all fixed by Simon Cowell for [...]

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Caroline Flack Determined To Have Most Awful Sexual History Ever (Really? Olly Murs?)

by Mof Gimmers

Death-threats have dogged Caroline Flack since everyone found out she’s allegedly been shagging Harry Styles from One Direction. Fans are furious and the rest of the world is doing small vomits in their mouths. That’s because Harry Styles is a veritable child. He’s 17 and she’s 408 years old. Of course, the Xtra Factor host [...]

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The X Factor Final Review: The One Where No More X Factor Ever Ever Happened Ever Again For a Bit

by Sophie Hall

Hello. Do you remember when you watched The X Factor final yesterday? Well, by an astonishing coincidence, so did we. And crikey, wasn’t it just totally and definitely and absolutely unequivocally passable? Yeah. Take that, H8ERS. *Dermot tongue roll* ALRIIIIGHT. It was in two halves, like the bloody brilliant darling that it is. Is it [...]

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Little Mix Can Supposedly Change People’s Lives

by Matthew Laidlow

Tomorrow is the final of the X Factor. It’s the one episode of the series that most of the general public tune-in for, apart from the audition rounds when we can laugh at delusional, frog-eyed members of the public. Other talent shows may spend the maximum of sixty minutes announcing their winner, but X Factor [...]

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Caroline Flack Doesn’t Think Having Sex With One Direction Teenagers Is Disgusting At All

by Joanna Bolouri

Xtra Factor host Caroline Flack has finally broken her silence over bouncy haired One Direction singer Harry Styles, in an attempt to end minutes of speculation over whether she was lustfully gnawing on his teenage bones like a dirty puma. After receiving death threats from hormonally unbalanced One Direction fans on Twitter warning her to [...]

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The X Factor Review; Week 16: Louis Walsh’s Wikipedia Search History, A Love Story

by Sophie Hall

We have two more weeks of The X Factor left, and then we can go and do something else in our brains. We know. It’s amazing. Amazing how it’s all gone so marrow-achingly slow isn’t it? Amazing how time can absolutely not shift for three months in the slightest sometimes. Amazing. A bit like how [...]

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The hecklerspray Anti-Cool List

by Lauren Mullineaux

The NME has this year decided that the coolest people in the music industry are a bunch of no-names and people we hate with every fibre of our disgruntled being; they will never make it and, if they’ve already ‘made it’, then their last name is Gallagher and we have absolutely no opinion on that [...]

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Olly Murs Has Never Seen Caroline Flack Naked Because They Did It With The Lights Off

by Michael Park

Pop scamp Olly Murs has insisted that there’s nothing going on between him and his Xtra Factor co-host Caroline Flack despite there OBVIOUSLY BEING SOMETHING GOING ON BETWEEN HIM AND HIS XTRA FACTOR CO-HOST CAROLINE FLACK. The Ex-Factor (hur hur) runner up has flatly stated that his flirty relationship with Ms. Flack is just that. Flirty [...]

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Jessie J Loses Her Rag About Twitter Users… On Twitter

by Robin Darke

Jessie J has torn a strip or two off all those people who dared to question the quality on prime time TV’s second favourite show, The X Factor. On which she was awful. Not even a tiny bit awful like this week’s reject, Janet Devlin. It was worse than if Whitney Houston’s coked almost of [...]

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Kelly Rowland Loves A Good Ol’ Sex Shop

by Matthew Laidlow

Who doesn’t love the X-Factor? Oh that’s right, people who listen to supposed “real” music. They’re the types who’ll only listen to music made by those who play their own instruments, write songs without the word “love” being mentioned and only release fifty copies of their album on limited edition cassette tapes. For everyone else, [...]

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