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Vanity Fair

Has Justin Bieber Effectively Admitted To Having Unprotected Sex With Fan?

by Mof Gimmers

So Justin Bieber got all pissy when he heard that some lass was saying that she’d given birth to his baby, baby, baby oooh. He told us to forget those stupid claims and focus on his criminally awful Christmas album instead. However, one thing Bieber wasn’t too good at refuting was the small matter of [...]

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Justin Bieber: The Dog Is Not His, And The Baby? Well…

by Mof Gimmers

So. The big news about Justin Bieber is this: He’s putting a Christmas album out that is so bad that the holiday season is going to be cancelled (the terrorists have finally won). He’s also adopted a dog. He’s also sired a child with a woman who kinda raped him, legally speaking. Okay? We’re up [...]

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Justin Bieber Gets Fan Pregnant With Corny ‘I Want To Feel Everything’ Line

by Mof Gimmers

The World of teeth snappingly annoying pop has been dealt a major blow today as rumours of the World’s most talented lesbian, Justin Bieber, has fathered a child with a fan. And not just any fan, but an older fan, turning her into an immediate MBLF (Mother Bieb’d Love Fuffing). Obviously these are just rumours [...]

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Great News – Justin Bieber’s Balls Have Dropped

by Mof Gimmers

It’s awful being a teenager. Your skin starts bubbling like some terrible sauce, your face becomes covered in some kind of feathery down leaving you looking like a weeping willow and, most crucially, your voice starts acting like a jerk. If being a teen wasn’t embarrassing enough (and of course NO-ONE UNDERSTANDS YOU), people say [...]

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Justin Bieber Records Some Christmas Songs And Kills The Holiday Season At The Same Time

by Matthew Laidlow

Even though today is officially Halloween – a day where everyone is allowed to dress like a devilish ghoul and stick two fingers up at God, the occasion has already past. Unless you work in a wacky office environment, they’ll be no badly hung up Halloween decorations. Halloween was unofficially shifted to Saturday 29th October [...]

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Want To Meet Justin Bieber As He Turns On Westfield’s Christmas Lights With His Mind?

by Mof Gimmers

Are you one of those shrieking tweens who just loves Justin Bieber sooooo much that, given the chance, you’d kiss his little face so much that it would drop off his undeveloped cranium? YOU ARE? Good news then! See, you can get the chance to meet your pint-sized hero as he switches on the Christmas [...]

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Selena Gomez Will Probably Die As God Wants Prophet To Slay Her

by Mof Gimmers

If you know anything about Selena Gomez – which you don’t because you’re old, infirm and unwilling to keep up with popular culture that lies outside of being old enough to be enjoyed ironically and post-modernly – you’ll know two things about her. The first is that she’s the beau of singing uterus lining, Justin [...]

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Peru Will Probably Kill Justin Bieber, Not Like The Rest Of You Wimps

by Mof Gimmers

It must be rubbish being Justin Bieber. You’ve got all that money and people wanting sex with you, yet you’re no even old enough to get on the log-flume at the local fair. Not to mention the fact that all your fans want your girlfriend to die. Still, regarding the last note, things are evening [...]

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Bieber Treats Selena Gomez To Date In Eerily Empty Hangar While Death Film Plays

by Mof Gimmers

Justin Bieber may only be fourteen weeks old, but he’s got himself a wickle girlfriend and he wants to treat her right and thrown his ill-gotten earnings around at her until she believes it’s love. And so, the two toddler millionaires went unchaperoned on a date which, in all honesty, sounds ghastly. Imagine being played [...]

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Justin Bieber Fans Proove Themselfs To Be Illitrate Morans

by Matthew Laidlow

Bieber fever, have you caught it yet? We didn’t want to and immediately got ourselves round to the doctors for a series of injections to boost our immune system… only for the GP’s to point and laugh at us. You see, Bieber fever won’t cause your testicles to grow into a second and third penis; [...]

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