Filth. Absolute filth. That’s what today’s celebrities are. You wouldn’t get old, classy celebrities like Marilyn Monroe posing naked for photographs would you? Certainly not. She had self-respect.

However, thanks to the wonderful technological advances of mobile phones and those cameras they’ve got built into them, we are now a planet of people capturing their nether-regions and sending them to other humans.

Celebs are no different… apart from the small fact that people want to hack into their phones and share them with the world. So which leaked celebrity n00dz are the best? Click over the jump where it is astonishingly NSFW.

You can’t move for naked celebrities, leaked or otherwise. The advent of the sex tape has added a whole other element to the voyeuristic nature of watching the lives of famous people.

For the first time, it feels like we can peer behind their bedroom doors and watch them at it. Even Sally from Home And Away has been caught out bumping uglies on a very noisy waterbed.

However, we need to place some kind of arbitrary importance on these photographs because, lets face it, some people get private images leaked and after we’ve stopped gawping at their flesh, we wonder who the hell they are.

And so, here are the 12 most ‘important’ or ‘best’ leaked celebrity photos.

And no, thanks to the British law, we haven’t included Dappy from N Dubz, although if you want to look at his long, thin member, we’re pretty sure you can find it online easily enough.

Renee Olstead

You may not have heard of Renee Olstead, but she’s a singer and actress. She makes this list because she’s the first celebrity to actually put a little effort into her nudey snaps. Leaked last March, Olstead went from being a kinda-nobody to a woman who everyone admired, albeit briefly. You can see her VERY NSFW snaps here.

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton had her phone hacked and pretty much invented the notion of a sleb becoming famous on the back of leaked photos… and of course, videos.

Ke$ha

Possibly the first time in history when pictures leaked of a celebrity and everyone actively wished they hadn’t seen them. Ke$ha appeared covered in someone’s love-gravy and everyone felt a little nauseous.

Hayley Williams

There’s something about rappers, RnB and pop singers that make you assume they’re dirty swine. However, delicate emo flowers like Paramore singer Hayley Williams was a little more surprising when she “accidentally tweeted” her boobies to everyone.

Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera went from being unattainably famous to a National Anthem forgetting, nude drunk in the space of a week. Here’s one of the leaked pictures.

Vanessa Hudgens

Vanessa Hudgens, star of High School Musical, became the classic ‘teen star’ who was sullied by having a life outside the squeaky-clean bubble of Disney. There’s a naked video floating around which allegedly features Hudgens too. Happy hunting.

Chris Brown

Chris Brown is one of the few celebrities who was reportedly unfazed by the leaking of naked photos of him. This is either because he’s got a big appendage or he’s unable to form a sense of shame, as shown when he continually forgot to show remorse for smacking Rihanna in the face.

Rihanna

Speaking of Rihanna, she had naked photographs leaked too. Did they contribute to the incident with Chris Brown? Rumours suggest as such, not that you lot care.

Kanye West

Apparently, Kanye was always sending pictures of himself to the ladies before he became gigantically famous. And here he is, showing of his Monster.

Miley Cyrus

Miley was only of interest to pre-teens, but then, after the leaking of some pictures, she transformed into an actual celebrity. Sure, no-one really knows what she does anymore, but these pictures helped to propel her career onward, rather than sideways. Daft pout though.

Ashely Greene

You know Ashley Greene right? She’s in the Twilight films. In 2009, we all ended up seeing more of her than she probably imagined.

Scarlett Johansson

The most famous of the lot, Scarlett Johansson managed to melt the entire internet when her boobies broke free. Jessica Alba must be absolutely thrilled because there was a vague hint of self-shot nudity dithering around the web, but ScarJo completely obliterate her and got hecklerspray lots and lots of traffic. Thanks.

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Vanessa Hudgens was one of the many celebrities this past weekend to forget she’s not a homeless person, and stop washing long enough to attend Coachella. Not washing yourself, taking special care never to wash your hands, is as integral to the experience as foraging for berries and burying your poop.

Reports from the weekend noted Vanessa had done something during the American music festival that involved no nude photos of any kind. Of course, this required reporting with urgency; with titles reading ‘ZOMG, Vanessa went 48 hours and her iPad wasn’t hacked for MySpace-face pictures.’

She attended the event with whomever she’d been sleeping with the past few weeks. That guy, you know. That bloke whose name we’re refusing to learn on principle (of celebrities treating their sex lives like some herpes-infected game of Russian Roulette… if she marries him, we’ll consider learning his name). At some point, hanging out and listening to the bands in the burning hot sun, Vanessa was seen eating something. But what?!

Pictures revealed it was a salad. Scandal! But then she went and licked something off her finger.

Something that was either salad dressing or a booger. We were betting our week’s milk money on the latter. Which is problematic, as now we’re eating our cornflakes dry.

What Vanessa licked off her fingers wasn’t salad dressing, or any one of the illegal drugs she was irresponsibly accused of taking – it was reported, as fact, she’d taken a pure form of Ecstasy called ‘Molly’ based on nothing but pictures of her poor attention to basic hygiene. Rather than stick with the ready-made excuse about dressing, her spokesperson told the media it was chocolate.

We know, we know.

The rep further explained the baggie of chocolate that passed for drugs had melted because of the heat. The drugs story was far more interesting and she should have revealed a non-existent cocaine addiction or something. That way, we’d still be talking about that the next time she leaked her own nudes.

This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, who doesn’t mind being photographed while binging on Class Z drugs, so show your props you ungrateful gits.

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Spring is in the air, those gloomy winter days are behind us for another year and we can look forward to all of the joys that the sunshine brings: flowers blooming, birds singing and, most importantly, BOOBS!

That’s right, it’s the time of year where celebrity clothes disappear at the same rate as clouds.

This week we’ve been treated to many a celebrity disrobing, so we’ll break them down one by one… over the jump you penises.

Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey:

Right, none of us actually care about what Nick Cannon’s love gun looks like, so we’re going to focus on his naked missus, Mariah.

Mimi has decided to strip off for various magazine covers (and some of those classy black and white pictures that apparently don’t count as porn) to show off her pregnancy bump, because that’s beautiful or something.

We here at hecklerspray aren’t as convinced, we’d much rather have seen her in the altogether before she was knocked up, but maybe that’s just us.

Kaley Cuoco:

She’s the one from the Big Bang Theory. When we initially heard that there were pictures of some lass from something called the Big Bang Theory with her knickers down we had pictured something completely different.

But we’ll give Kaley top marks for trying anyway, even if the picture was sold to us under false pretences.

Bridget Moynahan:

Her picture in the annual nude issue of Allure magazine (which is also the source of Kaley Couco, Keri Hilson and Ashley Tisdale’s naturist debuts) is lovely, but if we’re honest we have no idea who she is.

According to Wikipedia she’s some sort of model and actress who used to be married to an American football player.

Well… good for her.

Keri Hilson:

This is another picture from the rather grotty looking pile marked nice but of unknown origins. Hilson is an American R&B singer apparently, but we can’t really vouch for that.

All we can tell you is that we’re glad they went with her for this photo shoot and not Adele, because while Adele’s voice is beautiful you have to admit she has a bit of the Beth Ditto thing going on.

Ashley Tisdale:

Ms. Tisdale is the one from High School Musical who no one really paid attention to because Vanessa Hudgens was more attractive and a better actress/singer (which, when you think about it, says a lot more about Tisdale than it should).

Anywho, even though our Ashley looks good with her arse out, we can’t help but feel that this is just a cheap attempt to get as much attention as Vanessa does whenever she releases nude pics of herself.

The problem is that Vanessa is more willing to go down the hardcore route, which doesn’t leave Ashley with much of chance of being glanced at now, does it?

It might be worth mentioning that these are all professionally shot pictures, so there’s no chance of you gawping at nipples or anything naughty in the pictures (unless we’re talking about Vanessa ‘hardcore’ Hudgens), which is most likely the only reason you read this article anyway.

We probably should have put that at the start of the article. Sorry.

Pervert.

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After Disney star Vanessa Hudgens saw some nudey pictures of her getting leaked online, she became understandably furious. Well, as furious as a Disney actor can. We imagine she may have stomped one of her tiny little feet quite hard and shouting “Gee Willikers!”

The photos leaked, which no-one can really show because they’re fully naked, indulging in sex and provocative poses and the small matter that Hudgens was under-age in them (thereby turning you lot into people who should be on a certain list for trying to find them online), have been timed perfectly.

Why? She has a new film out of course! However, some are suggesting that the person responsible for the leak wants to damage the reputation of the film, despite the fact it would have had very little credibility in the first place. Anyway, the heavies are getting involved, which we assume means winged monkeys, summoned from some Disney tower.

Hudgens’s lawyer has summoned the winged apes in a bid to discover who the frig is leaking these shots, which have sent people who like seeing grotty, grainy, naked shots of people they kinda recognise from the telly.

The lawyer is called Christopher Wong and he says:

‘Vanessa is deeply upset and angered that these old photos, which were taken years ago, continue to resurface.

‘It is particularly disturbing that whoever got a hold of these private photos seem to be intent on illegally leaking them out over a long period of time.’

‘We are actively working with law enforcement to determine who is responsible and to hold them accountable for their actions.’

Basically, as you’re probably aware, the photographs show Zoey 101 star Alexa Nikolas swapping spit with Hudgens.

Of course, there’s been previous leaks (not like that you dirty minded gits!), which still upset Hudgens.

‘I think it has made me stronger. But it still hurts. It sucks because they were supposed to be private, but at the same time a lot of actresses do it [nudity].

‘Eventually, I’m sure that I will [on screen]. But I don’t know if I would be able to do it now.’

Hudgens recently split up with Zac Efron, who we assume was the intended recipient of these photographs. Surely he [REMOVED FOR LEGAL REASONS - HECKLERSPRAY IS AS YET NOT ABLE TO FEND OFF WINGED SIMIANS]

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Child stars are funny critters. Once they start to grow pubic hair or develop a deeper voice, it generally means that Mickey Mouse can no longer work with the individual in question, usually tossing them to the pavement for Pluto to mock.

Once you’ve appeared in a Disney show, you somehow have to prove yourself so you can go on and get serious work.

There are a variety of ways to achieve this. Miley Cyrus posed in her undercrackers and had a go on a bong whilst Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera flashed their genitals. Vanessa Hudgens is known for being part of the irritating High School Musical franchise where everyone seemed worryingly happy on a permanent scale.

Since breaking up from Zac Efron, we haven’t heard much from Vanesa Hudgens, though with the supposed “leak” of casual lesbian antics, she’ll have gotten on a few more radars.

Not that you’d be interested, but all sorts of sordid filth happens round the hecklerspray bedsit. All writers have to be vetted and this is a process involving a bottle of baby oil, cold water and a trampoline. These images are locked away in a safe so human eyes can’t see them. For them to magically appear on the internet, we’d have to physically upload them all whilst gagging on the photos of some people doing stuff that shouldn’t be possible according to science.

It’s strange how this is the second incident of Vanessa Hudgens having naughty pictures appear on the internet for perverts to have a couple of moments pleasure over.

Whilst she was going out with High School Musical co-star Zac Efron, a series of nude photos hit the internet. All we can assume is that these private exchanges were leaked either by Hudgens or Efron. Or one of their “wacky” mates did it for comedic purposes.

Therefore, you’d assume that Vanessa Hudgens would have had been a bit more sense than letting someone take photos of her kissing a girl called Alexa Nikolas. Anyone? Nope, us either.

Supposedly, she’s another child star who appeared in a show called Zoey 101. We have no idea what this is about, if anything, it sounds like some sort of sordid filth where an adult actress shows you 101 different ways of having sex with her.

However, we’ve found out that:

“Nikolas appeared in Hudgens’ music video for “Come Back to Me,” the lead single from her debut album, 2006’s V and is reportedly best friends with the star.”

Allow us to put on our slippers and light a pipe whilst we sit down with a pint of ale. The youth of today really are out of order don’t you think? Is this what friends do these days? When we were younger and less cynical, kissing each other was out of the question, mainly because we didn’t know what it was. Instead, we waltzed freely through green forests, making lemonade or throwing stones at people’s doors and running away so we didn’t get a clip round the ear.

Oh how we laughed.

If this trend continues, then we expect the cast of Glee to be caught up in some sordid dogging incident when they visit summer camp or whatever the hell it is Americans do.

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Zac Efron has the strangest of faces. It’s actually flawless to the point where you can almost imagine a great big green diamond over his head like he’s Simlish or something. We’ve never tried barking orders at him so we can make him urinate or set fire to a microwave, but we’re certain that it could happen.

Likewise, Vanessa Hudgens is similarly perfect. She looks like she’s been designed by a lonely CGI artist, asked to create the ideal girl for jaded teenagers who want something wholesome to masturbate over.

And of course, this pair made for one of the most capsizingly dull couples in Hollywood, livened up briefly by some self-shot nude photos and a break-up. However, it looks like they’re enjoying each other’s lips with some deft reboundery.

Zac Efron’s tiny little motorcar was spotted outside Hudgens’ house, meaning that they were indeed, still friends (like they’ve been claiming) or, rather, Efron was dropping off all her stuff that she’d left at his, making for a tear-laden afternoon where they exchanged possessions, which of course, reminded them of the good times they spend listening to Mike and the Mechanics together, or whatever it is they got up to.

However, sources/close friends/eye witnesses are all coming out in force now to point and shriek about how this crushingly bland pair are back together. We can only assume no-one else would have them. They’re too perfect looking. They’re just too soul-sapping.

And so, someone has seen them over the weekend in a nightclub in Hollywood, dancing and kissing. KISSING AND DANCING! Can you even imagine it? There’s a good chance they used tongues. And that might include the kissing too.

A source, who was at the rubbish sounding SHG’s Eden nightclub opening, where the beige pair were seen at, told reporters:

“They were constantly touching and kissing each other. Vanessa was bopping around with her arms up while Zac had his hands all over her.”

“Vanessa had a smile on from ear to ear and the two were inseparable after that.”

Other witnesses say that Hudgens smiled so much that the corners of her mouth met somewhere above her eyebrows and her face lifted up like a flap, revealing a grimacing skeleton, branded with the Disney logo.

So what have we learned from all this? Well, the Efron/Hudgens partnership are either fickle or massive liars who have claimed to split-up when in fact, they’ve been slobbering over each other all along.

We’ll never trust anyone, ever again.

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Zac Efron (Rob Lowe in a lesbian wig) and Vanessa Hudgens (you’ve seen her in the nip) split up didn’t they? This left furious onanists the world over imagining an implausible scenario where they might have sex with their preferred person of the couple. Or both.

Well, enjoy your pleasures of the palm while you can because it looks like they might be back together. This, of course, is planet-splittingly important and vital news for everyone.

And how do we know they’re giving it another go? Well, the irrefutable proof lies in the fact that Zac Efron (an unrealistic GI Joe figure in slacks) was spotted visiting Hudgens’ (you’re still thinking about those nude snaps aren’t you?) house. This definitely means they’re having intercourse again.

According to LikeYouEvenCareAboutTheSourceOfTheRumour, the High School Musical (Glee, before Glee happened) couple had a reunion on Monday. Nosy buggers noticed that Efron’s black Audi was parked outside Hudgen’s apartment. Did you know he drove a black Audi? Stalkers, take note.

Efron was snapped pulling into Hudgens’ driveway, which leaves us all knowing for absolutely certain that they’re back together, staring at each other blankly before retiring to the bedroom to have sex with each other because it is better than the inane chitter chatter they bandy around when in each other’s company.

Of course, this goes against Vanessa’s previous claimed they the two were still “good” after the break-up. Sure, they may have been an item, but now, they’re simply just friends. Okay? And possibly having a quick bonus-round before waving each other off and wondering why they got invested in each other in the first place.

During the short break-up, Efron had been linked to Bruce Willis and Demi Moore’s ridiculously named daughter, Rumer. Make your own jokes.

However, like his relationship with Hudgens, representatives for both Zac and Rumer claimed the pair were “just good friends.” Friends with benefits? Friends with stupid names?

Either way, Zac Efron is absolutely and definitely having it off with someone because he’s parked his car outside a house or something. In fact, we can assume that every time he parks his car, he’s going to be having sex with at least one person inside the building he’s outside.

He’ll be red-raw and limping by March.

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Zac Efron may well be the most peculiar looking chap on Earth. Simultaneously, he looks like a 40 year old lesbian, the most American young person ever, a very sophisticated mandroid, Rob Lowe in a Justin Bieber wig and a relaxed calf muscle.

Vanessa Hudgens meanwhile looked like a tidy belly button peering out of a hairy stomach and of course, has shown everyone her bush on the internet.

Between them, they were one of Hollywood’s dream couples. However, after a four-year High School Musical romance, they’ve both decided to admit to themselves that they can’t stand the sight of each other. Yes indeed stalkers! Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens have split up! You should probably send them things and see if you can capture their hearts. In a cloth sack.

Some lackey who probably works for Disney, who has the job to smooth over absolutely anything that might wrinkle the blemish-free veneer of the company, came about and said that there is no-one else involved and that the pair will remain good chums.

“It’s nothing dramatic. There’s no third party involved.”

Okay. Being peevish. Let us imagine that everything this trouble-shooter is saying is exactly the opposite to what actually happened and how Efron/Hudgens feel.

“It seems their romance just fizzled out. They are still talking and still friends.”

“There’s no drama. No one cheated. They just grew up.”

So we assume then, that the increasingly childish pair threw gigantic hissy fits, had sex with lots of other people and they now utterly despise each other. And yes, there’s a third party involved and that person is secretly shagging both of them.

That would be much more interesting if it were true, right?

The pair have spent an more and more time apart since the end of the High School Musical and they’ve both gone on to star in a bunch of films that no-one really gives two fucks about.

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Vanessa Hugens knows that the best way to get on in life is to find something you’re good and stick to it.

Luckily, she’s found something she’s great at. Acting? No. Singing? Come on, the girl sounds like a bad Britney Spears impersonator being mauled by feral street cats. No, Vanessa Hudgens is great at taking naked photos of herself that somehow find their way onto the internet. And, by christ, she’s sticking to it.

Just two years after her last naked picture scandal, a new batch of naked Vanessa Hudgens photos have hit the internet. She’s growing artistically, people.

The thing about High School Musical, as we’re sure you’ve already worked out, is that it just wasn’t very realistic. Everyone was academically dedicated and were characterised by their constant efforts to become better people. That’s not high school. There were no arson attacks. Teachers didn’t keel over from stress-related heart attacks midway through lessons. The majority of students didn’t leave unqualified to become manual labourers. And, ridiculously, none of the female students posted naked photos of themselves on the internet due to their inherent lack of self-esteem.

At least not in the movie. Because in real life Vanessa Hudgens was all over that crap.

You’ll remember the last set of naked Vanessa Hudgens photos, of course. It was a scandal that nearly got her fired from High School Musical 3 while simultaneously paving the way for the likes of Miley Cyrus to take some risque internet photos of her own. And, knowing that they brought her within a whisker of losing her career forever, Vanessa Hudgens vowed never to take naked photos of herself ever agai…

Oh, hang on, no. Scrap that, she’s at it again. Today the internet is awash with a brand new set of naked Vanessa Hudgens photos, all taken on her mobile phone. The official word from Vanessa’s publicist is that there’s nothing new about the photos, and that Vanessa took them during her flurry of naked curiosity a few years ago. But that hardly matters, because the newly-released naked Vanessa Hudgens photos – which can be seen online at, oh, The Huffington Post? Really? – show a dramatic leap forward in terms of visual aesthetic.

The last photos depicting Vanessa Hudgens naked were sort of boring – a full-frontal here, a cheap pseudo-lesbian kiss there – but this new batch show a rapid, almost superhuman, artistic progression. In the new set are photos of:

- Vanessa Hudgens topless in a tiny gold pair of shorts with a finger in her mouth.

- Vanessa Hudgens in her underwear, pulling the top of her knickers down.

- A soft focus Vanessa Hudgens cleavage shot.

- A picture of Vanessa Hudgens in a bikini on the beach, pulling a kissy face and pointing to a Zac Efron badge that she’s stuck on her tit.

That last one’s our favourite. But will people care about these new pictures of Vanessa Hudgens larking about in the nude? No, of course they won’t – Vanessa has already stated her intention to get naked in a movie soon and, besides, we were already starting to get bored of looking at her tits anyway.

So don’t expect these new naked photos of Vanessa Hudgens to stir up much of a scandal. No, that’ll come when she gets videoed manually pleasuring a labrador, which by our calculations should happen sometime before Christmas.

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10 - They’re coming. THEY’RE COMING! – Geekologie

9 - Important bikini news. You heard – Interestment

8 – Here’s another thing that Matt Berry is humiliatingly good at – Watch With Mothers

7 – Parents: Vanessa Hudgens hates your children (sort of) – Amy Grindhouse

6 - Now it’s time for something genuinely disturbing! – Bestweekever

5 - Would you like to see Peter Andre‘s new video? No? Shut up, here it is – Popsugar

4 - How to pick up chicks. Apparently – Shoutingatcows

3 - Choose your own apocalypse. You know, if you like – Slate

2 - What your name badge says about you – Holytaco

1 – Best music video of all time? Why yes…

Hollywood Records is a label imprint for the Walt Disney Company.

Therefore they have a truly horrible roster of ’stars’ like Hayden Panettiere and Vanessa Hudgens. Although I will pretty much listen to any tween piece of crap, some of this stuff is truly bone-chilling. The label pretty much makes its money solely on the premise that if teenagers like to see rubbish actors in movies, they will LOVE hearing them sing. Unfortunately for us, this appears to be true. Basically, being an artist on Hollywood records is like being a chef at McDonalds.

Prime examples after the jump…

Jesse McCartney – It’s Over

6,474,564 views

Jesse McCartney is the latest in a line of snivelling little girl singers, lisping his way through ballads about the kind of impossibly complex love and heartbreak only a 21-year-old whose voice hasn’t yet properly broken could ever hope to fathom. In this video he mopes around (as usual), enlisting the help of some deeply uninvested producers and one of Justin Timberlake’s set designers. The song sounds like something he found whilst digging though Babyface’s trash.

Hayden Panettiere - Wake Up Call

4,893,437 views

This is one of the most awful songs I have ever heard and I can honestly say I would rather be forced to watch someone murder and eat my family than have to listen to it again. Who the fuck wrote in a RAP!? I think the gist of the song is if your boyfriend stops paying attention to you you should have sex with someone else to remind that he loves you. If this doesn’t make sense to you, don’t worry, that just means you’re not a cretin.

Jonas Brothers – Burnin’ Up

15,186,494 views

The Jonas Brothers halfheartedly pretend to be interested in women and some paid actresses halfheartedly return the favour. Confused man-children with bad hair.

Vanessa Hudgens – Sneakernight

35,933,696 views

This song is pretty catchy, but whilst watching the video all I could think was ‘Heh heh heh. I’ve seen your minge.’

Insane Clown Posse – Down With The Clown (no seriously.)

17,467 views

WOOO! RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE! ANARCHY!

Corbin Bleu – Deal With It

1,382,976 views

Things that are probably less painful than this video:
Vivisection sans anaesthetic
Childbirth
Having a 300 pound woman repeatedly stamp on your testicles
Licking the crotch of one of Paris Hilton’s thongs and then having to deal with whatever diseases you contract.

Miley Cyrus – 7 Things
92,930,397 views

One of the only Hollywood Records artists I have nothing bad to say about because this song is awesome and so is Miley Cyrus. At 16 she’s already had three ‘erotic pic’ phone leaks and enjoys dating older men and perceived racial slurs. Someone for the kids to look up to, truly.

This was a guest blog by Amy Green from Interpol Groupies Wear Black. She means it, man.

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Vanessa Hudgens is a whore. We’ve avoided saying that in the past for fear of legal action, but she is.

Vanessa Hudgens is a whore. Come on, say it with us. It’s fun – Vanessa Hudgens is a whore. Apparently we should point out that Vanessa Hudgens isn’t an actual whore, and that she’s only going to be playing one in a film – which sort of spoils the fun if you ask us – but, hey, at least this means you’ll finally get to see what Vanessa Hudgens looks like naked.

Pardon? You’ve already seen Vanessa Hudgens naked? Everyone has? OH FINE THEN.

The High School Musical movies were a phenomenon for one specific reason – they showed the youth of today that, with bit of application and the knowledge that your friends will always be there for you, anyone can achieve their dream of running around with their norks out in a low-rent film about hookers. Why, just look at dear old Vanessa Hudgens, for example.

Since High School Musical 3 wrapped, Vanessa Hudgens has been desperate to appeal to a more adult audience. And that seems to be exactly what she’ll do with her new movie Sucker Punch. Admittedly Vanessa Hudgens is trying to appeal to a very specific adult audience – the sort of adult audience that cuts holes in its trouser pockets so that it can masturbate discreetly at the cinema, the sort of adult audience that only became a removal man so that it could steal women’s underwear when nobody was looking – because she’ll be playing a naked prostitute. But a girl’s got to start somewhere. The LA Times reports:

“I’m playing a character named Blondie, and it’s set in a brothel in the 1950s, so there’s not a whole lot of clothes!… I think this is my time to really step it up and get to grow up.” She talks about her role as a sexy woman “strutting her stuff” … and she does things “I would never have imagined doing.”

News of Vanessa Hudgens disrobing for a film isn’t exactly shocking, given that she recently stated her intention to do just that. Plus don’t forget that Vanessa Hudgens is already a world leader in the art of getting naked for the cameras, so whether it’s a film camera or a mobile phone camera or a pinhole camera she made out of an old Pringles tube just so it allowed her to run around with her minge out for a while, it doesn’t really matter.

We will profess that we’re surprised how quickly Vanessa Hudgens has agreed to go naked for a movie, though – we always thought the formula went teen film, failed mainstream film, cancelled primetime TV show, cancelled daytime TV show, film nudity, outright pornography, drug addiction, clean-up period, born-again christian country and western album. And it’s a worry that Vanessa has already skipped so many of these stages – if she now bypasses porn and goes straight to the country album, there’ll be hell to pay. You hear us, Vanessa? Hell to pay.

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The High School Musical kids have graduated. And what does that mean? For Zac Efron it means becoming a star in his own right.

For the majority of the other High School Musical cast it means getting a supermarket job and spending day after day waiting for a vague recognition from customers that never comes. And for Vanessa Hudgens it means getting naked and slapping her tits and clodge about with wild abandon in every single film she ever makes.

Really. Vanessa Hudgens said so, “if the movie calls for it.” Which it will, because it’ll almost certainly be porn.

Remember when those naked Vanessa Hudgens photos turned up on the internet? Yes, so do we. It was a much simpler time back then – before Miley Cyrus came along with her adult boyfriend and her love of taking her clothes off with such deadening regularity that we’ve all become desensitised to it.

We’re not the only ones who miss the good old days of seeing Vanessa Hudgens naked, either. Vanessa Hudgens seems to miss it just as much. In fact – if you ignore the three films she made where her sole contribution was singing a procession of blank-eyed songs about believing in yourself – getting naked on the internet is the only thing that Vanessa Hudgens has done in her entire life.

And now that her fellow former tweensters are growing up and starring in bad remakes of Big with the crap one from Friends, it’s possibly time for Vanessa Hudgens to revisit her glory days. MSNBC reports:

“I will show nudity in a film when the time is right,” Hudgens, 20, said in an interview with E! Online. “Right now, I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it. When the time’s right, if it’s an amazing movie that I’m really passionate about and that’s what it calls for, then we’ll see.”

Did you hear that? If, in several years’ time, Vanessa Hudgens is offered a role in a film that’s obviously beyond her artistic capabilities and calls for a fleeting glimpse of sideboob or a blurred shot of a buttock, then there’s a slim chance that Vanessa Hudgens will disrobe for it. SHE’S DEFINITELY GETTING NAKED AGAIN! PARTY TIME!!

Although, to throw water on our own alarmingly horny bonfire, what’s the point? We’ve already seen Vanessa Hudgens naked once, so it’s hardly going to get anyone excited to hear that she’s going to do it again. Not unless she’s decided to shave her pubes into the shape of a dragon or plans to show us a part of her naked body that we haven’t seen before, like the back of one of her knees or the underside of a toenail or something. Because then we’d be there like a shot.

And before you say it – no, Vanessa Hudgens publicly declaring her willingness to be naked on film isn’t a sign of desperation at all. In fact the last person to do anything remotely like this was Jessica Simpson, and she’s one of the most famous women on Earth. Oh, wait, no, it isn’t 2004 any more. Oh God, Hudgens, you’re doomed.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

It’s not surprising there are so many movie stars and directors on Twitter.

Well, let’s face it, they have not got much else to do, have they? Doing two movies a year, the odd junket and endless parties is hardly the most demanding schedule.

So why not spend some of your time annoying the hell out of them? To help you in your task, we have provided a list of Hollywood stars who somehow find the time to regularly update their Twitter accounts. Oh, and for some reason we also included John Mayer.

Enjoy!
26. Shahrukh Khan

India’s biggest movie star

http://twitter.com/shahrukh_khan

Typical tweet: “Mycoprotein cutlets are a very good alternative to pork or chicken or veal, it seems.”

25. Jennifer Aniston’s ex-boyfriend

John Mayer

http://twitter.com/johncmayer

Typical tweet: “Interviews with Seacrest are like flooring it in a golf cart: you’re not going fast enough to do any real damage, but you still hold tight.”

24. Emma Watson

Harry Potter actress

http://twitter.com/mwtsnx

Typical tweet: Another private one – but we are guessing it’s about shopping and eating.

23. Nikki Reed

Actress from Thirteen and Twilight

http://twitter.com/itsnikkibitch

Typical tweet: “Found photos of rob & I from yesterday. Good thing you stayed at home or you would have had a meltdown,” in response to Kristen Stewart, whose account is currently suspended.

22. David Silverman

Simpsons Animator and director; co-director of Monsters, Inc

http://twitter.com/tubatron

Typical tweet: “Now that I’ve lost so much on the stock market, it pains me that I didn’t spend money friviously instead.”

21. Dane Cook

Unfunniest person on the planet who is in movies sometimes

http://twitter.com/Dane_Cook

Typical tweet: “WOW! everybody’s twiterring now! looks like i’m not the only loser hahaha.”

20. Rachel Bilson

Actress and less-than-frequent Twitterer

http://twitter.com/rachel_bilson

Typical tweet: “Shopping! Shhhhhh.”

19. Kevin Pollak

Actor

http://twitter.com/kevinpollak

Typical tweet: “Were the Jonas Bros sent here by a messenger of good or evil…..?”

18. Diablo Cody

Former stripper and screenwriter

http://twitter.com/diablocody

Typical tweet: “Gotta go. Feeding the parents.”

17. Jane Fonda

Actress

http://twitter.com/JaneFonda

Typical tweet: “Just approved the last few pages on my blog which will launch tonight. Exciting…..I’ve got to get some sleep soon, hopefully launch soon.”

16. Channing Tatum

‘Actor’

http://twitter.com/channingtatum

Typical tweet: “Check Out Channing Tatum’s Top Ten BIGGEST Fans for 2009!!!”

15. John Lithgow

Actor

http://twitter.com/John_Lithgow

Typical tweet: “So the front page of the NY Times compared my hairline to Elvis’ on Friday. Is this a compliment?”

14. George Takei

Star Trek legend

http://twitter.com/georgetakei

Typical tweet: “Our thoughts go out to the families from the plane crash in New York. Make sure you hug those close to you and let them know you care.”

13. Jean Claude Van Damme

Muscles from Brussels

http://twitter.com/jcvd

Typical tweet: “Hello toutes mes new fans sur Twitter. Le love que je feel sur ce site depuis two days me donne autant d’energy que la pectine d’une pomme.” – No idea, but it has something to do with an apple.

12. George Lucas

Director

http://twitter.com/George_Lucas

Typical tweet: “Kids are really loving the new Clone Wars series”

11. Arnold Schwarzenegger

The Governator

http://twitter.com/schwarzenegger

Typical tweet: “It is not that California is ungovernable. It’s that for too long we have been split by ideology.”

10. Kevin Smith

Film Director, Actor

http://twitter.com/ThatKevinSmith

Typical tweet: “Just woke up. Am taking the morning dump.”

9. William Shatner

Legend

http://twitter.com/WilliamShatner

Typical tweet: “Ricardo Montalban was a wonderful man I saw him on Broadway I was entertained by his movies. I loved working with him on the film we made.”

8. Ashton Kutcher

Actor

http://www.twitter.com/aplusk

Typical tweet: “Apparently I have all my planets in Aries. Which means I need to work on listening more. What?”

7. John Cleese

Python etc

http://twitter.com/JohnCleese

Typical tweet: “some people spout complete twaddle. they could be spouting incomplete twaddle and leaving the remaining twaddle for us. thoughtless!”

6. David Lynch

Overrated director

http://twitter.com/DAVID_LYNCH

Typical tweet: “Thought of the Day: Stay true to the idea.”

5. Stephen Fry

English national treasure and sometime movie actor and director

http://twitter.com/stephenfry

Typical tweet: “600 people went to the theatre, not to see Oliver but to compete in a paper & chocolate wrapper rustling competition. Others came to cough.”

4. Vanessa Hudgens

High School Musical actress

http://twitter.com/VanessaHudgens

Typical tweet: “Just bought a juicer online. The name of the game is enzymes: who knew?”

3. Demi Moore

Annoying actress and Twitter nut

http://twitter.com/mrskutcher

Typical tweet: “Hubby torturing me!”

2. Luke Wilson

Slightly-less-popular-than-brother actor

http://twitter.com/LukeWilson

Typical tweet: “It’s hard to keep this twitter thing updated! I should hire someone to do this! ”

1. Elijah Wood

Actor and hobbit

http://twitter.com/elijahwood

Typical tweet: “Dancing in my underwear like Tom Cruise in Risky Biz, lol”

Now follow hecklerspray on Twitter too, please, you sods.

As popular as Twilight was, it didn’t really fill anyone’s quotient of spooked-out kids who put the willies up everyone.

Teenagers with comically bad haircuts, yes. But Twilight just didn’t have as many freakishly intense, frighteningly composed big-eyed children who look like they crawl out and eat your thoughts at night as we expected. But that doesn’t matter, because Dakota Fanning could be in Twilight 2 and she’s exactly that.

According to reports, Dakota Fanning will play Jane in New Moon, a vampire who ‘creates illusions of pain’. We’ve seen Hide And Seek, so we know she’s great at that already.

Kids these days, eh? They grow up so damn fast. Why, just look at dear old Dakota Fanning. Time was when she was nothing more than the spooky-looking kid from War Of The Worlds whose parents were so determined to make her a megastar that they happily let her star in a child-rape movie when she was 12 years old.

But look at her now! Our little Dakota is all growed up. Why, it’ll only be a few years before she can get shitfaced on drugs and smash her car up like the creepy kid from The Sixth Sense. But in the meantime Dakota Fanning may as well slap on too much eyeliner, pretend that Paramore are a tolerable band and sign up for Twilight 2.

That’s right, following the sad news that Vanessa Hudgens won’t be in Twilight 2 because of the dearth of songs about being yourself and helping your friends, it’s been reported that Dakota Fanning – everyone’s favourite ghostly-looking childstar from 2005 – is being lined up instead. MTV reports:

New reports are claiming that star of Man on Fire and War of The Worlds, Dakota Fanning is in talks to play a vampire in Twilight sequel New Moon... The Chris Weitz sequel is scheduled to begin filming at the end of March with Fanning (14) lined up to play Volturi member Jane. In the Twilight novels, Jane is an Italian vampire whose special power is the ability to create illusions of pain.

Ah yes, Jane who creates illusions of pain. It’s easy to tell which Volturi member is which in Twilight 2 because their names all rhyme with their special power. There’s Jane who creates illusions of pain, Alec who makes things metallic, Marcus who can reanimate your carcass and Renata the dirty farter. Look it up if you don’t believe us. It’s what she’s really called. It’s all in the book.

Still, it’s brave of Dakota Fanning to take on a bit-part in a movie franchise after spending such a long time being the star of her own films. It might seem like a little detour from her ‘new Jodie Foster‘ career path to begin with, but don’t forget that Dakota Fanning is still young – she’s still got plenty of time to inspire rabid fans to blow up airports on her behalf and become a lesbian and whatnot. It all works out in the end.

And anyway, we honestly believe that Dakota Fanning will be a great addition to the Twilight 2 cast alongside the mullety beefcake and Robert Pattinson’s stupid haircut. We’re being serious – we’re really looking forward to avoiding her like the absolute titting raging bastard plague when Twilight 2 comes out.

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