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Transformers 2

Shia LaBeouf Selfishly Forces Transformers 2 to be Completely (Slightly) Changed

by Ian Dransfield

It’s something we’ve all been taught from a young age, from our days of appearing in school productions of whatever rubbish the teachers thought our parents may want to see: don’t ruin your body parts when you’re playing the lead character. It’s something that maybe, possibly just should have been taught to everyone’s favourite beef [...]

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Shia LaBeouf’s Drunken Mangled Hand Keeps Him Off Transformers 2

by Stuart Heritage

There’s this great scene in the Transformers 2 script where Shia LaBeouf defeats Megatron forever by sewing a complex embroidery of a kitten in a sock.

But don’t expect it to show up in the finished movie, because Shia LaBeouf knackered his hand up something rotten in the drunken car crash that he was arrested for this weekend, and it’s ruled him out of any embroidery action – complex or otherwise – for the foreseeable.

Thanks to the extensive hand surgery he’s received in light of the crash, Shia LaBeouf is taking a month away from the production Transformers 2 to recover. But after that, the injuries won’t affect any of Shia LaBeouf’s other upcoming films, like The Spectacular Adventures Of Deformed Claw-Boy and Butchered Useless Finger-Stump: The Musical. Phew.

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Michael Bay Orders Megan Fox To Chub The Flip Up

by Stuart Heritage

You know what the problem is with Megan Fox? You can’t hear her thighs scraping together when she walks anywhere.

This is because Megan Fox clearly isn’t fat enough. Boys only like girls if they’ve got wads of back fat you could lose your fist in and a chin that’s barely visible under the rolls of sweaty neck-lard. There’s nothing more arousing than a girl having a chronic wheezing fit because she’s had to run 10 metres for a bus, right boys?

That’s what Michael Bay thinks, anyway. Now that Transformers 2 is under way, Bay has decided that Megan Fox is far too skinny and that she needs to be 10 pounds heavier. Nobody really knows why, but he’s probably just worried that Megan Fox is so skinny that she’ll buckle and snap under the weight of all Transformer 2′s obvious crappiness.

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