Only America could host the idea of having a commercial about a commercial. And that’s exactly what VW have done in the build-up to the Super Bowl, which of course, is more of a marketing showreel than an actual sporting event.

Hell. American Football is barely a sport in itself. Ostensibly, it’s two teams of androids running at each other screaming. What’s not to like?

Anyway, the commercial about a commercial features a squad of dogs all in Star Wars garb and  together, they sing a very familiar tune. Click over the jump to watch it. And no, we’re not getting paid for this.

Last year, we saw VW flogging their Passat with an advert called ‘The Force’ which showed a little Vader trying to use his powers around the house.

The company behind that have come up with another Star Wars themed commercial and George Lucas obvious doesn’t mind coining it in for zero work. So how do you top Mini Vader? DOGS. And VW stuck out a teaser for the upcoming VW Super Bowl commercial.

And Super Bowl ads are not to be sniffed at. This year, companies are paying an average of $3.5 million for 30 seconds of advertising time in the big game (which is on February 5th).

But you don’t care about that.

You want to see a bunch of dogs dressed in Star Wars outfits singing a song don’t you? Keep an eye out for the AT-AT. Absolute show stealer.

Yes, we know what you’re thinking and stop looking at us like that. You’re one of those Star Wars nerds that hate everything to do with the franchise after 1982, aren’t you? You don’t have any time for Ewoks or Gungans or modern, snazzy computer graphics. You want to watch monsters that move like they’re on rails and Anthony Daniels hamming it up without any interference from the modern world.

You know what? That’s fine.

Pretty much everything to do with Star Wars after ‘The Empire Strikes Back‘ (and maybe ‘Return of the Jedi’) was such a pile of complete dross that it’s enough to make Michael Winner consider re-releasing some of his films updated to HD. Those of you who groaned at the first appearance of the shambling Jar-Jar Binks would have found yourselves doubled over in agony by the time The Clone Wars hit TV screens.

Up until recently, The Clone Wars was all that any Star Wars fan had to give them an indication of what a TV series might be like and guess what: it was crap. It felt like a marketing tie-in designed to transmogrify character models so that Lucasarts could flog more toys to kids that had grown up at a time where Star Wars had become a laughing stock. Of course, as with all of Lucas’ cunning marketing ploys; it worked.

In the first decade of the new millenium, Sci-Fi fans saw its traditional rival ‘Star Trek‘ as the “cooler” option. Sure, a reboot by JJ Abrams is enough to help out any ailing franchise but Star Wars fans were left wondering what was to become of the franchise that reinvented Science Fiction in the 70s’. Would they get a cool reboot designed for the digital age or would George Lucas continually update and adapt the original trilogy until he had eventually replaced the leading cast with computer generated facsimiles of Shia LaBoeuf?

That disturbing image of a future where everyone looks like Shia LaBoeuf brings us back to The Clone Wars. It has long been mooted that the next step for the franchise was onto the small screen and it was understood that scripts were already in place to create a series set between Episode III: The Last Rubbish One & Episode IV: The First Good One. Nothing more was revealed and forums began to melt under the burning loins of fans’ expectations but at long last, producer Rick McCallum has revealed the name and the over-riding theme of the show to IGN.

Star Wars: Underworld

We hear your sharp, sexually excited intake of breath and we applaud you for it. Far from being another kid-orientated romp with all the familiar characters, McCallum & co want to delve into the murky underbelly of Galactic Society. We’re talking gangs, Imperial raids and, perhaps most importantly Bounty Hunters.

Suddenly the idea of a live action Star Wars TV series has merit. Could the main character be the man that has become synonymous with all that was cool about the Star Wars Universe, Boba Fett? Well frankly, you’d bloody hope so, wouldn’t you?

Still, don’t get your hopes up. Despite negotiations being ongoing, the series is still mired in budgetary wranglings. Supposedly it’s quite hard to make something look like Star Wars for $5million per episode. On the off chance that this might actually be good, why don’t we all have a whip-round? hecklerspray can exclusively reveal that we’re willing to offer 20 pence to Mr McCallum to help fund the pilot episode. We can’t say fairer than that.

So, a gritty, grown-up Star Wars series may be another decade away but isn’t something with a bit of sci-fi credibility worth waiting for? We’ll be here watching and waiting and hoping that we don’t end up taking the blame for it being awful.

Yesterday was great for death. Kim Jong-il (or, as some dumb American said, Kim Jong The Second) shrugged off his mortal coil while elsewhere, rumours floated around about various celebrity deaths!

One such rumour was Brian Harvey (not dead, but can’t be far off) and another was Jon Bon Jovi.

When Jon ‘Bon Jovi’ Bon Jovi heard about his untimely passing, he thought he’d redress the balance by letting everyone know that, regrettably, he was absolutely alive as can be. Alas, for a crime of Christmas in his past (for which we have a video), his death would have restored some balance in the force.

Overweight women and men wearing stained vests (or, if you prefer, fans of Bon Jovi) were left feeling pretty frantic yesterday when gossip reared up like a jaundiced horse, suggesting the star had suffered a cardiac arrest and passed away.

We were hoping to inherit his bizarrely uniform teeth.

However, his spokesperson who clearly doesn’t have much on at the minute, swiftly dismissed the reports while Jonny Bonny Jovington appeared to reassure us all that he was very much alive.

The singer posed for a picture holding a sign which read:

‘Heaven looks a lot like New Jersey Dec 19th 2011′

See for yourself.

However, his passing would have been a perfect Christmas present for all the festive periods he’s ruined with his awful, awful R2D2 We Wish You A Merry Christmas song.

Haven’t heard it? Start wishing death on Jonathon Bonathon Von Jovi right now.

Doubled or Quit?

Folded

• Mobile Phones – They won’t give you brain cancer! Hurrah! Well… they might.
• A History Of Ancient Britain – Neil Oliver tells us about the Iron Age while holding up the jaws of our ancestors. Marvellous!
• Rich Johnston – We’re going to bring down the government with a He-Man sword! Oh, wait. Hang on. Well… we can try!
• Poor Hollywood Geography – This is the kind of pedantry we condone.
• Star Wars – It’s coming to TV!

Creased

• Star Wars - It’s coming to TV!
• Why Don’t Public Institutions Allow Folding Bikes?! – Wait… no-one gives a fuck.
• Zombie Gameboy – Sure, it’s cool and all but it’s not going to stop us having nightmares.
• Blanket Media Coverage of a Corpse – All right, we get it. He is not sleepeth, he is very dead.
• Editor Mof’s Face - There’s a Tumblr full of it and if that’s not creased, we don’t know what is.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or face dire consequences or ‘Like’ us on Facebook or BUY ONE OF OUR T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU LOVE… & your little dog too!

Suited or Booted?

Folded

• R.I.P. Steve Jobs – There’s nothing wrong with being snarky but let’s remember this sort of thing.
• US Network Drama – Or rather, why it’s rubbish.
• Movie Posters - If they told the truth, this is probably what they’d say.
• When Bad Films Happen To Good Actors – There’s not a lot of arguing with Shortlist’s exhaustive list.
• Kismot Killer Curry – A curry that hospitalises the people who eat it? Where do we sign up?

Creased

• Celebrity Reporters Are Like Political Correspondents – Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh… wait a minute.
• Movie Stars Are Vampires?! – No, they’re not. Especially not John Travolta. He’s an alien. D’uh.
• If Walls Could Talk – If you’ve got a Smeg fridge, an Aga and a middle class superiority complex then this show is for you. Although hearing Lucy Worsley say ‘wrought’ and ‘proliferation’ is worth the license fee alone.
• Steampunk – Ruined by Wild Wild West & the impending release of The Three Musketeers, you can buy these Star Wars interpretations. If you want. No pressure.
• The Human Centipede II – It’s a video nasty! No, it’s not.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or else we’ll kill you in your sleep or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER LOVED!

William Shatner – or, The Shat, as we like to call him -  is a fine, fine man. We say ‘fine’. We actually mean ‘like watching an endless loop of terrible car wrecks, limbs flying through the air’.

Right? Right.

The Shat is prone to opening his mouth and not thinking too much about what tumbles out. That’s why he’s so fun. And when he does think about it for a second, it usually translates into the most hilariously earnest acting you’ve ever seen. That doesn’t stop him from judging other people’s work. Hell no. Why would it? Now, he’s sticking the boot into Star Wars. It’s Star Wars versus Star Trek!

See, despite obvious evidence to the contrary – not that Bill Shatner would know, because he’s never seen Star Trek according to… well… himself – the daft ol’ sod who played Captain Kirk doesn’t think George Lucas’s six-film franchise is a patch on Star Trek.

He told The Sun:

“Star Trek had relationships and stories that involved humanity and philosophical questions. Star Wars was special effects.”

Yep. Star Trek definitely didn’t have any of those. You’ve seen those polystyrene rocks and lousy costumes they all wore, right?

And of course, Star Wars dealt with humanity (the lack of it in Darth Vader; the toil of the human soul in the face of inherent good/intrinsic evil  with Anakin; the cry of OH THE HUMANITY every time Jar Jar Binks appeared on-screen) and philosophy (Yoda – The end) while Star Trek… uuh… well… there was a lot of sitting around waiting for meteors to hit the ship.

But Shatto isn’t done there. He’s laying into Princess Leia, played by Carrie Fisher, adding:

“[She] can’t compare to the marvellous heroines we had on Star Trek.”

That’d be the marvellous heroines who Bill didn’t like talking too much. Nichelle Nichols (Uhura you you-hura) infamously gave The Shat a dressing down, kicking off with ‘Now let me tell you why I hate you‘ before telling him that, despite the few lines she had in the show, he would sometimes argue with the director that an Uhura dialog line was unnecessary.

To quote Nichols:

“Bill Shatner would crap on the last piece of pizza just so no-one else could enjoy it.”

So, aside from Star Trek fans and actors (Nichelle Nichols excepted, of course) all being wholly stupid and mental, Lucas doesn’t compare to Shatner in one field.

Roll VT…

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or else we’ll kill you in your sleep or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER LOVED!

George Lucas has got everyone thinking about Star Wars again, what with him re-releasing it for the millionth time and, better yet, still tinkering around with it in a bid to utterly infuriate absolutely everyone who loves the films.

Well done George.

So while Lucas meddles, we fiddle. This means we started thinking about the hottest gals from the Star Wars films. When we kicked our measly brains into gear, it transpired that there aren’t too many girls in the Star Wars universe. So who with excite our spaceballs?

There’s a few lists knocking around looking at the fine ladies of the Star Wars universe, but to be honest, they’re all completely rubbish compared to this list.

That’s because we’ve got the nerve/complete lack of shame in fancying non-humans.

Yeah.

You heard.

There’s going to be alien folk in this list. It’s okay though. We’re not proper pervs because it’s only human women in costumes.

It’s not like fancying ET

…and the less said about that particular adult film the better… you’ve seen it too, right? Oh god, don’t go and search for it if not.

Seriously. Don’t.

Anyway, swiftly moving on, here’s our list of most smokin’ Star Wars babes. Start stroking your light sabres now.

Max Rebo Band Backing Dancers

Just imagine what these three gyrating knackpots could do for you after they’ve finished doing a turn for Max Rebo & Co. COR!

Queen Breha Antilles Organa

Regal women always get us hot under the collar. That’s why we flirt with Tories. They’re the dirtiest people on Earth. Christ knows how filthy an actual space queen is!

Oola

You remember Oola don’t you? She’s the one who works for Jabba and, if you’re well on the ball, you’ll know that one of her green boobies pops out of her costume in the film by accident. George Lucas has probably airbrushed that from history, but rest assured, you’ll be able to find it on the internet if you really want to see it.

Aayla Secura

She’s a Jedi fercryinoutloud. What more do you want?

Zam Wessell

Assassin shape-shifter (or something like that), Zam is good looking until you kill her. Then she turns into a horrible lizardy thing. What have we learned? Stay on her good side and don’t kill her.

Shaak Ti

Another Jedi Master. And look at her, all weird and smokin’ hot!

Stass Allie

Another fit Jedi Master. Sadly, her beauty was killed by the evil swine in the Clone Wars. Shame.

Twi’lek twins

These twins barely featured in the films, but were considered good-looking enough to appear on various promotional materials before Episode I came out. And yes, we fancy them even though they have weird ears and long fins of skin instead of a haircut.

Princess Leia

Leia at number 2?! Heresy! Especially given that Chewbacca totally fancies her as well, as the picture shows. Listen, sure she’s mean-ass with a gun and totally got off with Han Solo (the coolest man who ever lived who wasn’t a Beatle), but she’s just not as hot as…

Queen Amidala/Padme

Dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble dribble…

BONUS ROUND:

We have no idea who Dorme Parricida is, but we found her picture on some Star Wars wiki and… well… we rather like her.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or else we’ll kill you in your sleep or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER LOVED!

Star Wars, great as it is, is by no means perfect. There’s loads of mistakes in it which are really, quite unacceptable. How can you have a masterpiece with a Stormtrooper smacking his head against a beam?

And so, George Lucas is our saviour, here to iron out all these imperfections and make the film as good as it could be.

His latest move is to take a scene that’s bugged us for ages – the death of Emperor Palpatine – and make it vastly superior by getting Darth Vader to actually emote, rather than stand there like some useless work experience lump in a mobile phone shop.

Lucas has made many small improvements to the original Star Wars trilogy (and he’ll invariably do the same with episodes 1, 2 and 3 in the future also – hopefully ramping up Jar Jar Binks’ involvement to provide excellent comic relief from all that political rubbish).

Remember when he made Greedo shoot first? That was a vital change because, until that point, Han Solo looked like a bit of a racist. Sure, he can be a belligerent goon, but a cold-blooded racist murderer? No thanks.

And now, he’s added a little audio to the scene in Return of the Jedi where Darth Vader finally gets a heart and saves his son Luke from being killed by Palpatine.

This change will be seen in the upcoming Blu-ray collection of the films, and has Vader shouting “No! Noooo!” before he chucks the Emperor down a glowing shaft.

Lucas has also made the Ewoks blink, which is a blessing. Those horrible beady, lifeless eyes staring at you… brrr.

Of course, not everyone is happy with these improvements that Lucas is making. Comedian Paul Scheer wrote:

“If George Lucas continues to change Star Wars at this rate in the year 2028 it will just become Spaceballs.”

What’s wrong with Spaceballs? That’s great too! Fact is, George Lucas is making the changes to Star Wars that have always ruined it as a film. One day, he’ll get rid of all those segments which are wrong, leaving us with a pristine version of the greatest sci-fi franchise ever made.

Thanks George.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or else we’ll kill you in your sleep or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER LOVED!

George Lucas must have more dead horses on his Skywalker ranch than the stables after the Grand National.

How else could he keep flogging them?

Not content with ruining his own credibility with the Star Wars prequel trilogy and Indiana Jones vs the Aliens, Lucas has announced that he has 2 series worth of scripts ready for his new live action Star Wars TV show.

The new show is to be set between the end of Revenge of the Sith and the beginning of A New Hope, which will hopefully mean that it will average out and be somewhat tolerable to watch.

Rumour has it that the show is also to focus on minor characters within the Star Wars universe and not go anywhere near the pesky Skywalker clan and the acting gene that skipped a generation when it came to Anakin.

Do you remember that guy in the Cantina scene? You know the one, he was milling about in the background minding his own business and having a quiet drink before quietly slipping out without causing much of a disturbance to anyone?

Well, thanks to George Lucas, you’re now going to get to see his entire life story, IN HIGH DEFINITION!

The screen will sparkle as we see what lead him to Mos Eisley spaceport and how he found out about the Cantina and it’s delicious mix of beverages and death sticks.

Why is he drinking anyway? Is it to escape the stresses of his life? Maybe he lost some money on the pod races and was trying to find a loan shark before the Storm Troopers got to him and mistakenly believed that his droids were the ones they were looking for.

Well, thanks to the genius that is George Lucas, we’re about to find out!

Variety clearly is the spice of life.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

Movies. They’re daft enough as it is, right? All those lovies and thesps taking themselves immensely seriously while playing make-believe for huge sums of money. It’s all rather cute isn’t it?

Of course, when us humans aren’t watching films, we’re mocking them.

Thanks to the internet, we can mock them in front of millions of people. The best movies parodies are done with a modicum of heart and fondness and those nice people at Aero have asked us to compile a list of our favourite YouTube movie spoofs in exchange for the middle bits of the bubbles that they put in their chocolate.

We’re assuming that the inside of an Aero bubble is the most bestest and special part of the bar, but thus far, they’ve only sent an empty box to us.

Admin error presumably.

Anyway, you should get yourself over to the Aero Facebook page.

All manner of amazing fun to be had there while ignoring people setting up imaginary farms and the like.

And so, let us peek at some of the most fun parodies of movies. Of course, if you have a favourite, tell us about it in the comments. Unless you made one yourself. You can get lost.

TRANSFORMERS

Ah! Transformers! They’re robots in disguise you know? Well, unless you’re a pal’s little brother who thought it was “Robots in de skies”, making him sound like a dodgy Rastafarian. Anyway, what happened to (the coolest Transformer) Soundwave when things went lean for them all?

STAR WARS

There’s many, many Star Wars parodies online, and it is fair to say that all the best ones feature Darth Vader most heavily.

THUNDERCATS

Not so much a parody, but achingly cool. There’s a rumoured film knocking around Hollywood and the producers really ought to look at this for inspiration (as recent efforts leaked online sucked beyond belief).

DOWNFALL

Good ol’ Hitler! His hissy-fit in the film Downfall is one of the most lampooned clips in history. Here’s a novel take on one of his rants!

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

Imagine if the ghoulish activity in your house was nothing more than an annoying git.

STAR WARS

More Star Wars, this time, I really rather impressive light sabre fight between two gigantic dweebs. Kudos for the time they put in though.

YOGI BEAR

Boo Boo provides an alternative ending to the new Yogi flick.

SOCIAL NETWORK

A film about YouTube? You betcha!

WATCHMEN

With Charlie Sheen in the press constantly at the moment, here’s a timely spoof. We’ll just tell you that it is called Two And A Half Watchmen. Dumb fun.

BATMAN

Batman gets pwned.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

When Jar-Jar Binks ran roughshod over the dreams of a generation, few people realised that Star Wars creator George Lucas wasn’t just taking a massive CGI turd in the bedside slippers of their collective nostalgia.

He was also using him to send the  apocalyptic warning in the headline.

The neckless sci-fi titan apparently believes that the world will end in the year 2012. At least that’s according to, ahem, comedian/actor Seth Rogan.

Rogan, after a recent meeting with he-who-can-create-and-destroy-childhoods-at-the-click-of-his-fingers, told someone somewhere:

“George Lucas sits down and seriously proceeds to talk for around 25 minutes about how he thinks the world is going to end in the year 2012, like, for real. He thinks it.

“He’s going on about the tectonic plates and all the time Spielberg is, like, rolling his eyes, like: “My nerdy friend won’t shut up, I’m sorry…”

“I first thought he was joking… and then I totally realised he was serious and then I started thinking: “If you’re George Lucas and you actually think the world is going to end in a year, there’s no way you haven’t built a spaceship for yourself… So I asked him: “Can I have a seat on it?”

“He claimed he didn’t have a spaceship, but there’s no doubt there’s a Millennium Falcon in a garage somewhere with a pilot just waiting to go… It’s going to be him and Steven Spielberg and I’ll be blown up like the rest of us.”

Presumably Spielberg has a far more optimistic view of what will happen. Involving spacious surburban neighbourhoods that contain friendly aliens but are hopefully light on killer sharks.

Of course this could all be bullshit.

It’s quite likely that Seth Rogan, having made such a valiant effort to ruin the reputation of visual genius Michel Gondry with The Green Hornet, is on some kind of evil mission to discredit every director in Hollywood. Not that George Lucas really requires Rogan’s assistance, admittedly.

Let’s just hope that if George Lucas’s next project to ruin movie history- to master the technology to insert dead screen stars into new films- won’t be ready until 2013.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!

10. Crushingly lonely and need to hire a hipster girl? Here’s a thing! – HipsterEscorts

9. Hardy Bucks, one of the finest comedy shows to ever be shown online, has finally made the jump to TV. So Irish readers, look at the listings for RTE you lucky, lucky feckers.

8. Police reports surround the wilfully naughty driving of Mario Kart! – Dorkly

7. Hilarious bad spellings thanks to that cursed auto-correct – DamnYouAutoCorrect

6. Want to know how to get rid of a bad mood? Have an illustrated guide that may not be particularly practical in places. Includes turning your body inside-out. – Intent

5. Leaked naked Jessica Alba photos? Really? – Amy Grindhouse

4. Council baiting graffiti that is actually rather witty! – 9gag

3. Ace collection of pulp fiction covers! No, not the film, rather, mental and weird old book covers with giant otters and aliens! – Pulp Archive

2. Star Wars propaganda! – Here

1. Man changes face on plane? WHAT? Really? Really. – Bitterwallet

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group

Hecklerspray is still waiting for a Howard the Duck prequel, but alas, it never arrives. What has George Lucas got against a cigar smoking Anatidae? We want to see the story where Tim Robbins cries at his agent for casting him in such a terrible, terrible film!

Anyway, it’s obvious that Lucas wants to suck the marrow right out of the bones of Star Wars and do very little else.

And we’re not talking about the new 3D versions of the Star Wars films either. Yes indeed! We’re all faced with the terrifying prospect of brand new films which will probably look entirely at the back story of Jar Jar Binks.

George Lucas can’t help but meddle with the Star Wars story can he? He edited all the funny stuff out of the old films as well as putting a freakishly tiny Jabba in a new old scene, as well as softening the image of lovable wanker, Han Solo, by saying “Hey! Greedo shot first!”

And so, to make everyone a little excited, but mostly worried, there’s a lot of rumours flying around that Lucas is going to make another Star Wars trilogy.

The mutterings are saying that Lucas is planning an entirely new series of films, although nothing has been confirmed of course. He has to finish mucking about with new 3D technology first doesn’t he?

Quite who the stories will revolve around isn’t clear.

He could grab a new character from the vast Star Wars history (by which we mean, someone who hasn’t really featured in the films but stars in the myriad of books, comics and games out there) or, with any luck, take a gander at Han Solo’s past by showing him shooting people for a laugh and getting more sex than a rabbit with nice aftershave on.

The chances of that feel rather remote though, especially in light of the fact that Lucas is willing to have his old characters do all manner of tawdry shit.

Just look at the way C3PO and R2D2 are selling washing machines for Curry’s at the minute. Best not mention that dreadful Wookie Christmas special either.

Feel free to speculate in the comments.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group

Thank God for the entertainment industry. They keep making new formats to peddle old crap to us. The CD saw everyone buying albums they already owned on a perfectly good format and now, we’ve been given the dubious treat of 3D movies, so we can sit through things we’ve seen a million times already. BUT IN 3D!

And so, with crashing certainty, George Lucas looks like he’s going to be rereleasing the Star Wars back catalogue in new 3D conversions, kicking off in 2012. No word on whether he’s going to give Howard the Duck the same reverential treatment.

Of course, these 3D versions have been muttered about for ages, but it seems that Lucas is happy enough to go ahead with the project now that there will be enough screens available to make the reissues a sizable event.

The bad news in all this is that we’ll be getting the films in storyline order, which means that we’ll be expected to pay money to watch hideous camp Rastafarian newt, Jar Jar Binks in three disgusting dimensions in Episode I, The Phantom Menace.

Episode I will be out during early 2012 with each subsequent film getting released in order at the same time in consecutive years.

Of course, we can blame Avatar for all this. It’s all Avatar’s fault. James Cameron. Blame him. The git.

Hollywood Reporter reckon Lucasfilm are looking to use higher-end conversion houses to work on the franchise and, by the time they’re completed, theatres should have enough 3D screens to meet demand.

Ever the merchandiser, Lucas will no doubt be eyeing-up the home market as well, hoping to release the 3D versions of Star Wars to homes which, if things go according to George Lucas’ mind, will have enough 3D television sets to make him lots and lots of money indeed.

In the meantime, there’ll be a shit load of Blu-Ray releases which will no doubt be ignored for the most part and the stalling of a proposed TV show. As yet, there’s no rumours of George Lucas looking to make a decent film again, preferring to rest on his intergalactic laurels and twiddle his Wookie-esque beard while reading disparaging comments from Star Wars fanboys on various message-boards under the pseudonym Tattooweiner.

Honestly. Have a look for yourself. That’s the name he uses on all the boards.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group

What do you do if you’ve created Star Wars, made loads of money, disappointed everyone with Jar Jar Binks, tied up all the loose-ends of the Skywalker family and tried to forget all about Howard the Duck?

Well, if you’re George Lucas- which you’re not – you decide to make a Star Wars TV show…  no, not ’80s cartoon Droids or recent effort, Clone Wars, but a proper live-action thing with loads of CGI.

Lucas announced his intention to produce a programme set between the events of Revenge Of The Sith and A New Hope back in 2005. However, things aren’t quite going to plan.

The future of the project is now uncertain.

Lucas says:

“The live action TV show is kind of on hold because we have scripts, but we don’t know how to do them.”

Lucas, as ever, has a very big idea and concept behind the stories and naturally, budget restraints are making it difficult to realise what he has in that head of his.

“They literally are Star Wars, only we’re going to have to try to do them a tenth the cost.”

“It’s a huge challenge, a lot bigger than what we thought it was gonna be.”

Still, it isn’t all holding fire at Lucasfilm.

There’s great news that Seth Green and Matthew Senreich, who brought us Robot Chicken, are developing an animated Star Wars comedy with Lucasfilm.

If you haven’t seen the Robot Chicken Star Wars specials, take a gander here…

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter