So Benedict Cumberbatch is maybe going to be in the new Star Wars movie, which means I might actually have to go see it. Right now there are only rumors, and I’m inclined not to believe them only because it would be weird to cast the villain from Star Trek in a Star Wars movie. (Probably no more weird than the franchises having the same director though, so… yeah.)
But does anyone actually want more Star Wars movies to happen? From what I read in Simon Pegg’s book, plus pretty much all the reviews, the new ones were not that great or well-received.
If it IS true, I (along with probably everyone else in the world, or at least everyone on Tumblr) am all for it. If anyone can breathe new life into a dying franchise it’s Cumberbatch, fully supported by his vast army of Cumberbitches, and there’s a chance J.J. Abrams won’t totally fuck it up.
The current rumors don’t mention who Cumberbatch would be playing — we’re talking about sequels so it could be a familiar or brand-new character — but clearly the role calls for razor-sharp cheekbones. Perhaps it’s an alien who kills by cutting people up with its cheeks? Or by making them feel bad about how stupid they are? Maybe this quote from a Total Film interview will shed some light on things:
“I’ve already asked him if I can be a lightsaber and we’re in talks — about whirring sounds and the rates for the lights and everything.”
Get it? Shed some light? No? Okay, then let’s just take a moment and imagine naked Benedict Cumberbatch wearing a glowing neon condom and swinging his erection around while making “whirring sounds”.
Full disclosure: I think Cumberbatch is kind of weird-looking. His facial features are all pretty striking and look bizarre on one face. However, HAVE YOU HEARD HIM TALK? He’s like an English prince. He’s like Hugh Jackman in Kate & Leopold — I want him to sell me butter substitute. So all you directors and producers out there, feel free to put him in all the movies. And condiment commercials.