Master Saint Vitus Dance, Justin Bieber, is actually turning into the brat he always promised to. That’s good, as is means lots of snarky news stories for us. Anyway, Biebz is sniping at a paparazzi that he’s normally keen to court.

While in Israel, Bieber was snapped and pestered by photographers, which left him pounding the keyboard of his phone, whining and bitching on Twitter about it all.

And then he griped some more. And more. And more. And more, leaving the Israeli president not wanting to meet such a jumped-up little moanbag.

Bieber tweeted:

“amazing place…not a bad day. just wish got a little more space and privacy from the paps to enjoy this time with my family. Thanks”

Then he got more irritable:

“im in the holy land and i am grateful for that. I just want to have the same personal experience that others have here”

So you’d like to queue for ages with sweaty tourists, rather than the preferential treatment given to slebs?

“You would think paparazzi would have some respect in holy places. All I wanted was the chance to walk where jesus did here in isreal.”

Gah. Sounds like we’ve got a little Christian shitbox here, getting all gooey about a fairytale. If he’s thinking “What Would Jesus Do?”, chances are, it wouldn’t be flipping the bird at the paparazzo like he did a while back when trying to get to first base with girlfriend Selena Gomez.

“They should be ashamed of themselves. Take pictures of me eating but not in a place of prayer, ridiculous”

“People wait their whole lives for opportunities like this, why would they want to take that experience away from someone.”

Waaaah. Now, it would appear, Master Bieber is sulking in his room.

“u happy? i want to see this country and all the places ive dreamed of and whether its the paps or being pulled into politics its been frustrating.”

Meanwhile, Selena Gomez has been spotted hanging around with ex-boyrfriend Nick Jonas, who isn’t a big whiny bitch.

Not suffering the long Bieber face is the Prime Minister of Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu, who has allegedly cancelled his scheduled meeting with the singer after Justin is said to have “refused” to meet some of the country’s children. That’d be children who recently survived a horrible rocket attack in Gaza.

What a dreadful little monster Bieber is becoming.

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Lea Michele, you know, the gal from Glee that does the singing, is shallower than a reflecting pool and gets drinks thrown on her for larks, is a MASSIVE bitch… apparently.

Well, obviously Lea isn’t actually a massive bitch… as far as we know… we’re not really allowed to get too close to her, but that is what Hailee Steinfeld wants you to believe. Who is Hailee Steinfeld we hear you ask?

To be honest we don’t know, however, let it never be said that the hecklerspray team are not thorough. After a good 10 minutes of navigating Wikipedia we managed to conclude that she’s someone who stars in True Grit, which is a film, so good for her.

While Steinfeld was on the Paramount lot auditioning for the part that would eventually make her a household name, she spotted the Glee star milling about in the car park. Steinfeld went up to Michele and asked for her autograph, only to be told that, “it’s not a good time.”

OH SNAP! You got slammed gurl!

This humiliation was too much for the 14 year old to bear, she then burst into floods of tears and went to tell the internet all about the altercation.

You can understand why she was so upset about it, there she was, big break in the bag, starring alongside Matt Damon, probably skipping along on cloud 9 when she sees one of her idols walking in front of her. SCORE!

That sounds like a pretty perfect day for any young girl, but it wasn’t to be, her parade was firmly rained on by a jazz hand wielding killjoy. It’s heartbreaking… and a bit funny.

Maybe it’s best she learns now that sometimes celebrities are just not in the mood to sign autographs. Who knows, one day she might even get famous enough to snub others in some sort of weird circle of autograph snubbing, inspiring the next generation of young actors to get an over-inflated sense of self worth and hurt the feelings of a small child because their time is too precious to waste and their heroes never signed autographs for them!

DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE MICHELE!?! DO YOU!?

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Nadine Coyle, of Girls Aloud, hates Girls Aloud. It’s pretty obvious really. There’s nothing she dislikes more than the rest of her band. She even likes sucking the fat from an unclean grill more than her bandmates… and she really, really hates sucking old pork chop gunk.

This point is further underlined in red and highlighted in lurid Stabilo Boss pens when you look at who she’s inviting to her wedding.

As well you know, weddings are a minefield. You have to invite the boorish uncle and embarrassing, fighty boyfriend of your cousin, which means that there’s a very good chance your special day will have to include people you don’t like at all. If you’re Nadine Coyle, you won’t be inviting the rest of Girls Aloud because they’re scum or something.

The singer is planning her wedding which will take place next year. She’s getting married to someone called Jason Bell. And Coyle thinks so little of Cheryl, Kimberley, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich that she’d rather have Mel B at her bash than spend one second in the presence of the girls who helped to make her famous.

That’s nice isn’t it?

The June 15th ceremony will take place in New York and sadly for us, it means we won’t get the chance to write about Sarah Harding turning up bladdered with Bobby Gillespie… we won’t get chance to write about Nicola Roberts standing in a corner looking forlorn… we won;t be able to sneer at Cheryl Cole punching someone in the toilets and we certainly won’t be able to report on Kimberley Walsh looking really attractive.

A source says:

“Jason and Nadine picked her next birthday to host their wedding day and chose Manhattan as they had early dates here. It’s also where Jason first said, ‘I love you’. Mel B and, er, Lady Victoria Hervey will be guests but Nadine has chosen to freeze the rest of her group out in the light of recent tensions.

“She wanted nothing to distract from her special day. They’re planning a party in Ireland afterwards and will be honeymooning in Paris, so it’s going to be an extravaganza. She and Jason have also turned down a big deal from a glossy mag – Nadine considers it tacky.”

There’s been months (if not years) of tension between the girls, who clearly can’t be arsed with Nadine’s impression that she’s The Best Singer In The World! She isn’t. She’s not even the best singer in Girls Aloud, despite her constant threats of overblown histrionics.

This move is probably revenge on Cheryl Cole who had the audacity to not meet up with the Derry born singer when she was nearly dead from malaria. Really! How very dare she! You wouldn’t catch Nadine Coyle recuperating if she was laid-up with some stinkin’ disease.

Right?

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Shocking news shockingly emerged to shock the world when it was revealed Megan Fox brutally snubbed a fan offering her a rose the other day.

While most of the shock was reserved for the fan himself, who looked like the 80s had truly never ended, some people reserved their shockedness for the one in the tight jeans from Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

For you see, it is expected of movie stars to brave the crowds, to listen to their fans and to not (shockingly) ignore the offer of a yellow rose from someone who probably masturbates over pictures of you.

Shocker.

In true pansy-assed movie star fashion, Megan Fox did go on to apologise for the furore she caused and the shame she brought about on her biggest fan for the simple act of turning down his perennial flower shrub.

That’s his rose, by the way, and not any kind of witty euphemism.

And by “his rose” we mean ‘the flower he offered her’. You people have filthy minds.

Anyway, Foxy-Fox-Fox responded to one of her fans who she may have alienated during a promo interview with Collider for the new Michael “could of” Bay vehicle, putting things right by first saying:

“I did not know that was a child.”

Though she did go on to say more things that were nicer, even if it did look like she was dying a little inside by being forced to apologise for the mere fact that she hates odd-looking people and their stupid offers of shitty little flowers:

“I feel so sad for him. That’s so terrible. That kills me. There were, like, 80 million people everywhere. It’s dark, all I see are flashes. Everyone’s yelling different things and I didn’t know that was happening.”

Not content with shockingly (brutally) snubbing her biggest fan, it would appear Megan Fox now believes 80 million people show up to see her? Talk about ego…

Fox McCloud then managed to force these words out through some of the deadest eyes ever seen by man:

“If you know his name, I will send him a personal apology. I’m horrified. I would never do that. I’m sorry, sweet boy. I would never do that to you, and I would gladly accept your rose if I see you again.”

We’d wager ‘sweet boy’, as he is now known, is preparing an extra special rose just for the Foxy one with crap tattoos. Extra special.

Our biggest bucket of scorn for the day, however, has to be poured on the interviewer, who used the word “cyberspace”.

Shocking.

Here be the video.

When you invite William Shatner to your wedding, you only give yourself two possible outcomes.

The first outcome involves him trying to convince the big, white cake he really is a lawyer – and that he absolutely understands all the legal jargon and everything – for the complete duration of your first dance. The second possible outcome involves him crashing a life-size mock-up of the Starship Enterprise through the beautiful gazebo your grandfather lovingly finished building for you the day before his last heart attack.

We heard that last one he actually did to Leonard Nemoy. Seriously – there were tractor beam parts all over the roof, gutters, guest cars and lawn. This is why, we assume, Bill Shatner was not invited to Helmsman Sulu‘s big gay history-book wedding. Shatner doesn’t understand this though, and he seems kinda pissed about his lack of an invite.

Off the top of our heads we can think of three things Ringo Starr and William Shatner have in common. The first two have to do mostly with penile stripes and a shared love for cookies. The third one though, well the third one is the only one you really need to know about – they both seem to dislike people in whatever forms they may be encountered in.

Ringo, for instance, has the grump with his fans. He maybe even wishes they’d all throw themselves over the trembling ledge of a train station, if you catch our meaning. Shatner likes his fans enough, apparently, but only if he’s never worked with any of them ever in his whole life. This includes the shop keep who hired a young Billy Shatner to restock his scarce food shelves during the height of the great depression.

Imagine the darkness of heart that could dislike someone who helped feed your family during such a tumultuous time. Unthinkable!

Untrue too!

Shatner does think his old coworker George Takei has a beef with him though. According to Bill, Takei refused to allow Shatner within 100 yards of anyplace he ever planned to marry, and even tried to get him deported for the entire duration of the honeymoon. That or the captain was just pissed for not getting an invite. Whatever. Here’s a Kirk-quote:

“The whole thing makes me feel badly. Poor man. There is such a sickness there. It’s so patently obvious that there is a psychosis there. I don’t know what his original thing about me was. I have no idea.”

We peeled that quote out of a video Shatner posted on his own website. The whole thing doesn’t end with Shatner’s hurt feelings though – Takei has a retort:

“It is unfortunate that Bill was unable to join us for our wedding as he indeed was invited to attend. It is our hope that at this point he joins us in voting no on Proposition 8, which seeks to [absorb all of Texas into California, and then turn the whole thing into a giant movie studio with tremendous tax breaks.]“

We lost the last part of the quote there, but we know Hollywood types, and feel pretty secure in our assumption of how that stupid speech probably ended. We also feel secure in our knowledge of geography.

Now get down there and watch Shatner’s weird rant:

Nelson Mandela is probably the closest thing to a living saint we've got – he's so kindly and warm, like Santa Claus, the Werther's Original grandpa and Ronald McDonald all rolled into one.

Nelson Mandela has got nothing but pure undiluted joy for every single person in the whole wide world – or at least he would have, if Naomi Campbell wasn't such a massive angry bitch all the time.

There's a big concert being held in Hyde Park for Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday tomorrow, and Naomi Campbell was on call to introduce some of the acts. However, since her recent air rage conviction it's been reported that Nelson Mandela himself has personally intervened to remove Naomi Campbell from proceedings. Hopefully there's still time to replace Naomi with a friendlier celebrity – perhaps Amy Winehouse's husband or the ghost of Saparmurat Niyazov or something.

Hey, ever wondered what it'd take to turn Nelson Mandela into a dick? So have we – the man seems so benevolent and wise and compassionate that he's even managed to spend considerable lengths of time with Geri Halliwell without trying to smack her head off with the back of a shovel just to shut her up. He's an unflappable superman.

But what presses Nelson Mandela's buttons? Would he lose his shit if you kept poking him in the eye with a detached animal penis? Probably not. If you kept filling his shoes with gravel every time he turned his back? Again, probably not. If you sat three feet away from him playing the accordion as loudly as possible when he was trying to discuss ways to counter the spread of AIDS in Africa? No chance.

If you were arrested for furiously spitting at policemen on an aeroplane just because a bag with some of your stuff in it has gone missing? That's more like it. Nelson Mandela hates it when people do that. He hates it enough to personally intervene and publicly humiliate anyone who does it by uninviting them to his birthday party. 

And since Naomi Campbell is the only person on Earth who's done that lately, she's copped the full brunt of Mandela's grumpiness. Apparently Naomi Campbell was going to be used to introduce acts at Nelson Mandela's big birthday concert in Hyde Park tomorrow, but since she made such an arse of herself on the plane – and subsequently when she claimed she was just reacting to racism – she's apparently been told that her services are no longer required. The Press Association reports:

A source close to the concert said: "People were disappointed by what happened – in the past she had spoken to Mandela about her anger. It's not the behaviour of a charity ambassador. Mandela would have had a say. It's fair to say he was behind the decision. There's an aspect of him being upset by the whole situation."

What's probably most hurtful to Nelson Mandela is the fact that when Naomi Campbell was lashing out like a berserko fruitcake on the plane, she was wearing a baseball cap promoting Mandela's charity 46664. Attacking the police in a charity baseball cap never goes down particularly well, but we assumed that Naomi Campbell would have got away with it – surely most people assumed that 46664 was just a running total of servants who Naomi Campbell had punched in the face so far that week.

Anyway, full credit to Nelson Mandela for standing up to Naomi Campbell so bravely. His courage knows no bounds – because, honestly, 18 years in prison on an island is going to seem like nothing once Naomi Campbell hears about this snub and dedicates the rest of her life to trying to push a smartphone through one of his eye sockets.

Since this year's Oscars were made of about 85% retrospective clips, it meant that viewers were forced to watch every last self-congratulatory moment from Oscar history on Sunday. 

Except one – thanks to a heartbreaking oversight, Vassilis Fotopoulos' speech after winning the Best Art Direction Oscar for Zorba The Greek in 1964 was cruelly omitted from the proceedings.

Oh, and everything Whoopi Goldberg ever did. Despite winning an Oscar – and being the Oscars host on four separate occasions between 1994 and 2001 – there was no sign of Whoopi Goldberg anywhere in all the endless montages on Sunday. And that made Whoopi Goldberg cry. On TV. Video after the jump.

Jon Stewart had better watch out, otherwise he'll fall prey to the Curse Of The Oscar Host. It's a curse you may not have heard of, mainly because we've just invented it, but it's still true. It involves people who have hosted the Oscars becoming uncontrollable emotional wrecks about shit that nobody cares about on television. It started when 2007 Oscars host Ellen DeGeneres wailed about a puppy on her TV show, and now it's continuing with four-time Oscar host Whoopi Goldberg.

You see, thanks to the writers' strike, Sunday's Oscar show was brimming with the kind of dreary nostalgic clip montages that bore the life out of you if you're young and falsely reinforce the idea that things were better in the past if you're young. On and on they went – there's Cuba Gooding Jr, there's David Letterman, there's Celine Dion, there's fucking Snow White singing a bastardised duet of Proud Mary with titting Rob Lowe for christ's sake – and yet nobody thought to include any Whoopi Goldberg.

And on The View yesterday, Whoopi Goldberg had tears in her eyes thanks to the upset that goes along with being ignored by a tedious clip package in an over-long, obscenely smug awards ceremony. Look, here's the video…

Ridiculous, isn't it? After all, we didn't see any Xena Warrior Princess in any of the Oscar montages, and we doubt she's particularly cut up about it.

Then again, as the women on The View pointed out, Whoopi Goldberg was only the second black woman to win an Oscar and the first woman to host the Oscars at all, which does make her slightly significant. Maybe the clip researchers should have double-checked their list to make sure they weren't leaving anyone important out.

Or maybe – just maybe – the only person in the entire world who even slightly cares about any of this is Whoopi Goldberg, and everyone else is happy that she was left out of all the montages because it made the Oscars five or six seconds shorter than they otherwise would have been.

Still, though, Whoopi Goldberg's tearful reaction to the snub just shines a light on the difference between her and her predecessor on The View. Because if Rosie O'Donnell had hosted the Oscars and missed out on a montage clip, the Kodak Theatre would be a mess of rubble, steel and fragments of Jack Nicholson's skull by now.

Read more:

Whoopi Goldberg Chokes Up Over Oscar Montage – People