We’ve seen Scarlett Johansson’s boobs and bum after some clever-dick managed to breach her internet security and show the world her wares, or rather, the way she gives the people she’s boning and lob-on.

And for the most part, jealous woman spat ‘Well, they weren’t THAT good’.

But there’s more to Scarlett than all that. She’s brave. She refused to wear make-up in We Bought a Zoo, whatever the fresh shit that is! However, when she’s at home, she ain’t no slob. You won’t find her eating Variety Packs straight from the box in her stained tracksuit pants watching Cheaters. No way.

Talking to some idiots who asked some dumb question, she said:

“I always like to put a little bit of makeup on.”

“I’m not the kind of person that just slops around in sweatpants. I like to feel a little more together—you never know who you’re going to see out there!”

Sean Penn maybe? You gotta look half-decent if you’re going to hump his back like a randy poodle on a cushion, right?

“My absolute must-have is a really rich and vibrant red lipstick.”

“I always keep red lipstick in my bag because I never know when I might show up to an event and be completely underdressed. I feel like red lipstick is the cure-all for everything.”

Apart from the faux-outrage at leaked nude photographs, natch. Not only does she like red lippy, but she likes smearing honey all over her face like she’s some kind of mad bear.

Heard of a honey facial?

“I use Manuka honey. You just warm your face so that your pores are open (you can steam your face right after getting out of the shower), and then you just take a spoon and apply the honey directly to your face and leave it for 10 to 15 minutes.”

“It really adds an amazing glow and your skin is so soft afterwards. It pulls out the impurities.”

Please, dear hecklerspray reader, if you’re stupid enough to try and spread honey all over your face, please send us a photograph of yourself during the procedure.

Hopefully someone with throw a pillow’s worth of feathers at you too.

When Sean Penn’s not being pestered by Scarlett Johansson on the rebound, he’s being all philanthropic and all that jive. Of course, having a political persuasion means you’ll rub some people up the wrong way and they shout at you.

Mercifully for Sean Penn, he’s a grade-a bitch. He has put-downs that could almost match the output of a drag queen convention.

And who found this out at their cost? Why, if it wasn’t a co-star of his who accused Penn of being a Communist. What fun!

You may or may not know or care, but Penn is a big supporter of Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. He’s a red. And an old co-star of Sean’s, called Maria Conchita Alonso, took an opportunity to shoot her mouth off at the actor when she bumped into him at LAX.

Conchita, recounts the incident, said:

I said, ‘I would like to talk to you.’ He said, ‘Oh, it’s you. I have nothing to say to you. You speak badly about me.’ I said, ‘No, I don’t. I just say the truth. That you are a friend of Chavez and that he’s a good man. And that’s a lie. How can you do that?’

He said, ‘You are a pig!’ So I said, ‘And you are a Communist asshole!’

I was so angry and I had all this built inside me for so many years, and he calls me a pig. I just exploded. My mother was so happy, she wanted to clap.

Imagine that. Calling someone a crude name and your mother welling up with pride as she stands beside you. Something that hecklerspray is still waiting on.

Penn’s retort?

I only knew that a hostile woman was nonsensically berating me. I didn’t realize it was that actress. I think I worked with her once. But she looks really different. She was uninformed and impolite to all the other passengers.

If you’re wondering – which you’re not – Alonso and Penn starred in Colors together.

Boobs. Now we’ve got that out of the way, let us look at the rest of Scarlett Johansson’s tawdry existence on this wretched, awful speck of dust we call Earth as it revolves its tired way around this cold, unyielding solar system of ours.

Joy! Showbiz joy at that!

Anyway, now ScarJo has stopped dry-humping Sean Penn’s alleged leg, she be prowlin’ for another fancy mate. And remarkably, she’s chosen British musician Dan White, leaving us to assume that Dan White must be in a band with a very canny PR company working behind him or, indeed, Johansson has a penchant for derivative, tuneless indie schmindie.

Apparently, Scarlett met the guitarist from absolute unknowns, the Tribes, when she was shooting in London recently. No, she didn’t go ‘Falling Down’ on us – ‘shooting’ is slang for ‘making some stupid film or other’.

Not only did Johansson meet the guitarist – who knows G, Em, C AND D chords – but she also became gigantically smitten with him. They are, according to a source (PR company for the Tribes or whatever) determined to make their long distance relationship work.

A source told the Sunday Mirror:

‘They met in London recently. Scarlett was shooting the film Under The Skin in the UK and they were introduced at a club night in town.

‘They got on like a house on fire and Scarlett was into his band’s music. There was an instant connection. They’ve been seeing each other for a good few weeks. Dan’s proper happy about it- and what guy wouldn’t be? He already thinks the world of Scarlett.

‘Dan thinks she’s an amazing girl. They both have incredibly busy lives but are going to see where things go. Dan’s band Tribes is only just taking off and Scarlett has a lot of work on. So who knows?’

A ‘source’ there, trying to convince us that Dan from the Tribes has an ‘incredibly busy life’. What do they take us for? FOOLS, THAT’S WHAT.

Anyway, you’ll no doubt be wondering what the Tribes sound like, so here’s the presumably large membered Dan from the Tribes churning out the usual turgid, pedestrian indie rock cobblers in a video that is desperate to make them look cool.

All musicians are pricks. Just remember that.

Hey! You probably don’t remember this, but a while ago, Scarlett Johansson got her emails hacked and some nudey photos of her ended up online and a couple of people got to see her bottom and busters.

It probably didn’t seem like much of a big deal to you and you certainly wouldn’t have kept looking at the photos over and over again and, it goes without saying, that there is NO WAY you hoped more explicit shots ended up online… but to ScarJo, she was rather upset.

She cried so hard that the FBI came to help her wipe her tears and BINGO BANGO some chap got arrested, potentially leaving us with intentional photo leaks, which just aren’t as romantic are they?

Scarlett has only really talked about her marriage to Ryan Reynolds’ big stupid head in the press since then, but now, she’s all chat.

Appearing on The Late Show With David Letterman, Johansson described the leak of the pictures as “creepy”.

She said:

“Somebody stole my nudey photos and they were out there for all the world to see. Which was unfortunate really. It was quite shocking, it was extremely creepy… My password was constantly changing for months and months. And I kept thinking, ‘Why is my password changing?’”

Then, not realising how devastatingly handsome some people who work online are, she added:

“This guy was sitting there constantly, every 20 seconds, all pasty and pervy and weird. That’s the creepiest thing really.”

See, Johansson doesn’t feel the need to have any social networks on the go:

“I don’t have a Facebook or a Twitter account, and I don’t know how I feel about this idea of, ‘Now I’m eating dinner, and I want everyone to know that I’m having dinner at this time’. Or ‘I just mailed a letter and dropped off my kids’. That to me is a very strange phenomenon.

“I can’t think of anything I’d rather do less than have to continuously share details of my everyday life. I’m always surprised that certain actors have Twitter accounts.”

Maybe its because some are actually interesting people away from their work AND want to feel more approachable to us plebs, rather than hiding behind a velvet rope trying to shag Sean Penn’s leg?

No wonder everyone was so keen to see her leaked snaps, eh? Anyway, here is a video of her talking to Letterman and yes, her hair looks ridiculous. Gary Oldman would’ve been proud to sport that when he played Dracula.

You may find this hard to believe but the hecklerspray staff are hideous. It’s true. We’re not a pretty bunch of misanthropes. We’re so ugly in fact, that none of us are able to get a date with anyone who has at least one functioning eye and if we were ever forced to mate with each other, our offspring would look like Michael Berryman, but much shorter and with considerably more hair.

So when we hear about beautiful people who are touching the bottoms of other beautiful people, it makes us terribly unhappy and we feel the need to make fun of them for your amusement, safe in the knowledge that we’ve made fun of ourselves first before you can respond with something annoyingly lame and probably in text speak.

Let’s do this.

Horribly attractive stars Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds have been spotted in public, walking around with hats and sunglasses on and drinking coffee which obviously means they are engaging in really dull, caffeine fueled sex sessions at bedtime, probably keeping their shades on so even they don’t recognise each other.

Blake who has been in Gossip Girl for 47 years has been dating Reynolds (former husband of Boobs Johansson)  for the past few weeks and even though he’s dated at least 786 women, we’re convinced that THIS IS THE ONE!!!

According to reports, the pair were spotted cuddling and giggling in NYC and were even poking each other in a booth during brunch and we’re now so busy thinking of fingering jokes, that we don’t care what else they did during their trip.

They probably put on balaclavas and looked at some art.

Former wife, Scarlett, who recently said that her marriage to Reynolds was ‘the best thing I ever did‘ isn’t very happy about this, despite the fact she was jumping Sean Penn every 17 seconds, in between doing really terrible perfume adverts.

A US Weekly mischief maker claimed:

‘Scarlett is pissed that he’s not under her spell anymore.’

‘Ryan would have gotten back with her. He was so totally in love, but then she flaunted Sean right after their split, and he was done.’

ISN’T THAT SAD??

No. It isn’t. Dry your eyes.

Scarlett Johansson’s boobs. She showed them off to us by accident didn’t she? That’s probably the thing she’ll be remembered for when she dies. Boobs, oh and she did some films. Better to be remembered for titties than forgotten entirely, right?

Either way, we’re not here to talk about breasts all day. We’re talking marriage. Pull up a seat. Let’s get deep.

See, Scarlett is under the assumption that marrying Ryan Reynolds was one of the best decisions she ever made. She split with him after two years and made one of the most annoying perfume adverts in history. But it was still totally the best thing she ever did. Ryan Reynolds. Think about that.

Nothing good comes out of Ryan Reynolds. Literally. It’s all waste products, humid air and nincompoopery. He’s a dithering sack of shit with a granite hard torso and 14 inch skull.

Still, Johansson claims marrying the star of the ‘Green Lantern’ was the best thing she ever, ever did. Much better than the time she got with Sean Penn by sheer persistence.

She said:

“It was the best thing I ever did. I’m a big believer that when something feels right, you should do it.”

“I’m a big believer in instinct. Getting married was the right thing to do because it was natural. It grew out of romance and love and a desire to have a future with somebody, and I was very fortunate that I married somebody who turned out to be the person I thought he would be.”

So, how does one celebrate the love of the union of marriage? Why, you don’t spend any time together and, in the case of Scarlett, she wasn’t prepared to do the work necessary to keep their romance alive!

HURRAY!

Speaking to Cosmopolitan magazine, she said:

“Relationships are complicated. Being married is a living, breathing process. I think I was not fully aware of the peaks and the valleys. I wasn’t prepared to hunker down and do the work. Both of us were extremely busy. We spent so much time apart. It’s very difficult.”

Of course, marriage is a stupid, dangerous drug for those fearful of their own company, and hecklerspray advises that you don’t even try it. You saw Charlie Sheen when he was out of his mind on expensive drugs? Marriage turns you into a bigger dillweed than that!

Seriously. Go watch Bridezillas and hark at the endless identical baby pictures currently littering your Facebook feed.

Just. Say. No (preferably at the altar for maximum impact).

A film version of Les Miserables is afoot and everyone wants in because it really is exactly the kind of overwrought, bust-heaving weariness that gets you an Oscar nomination. And the thesps are circling like vultures!

Scarlett Johansson, Taylor Swift and Lea Michele (the main girl from Glee) are all competing with each other so they can land the coveted role in the upcoming Les Mis movie.

If any brake cables get cut in some terrible ‘accident’, you’ll know exactly who to blame. Right? There’s already a superstar cast signed up for this film too.

Tom Hooper’s big screen adaptation has a cast including Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe, Anne Hathaway, Geoffrey Rush and Helena Bonham Carter.

Helena Bonham Carter was always going to be on-board for this wasn’t she? We’re just waiting for Kenneth Branagh to get the nod and we’ll have a period-drama full-house!

However, all the rumours surround the lucky lass who will land the role of Eponine.

Apparently, Taylor Swift has already auditioned for the part. NO EXPERIENCE YOU SAY? You’ve obviously never seen the film Valentine’s Day! In that, Swift plays a one-legged smack-addict who enters the brutal world of snuff movies as she tries to raise money for her blind child’s lung operation.

Possibly.

Glee star Michele has also tried out, of course, having previous with Les Mis as she made her Broadway debut in the show in ’95.

Meanwhile, Scarlett Johansson wants us all to forget her boobies and take her seriously as an actress again JUST LIKE WE ALL USED TO TAKE HER REALLY SERIOUSLY, HONEST.

Hey! Hollywood! Well done! You’ve done well by pointing out that some actresses are much prettier than others. Bless you for that. We really didn’t know who to approach the whole thing and you went and said.

Just like that. You just came right out and spoke without a care in the world.

Basically, you went and said that Scarlett Johansson was far too beautiful to play the role of Lisbeth Salander in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo films. The girl playing her now? She must be thrilled and all set to burn those self-shot pictures she was going to leak all by herself, now that hacker is in prison.

David Fincher, talking to Vogue, begged for pity when describing the difficult casting process for Salander, and how girls were flown in from across the globe for the part.

How awful. It’s like working in a flooded mine.

He said Johansson was “great,” but alas:

“The thing with Scarlett is, you can’t wait for her to take her clothes off.”

Would you look at that statement. He just opened his mouth and out it came. Scarlett, you’re great and all, but just shut up and show us your boobs.

Fincher elaborated:

“I keep trying to explain this. Salander should be like E.T. If you put E.T. dolls out before anyone had seen the movie, they would say, ‘What is this little squishy thing?’ Well, you know what? When he hides under the table and he grabs the Reese’s Pieces, you love him! It has to be like that.”

And so, Rooney Mara is the lucky gal who Fincher wants to keep her clothes well and truly on because he fancies Johansson more and that she reminds him of a red-fingered alien.

Brilliant.

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Isn’t it great to see a superstar in an unguarded moment. They only let us see what they want us to see or generally portray themselves as something other than the real them entirely. Just like everyone, really.

However, these people are famous and more attractive and generally nicer to gawp at than Flubbo down the street with his roll-ups, carrier bags and back boobs.

And so, Florida’s Chris Chaney lightened up our days by hacking into celebrity email accounts and stealing naked pictures that they’d taken of themselves (to share with other people because, and this is nice to know, they’re all just as sexually needy as we, the people, and still need to impress people with self-shot nudey snaps) and giving them to us. And now he’d like to say sorry.

Jacksonville’s Chaney was arrested and charged on Wednesday following a year-long FBI investigation in the amusingly named Operation Hackerazzi.

The images he found, some ended up on our monitors. You’ll remember the nudes of Scarlett Johansson and the kinda nudes of Christina Aguilera. Of course, we’re more interested in the ones that he didn’t leak. Yet. Come on Chano! You must’ve left the snaps with some other ne’er-do-well who wants to leak them?

Chaney faces 26 separate charges of accessing and damaging computers, identity theft and wiretapping which could result in 121 years in prison if found guilty on all charges.

Phew. All that for some boobs.

He admitted his guilt to journalists in Florida, saying:

“It started as curiosity and it turned into just being addicted to seeing behind the scenes of the lives of the people you see on the big screen every day.”

Chaney didn’t want to blackmail any slebs, nor indeed did he sell his pictures. He simply liked doing it. He liked making celebrities miserable (while simultaneously sending their profiles into the stratosphere) and us dribbling fools happy with n00dz.

“I deeply apologise. I know what I did was probably one of the worst invasions of privacy… I know it was wrong and have to face it and go forward.”

Mr Chaney allegedly used several online aliases, including “anonygrrl” and “jaxjaguars911″ which you should now go and stick into Google to see what comes up. Or indeed, try and hack his emails, as it must be an absolute goldmine!

Okay? Good.

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Remember when we all saw Scarlett Johansson naked? Remember? And the internet melted? That was a fun time wasn’t it? Of course, we broke the story before anyone else and no-one noticed and we’re totally not bitter about it. At all. Nope. We don’t keep going over it in our head.

We’ll murder someone for this.

Anyway, friend of hecklerspray, Christopher Chaney from Jacksonville Florida, has been arrested as part of a year long investigation of celebrity hacking called Operation Hackerazzi. Great name for an operation. We would’ve called it Operation Celebritits. Either way, arrests have been made! WAHOO! AND IT WASN’T US GETTING CUFFED!

Naturally, we weren’t arrested because we don’t know the first thing about hacking. In fact, we barely know how to work our Nokia phones. We’ve heard there’s this game called ‘Snake’ on it which is really cool.

Alas, it seems Chaney does and he’s been accused of 26 counts of identity theft, unauthorised access to a protected computer and wiretapping.

While that all sounds incredibly thrilling (wiretapping? Come on! That’s Soviet spy business!), Chaney will be gulping away, looking down the barrel of a not-so-hilarious 121 years in prison.

And all because he wanted to share the glory of the naked human form with us all.

Authorities said Chaney was responsible for stealing nude photos taken by actress Scarlett Johansson of herself and that, he had more than 50 victims, which include Mila Kunis and Renee Olstead as well as singer Christina Aguilera.

Sorry ladies and gay men. No news on Justin Timberlake nudes as yet.

The Feds say that those named agreed to have their identities made public while others in the indictment were named only by their initials. We haven’t seen their initials as yet. When we do, we’ll speculate like mad.

He is accused of offering some material to celebrity blog sites but there is no evidence that he profited from his scheme, according to Steven Martinez, assistant director in charge of the FBI’s Los Angeles office.

Yo! Chaney! Hit us up with some more pictures!

PWEEEASE.

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Do you want to see leaked (by us) naked photosets of the hecklerspray writers? Of course you don’t. Collectively, we look like the melted waxwork tit of a gentleman pensioner. Firm, young, attractive celebrities are a different matter of course!

So when Scarlett Johansson accidentally ended up showing everyone more than intended, everyone exploded with excitement for three seconds before realising that seeing an actress in a state of undress isn’t at all peculiar.

Maybe it was catching her in a candid moment, naked as herself rather than a character, that got people wanting to ogle. Either way, she wasn’t happy and now, for the first time, she’s talking about it all. With her boobs out.

The FBI are apparently investigating claims of computer hacking, following the leaking of naked photos of various famous people. They talked to Team Spray, but no action will be taken against us because, after 30 seconds of talking to us, they realised we can barely work our own legs, let alone the technology needed to hack into someone’s phone or emails.

In an interview with CNN, Johansson said:

“Just because you’re an actor… doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to your own personal privacy”

“If that is sieged in some way, it feels unjust. It feels wrong”

But CNN wasn’t listening properly. They were thinking about Scarlett’s boobies and bum-bum.

She continued:

“I think there are certain instances where you give a lot of yourself and finally you have to kind of put your foot down’.”

Naked boob shaped feet, preferably.

Of course, now that we’ve seen Johansson in a state of nudlery, we’ve all moved on. She can feel as invaded as she likes because all eyes are now on Justin Timberlake and his Friends With Benefits co-star Mila Kunis.

Apparently there’s naked pictures of those two about to drop and… well… that’s a treat for everyone with working eyeballs.

Unless of course you’re an Irish farmer who HATES nudity.

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There’s nothing weirder than finding people who are so obsessed with something that they’re willing to go to any length of internet-based conflict in order to defend their nonsensical beliefs. It is a trait most often seen in fans of Muse, Twilight, INXS, Queen and, quite inexplicably, Larry David. There are few things that hecklerspray writers love more than these people. The ‘whine’ of fans.

And so we come to our weekly perusal of our post, the time that- for us- is the closest we’ll ever come to having sex with Ann Widdicombe. We approach the post bag with a mixture of terror and morbid curiosity with only a modicum of sexual excitement, we reach out our shaking, clammy paws.

Find out what becomes of us over the jump…

Remember to click that HD button…

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Filth. Absolute filth. That’s what today’s celebrities are. You wouldn’t get old, classy celebrities like Marilyn Monroe posing naked for photographs would you? Certainly not. She had self-respect.

However, thanks to the wonderful technological advances of mobile phones and those cameras they’ve got built into them, we are now a planet of people capturing their nether-regions and sending them to other humans.

Celebs are no different… apart from the small fact that people want to hack into their phones and share them with the world. So which leaked celebrity n00dz are the best? Click over the jump where it is astonishingly NSFW.

You can’t move for naked celebrities, leaked or otherwise. The advent of the sex tape has added a whole other element to the voyeuristic nature of watching the lives of famous people.

For the first time, it feels like we can peer behind their bedroom doors and watch them at it. Even Sally from Home And Away has been caught out bumping uglies on a very noisy waterbed.

However, we need to place some kind of arbitrary importance on these photographs because, lets face it, some people get private images leaked and after we’ve stopped gawping at their flesh, we wonder who the hell they are.

And so, here are the 12 most ‘important’ or ‘best’ leaked celebrity photos.

And no, thanks to the British law, we haven’t included Dappy from N Dubz, although if you want to look at his long, thin member, we’re pretty sure you can find it online easily enough.

Renee Olstead

You may not have heard of Renee Olstead, but she’s a singer and actress. She makes this list because she’s the first celebrity to actually put a little effort into her nudey snaps. Leaked last March, Olstead went from being a kinda-nobody to a woman who everyone admired, albeit briefly. You can see her VERY NSFW snaps here.

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton had her phone hacked and pretty much invented the notion of a sleb becoming famous on the back of leaked photos… and of course, videos.

Ke$ha

Possibly the first time in history when pictures leaked of a celebrity and everyone actively wished they hadn’t seen them. Ke$ha appeared covered in someone’s love-gravy and everyone felt a little nauseous.

Hayley Williams

There’s something about rappers, RnB and pop singers that make you assume they’re dirty swine. However, delicate emo flowers like Paramore singer Hayley Williams was a little more surprising when she “accidentally tweeted” her boobies to everyone.

Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera went from being unattainably famous to a National Anthem forgetting, nude drunk in the space of a week. Here’s one of the leaked pictures.

Vanessa Hudgens

Vanessa Hudgens, star of High School Musical, became the classic ‘teen star’ who was sullied by having a life outside the squeaky-clean bubble of Disney. There’s a naked video floating around which allegedly features Hudgens too. Happy hunting.

Chris Brown

Chris Brown is one of the few celebrities who was reportedly unfazed by the leaking of naked photos of him. This is either because he’s got a big appendage or he’s unable to form a sense of shame, as shown when he continually forgot to show remorse for smacking Rihanna in the face.

Rihanna

Speaking of Rihanna, she had naked photographs leaked too. Did they contribute to the incident with Chris Brown? Rumours suggest as such, not that you lot care.

Kanye West

Apparently, Kanye was always sending pictures of himself to the ladies before he became gigantically famous. And here he is, showing of his Monster.

Miley Cyrus

Miley was only of interest to pre-teens, but then, after the leaking of some pictures, she transformed into an actual celebrity. Sure, no-one really knows what she does anymore, but these pictures helped to propel her career onward, rather than sideways. Daft pout though.

Ashely Greene

You know Ashley Greene right? She’s in the Twilight films. In 2009, we all ended up seeing more of her than she probably imagined.

Scarlett Johansson

The most famous of the lot, Scarlett Johansson managed to melt the entire internet when her boobies broke free. Jessica Alba must be absolutely thrilled because there was a vague hint of self-shot nudity dithering around the web, but ScarJo completely obliterate her and got hecklerspray lots and lots of traffic. Thanks.

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Despite looking like an Eagle-Eye Action Man, Justin Timberlake is a very fancied man. This is because he’s rich, can sing, dance and… crucially… has a self-deprecating sense of humour. Oh, swoon. If only he’d grow his Pot Noodle hair out again.

Mila Kunis meanwhile, is just really fit and went down on Natalie Portman in Black Swan, keeping your underpant botherers in mucky daydreams for a lifetime.

However, the most exciting thing concerning this pair is the news that some nudes have been leaked a la Scarlett Johansson. Wanna know more? Course you do.

It’s believed that there’s a whole host of naked celeb photos out there with a ‘ring’ of people hacking into phones and email addresses, willing to share them with the world for seemingly no financial gain (you’d blackmail them wouldn’t you?).

And there was news that Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis were next on the hit list.

It’s been suggested via numerous sources that Timberlake sent Kunis a naked picture of himself, stood on a bed with – remarkably – a pair of Kunis’ pink knickers on his head.

Sadly, reps have said that claims are ‘entirely false’. It still won’t get that image out of your head though will it?

A statement says:

“At no time did Mr. Timberlake and Ms. Kunis exchange inappropriate texts or emails. The insistence that there is any inappropriate correspondence between the two parties is entirely false.”

The statement also stresses out that one of the images, claimed to be taken from Kunis’ phone…

“was in fact not from any phone but from an inactive email account that has not existed in three years. In regards to the other photos in question, they were never exchanged between the two parties.”

Wait. So there IS naked photos floating around then, right?

The reps continued:

“In closing, Mr. Timberlake would like us to make it clear that while he might write songs about putting things in boxes, he never has and definitely doesn’t make a habit of taking any photos of them and sending them.

“Ms. Kunis would like us to add that while she is a fan of the song, she does not have nor has ever had photos of any male parts in her possession.”

We’ll obviously have to sort that out immediately. We can’t have Mila Kunis living in this world without some disappointing penis photographs.

We’ll get on it right away.

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Every week, we have the unfortunate task of picking our way through your crusted correspondence to find the most depraved, hideous scrawlings to put on the site for everyone to laugh at. This week, it was a little bit easier as our drooling mass of a readership left a slug trail right to some of the most sexually-charged content that has ever deposited itself in our post bag thanks to a certain Ms. Scarlett Johansson.

Yes, everyone’s favourite bombshell had her phone hacked as hecklerspray brought the curious masses a skin-exclusive and everyone wanted to get in touch to reveal their masturbatory habits. There’s also veiled threats from Kasabian’s representatives, a singing Michael Jackson and a screaming INXS nutter, all with Editor Mof just over the jump.

Remember to click ‘HD’ to see Mof in all his terrifying glory.

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