Boobs. Now we’ve got that out of the way, let us look at the rest of Scarlett Johansson’s tawdry existence on this wretched, awful speck of dust we call Earth as it revolves its tired way around this cold, unyielding solar system of ours.
Joy! Showbiz joy at that!
Anyway, now ScarJo has stopped dry-humping Sean Penn’s alleged leg, she be prowlin’ for another fancy mate. And remarkably, she’s chosen British musician Dan White, leaving us to assume that Dan White must be in a band with a very canny PR company working behind him or, indeed, Johansson has a penchant for derivative, tuneless indie schmindie.
Apparently, Scarlett met the guitarist from absolute unknowns, the Tribes, when she was shooting in London recently. No, she didn’t go ‘Falling Down’ on us – ‘shooting’ is slang for ‘making some stupid film or other’.
Not only did Johansson meet the guitarist – who knows G, Em, C AND D chords – but she also became gigantically smitten with him. They are, according to a source (PR company for the Tribes or whatever) determined to make their long distance relationship work.
A source told the Sunday Mirror:
‘They met in London recently. Scarlett was shooting the film Under The Skin in the UK and they were introduced at a club night in town.
‘They got on like a house on fire and Scarlett was into his band’s music. There was an instant connection. They’ve been seeing each other for a good few weeks. Dan’s proper happy about it- and what guy wouldn’t be? He already thinks the world of Scarlett.
‘Dan thinks she’s an amazing girl. They both have incredibly busy lives but are going to see where things go. Dan’s band Tribes is only just taking off and Scarlett has a lot of work on. So who knows?’
A ‘source’ there, trying to convince us that Dan from the Tribes has an ‘incredibly busy life’. What do they take us for? FOOLS, THAT’S WHAT.
Anyway, you’ll no doubt be wondering what the Tribes sound like, so here’s the presumably large membered Dan from the Tribes churning out the usual turgid, pedestrian indie rock cobblers in a video that is desperate to make them look cool.
All musicians are pricks. Just remember that.