This Father’s Day, why not give your dad the greatest gift of all? By which we clearly mean a Rihanna sex tape.

A clip of something claiming to be a Rihanna sex tape has just found its way onto the internet, with the promise that more will be available to view from Monday. Unless the whole thing’s a fake. Which it might be.

Anyway, our point is that nothing says ‘I love you dad’ more than a sexually graphic video potentially starring a naked pop star who, quite soon after filming, will be beaten within an inch of her life.

Things have been a little bit quiet on the old celebrity sex tape front for a while, haven’t they? There’s a theory that this down to celebrities realising that the best way to protect themselves from online sex tape leaks is to not make sex tapes in the first place, but we disagree. We believe that the celebrity sex tape industry has dried up because there isn’t a celebrity on the face of the Earth who could come close to matching the horrific majesty of the Gene Simmons sex tape.

However, it looks like one plucky challenger might have taken the bait in the shape of Rihanna. Although we’ve seen much, much more of Rihanna that we’ve ever wanted to this year – those naked Rihanna photos showed us what her breasts look like, while her post-beating police report photo showed us what Rihanna’s face looks like with some of the skin torn off – it looks like Rihanna isn’t done showing us bits of herself yet.

That’s right – the much-rumoured Chris Brown/ Rihanna sex tape looks like it’s finally here. And, if it isn’t, then at least a very short video of a woman who looks a tiny bit like Rihanna if you squint a bit is finally here. And isn’t that really the same thing, deep down? Here’s what Hollyscoop has to say on the matter:

The clip below is only a preview, but the caption says that more of the video will be released on June 22nd, which happens to be the same day as Rihanna and Chris Brown’s court hearing. Coincidence?

Now, true, the leaked Rihanna sex tape could be available in full on the day of Rihanna and Chris Brown’s court hearing because somebody wants to damage the credibility of Rihanna’s testimony. But the clip also directs us towards a website which, rather than being anything remotely porny, is actually a MySpace Page featuring possibly the worst music we’ve ever heard in our entire lives, from a man who happens to have an album out on the same day. Coincidence?

And also, while the woman in the sex tape clip does look a little bit like Rihanna, she doesn’t appear to have any of Rihanna’s tattoos. And, rather than pulling one of the stylishly aloof faces that we’ve come to expect from Rihanna, the look of the woman in the leaked clip seems to be saying “Can we hurry this along, please? I’ve got to fit in a FFM piss-orgy AND a private bukkake do by teatime. Also, who should I invoice for this?”.

On the other hand the clip’s quite short, which suggests that it’s the only part of the Rihanna sex tape where you can’t see Chris Brown lumbering up against her like some sort of disgusting horny walrus, which would clearly be quite off-putting to potential viewers.

So maybe the Rihanna sex tape is real, but we won’t count our chickens just yet. Still, at least we’ve always got good old Gene Simmons to keep us ticking over in the meantime, eh?

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Anna Wintour was the interviewee on an episode of 60 Minutes with Mike Wallace. The trendsetter did not disappoint and gave a juicy insight into what it is that makes her tick/ such an utter bitch.

Now, wearing shades indoors/ being cloaked in so much fur that she has PETA in a permanent state of apoplexy/ being the alleged subject of the Hollywood movie The Devil Wears Prada, is not quite enough to get the fasionista in the headlines on just any day of the week. Nope. We only care about what she has to say when she speaks about two things dear to our hearts. Celebrities and their vaginas.

Oddly, having one myself, I’m not massively impressed with tales of celebrity vag. But I gather others are, and so I thought this might be a tidbit to lock away and save for a lonely night. Eh?

The interview Anna did was from around two weeks ago, during a period lovingly referred to as “the week celebrity vaginas ruled the earth”.

You remember, those of you who somehow still have 20/20 vision…

That was the period of time in which any and all female celebrities with something to pimp out that day, aired out their no-no places and gave the world a view that would make their gynaecologist blush. Several singers and people in the public eye had their privates bared at once. No one worth mentioning in conversation, but all people good looking enough to get their crotches splashed on TMZ. Cassie, Carrie Prejean (remember her?) and Rihanna.

In her 60 Minutes segment, Anna claims to have had Umbrella singer Rihanna in mind for an upcoming feature. One can only assume that this feature would have required Rihanna to wear clothes. As such you can understand why a nude scandal tarnished the Alien Princess’ chances of being a cover star. And once Anna had finished calling “most” residents of the US state of Minnesota fatties, “on a trip to Minnesota I can only kindly describe most of the people I saw as little houses”… she started in on Rihanna’s errant lady garden.

This week’s Star magazine features a story in which Anna talks about Rihanna peeing away her chances of being on the cover:

Rihanna and Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour had been talking for weeks about doing the cover and an inside spread, says a close friend of the singer, who adds that the two even chatted about it at the Met Costume Institute Gala on May 4. “Anna told her Vogue absolutely loves her and really wanted to work with her. Rihanna was ecstatic!” But since the photos came out, says the friend, “Anna hasn’t returned any of her calls. Rihanna’s so upset!”

This was a guest blog by Amy Grindhouse who is the bomb diggy, as Another Level would have said.

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It’s a well-known fact that the internet’s main job is to serve up photos of naked celebrities.

And if we were to conduct performance evaluations for the internet, during which we might judge how well it is doing its job, last week we would have given it a golden badge full of golden stars, a magic rain-banishing medal, and an edible framed certificate made from delicious chocolate. Why? Because, finally, the internet has delivered the JPEG Holy Grail: naked Rihanna.

That you were even able to navigate to this web page is frankly astounding given the load under which dear old uncle internet must currently be labouring.

Because Rihanna’s nudey pics weren’t the only R&B wrist fodder to smash onto the titwires last week – the decidedly less famous Cassie also found her pierced bits and bobs zinging around the web.

Cassie had a sizeable hit last year with a song called Me & U, but don’t feel bad if you don’t remember it. The video was the best part about it really, as it showed the not unattractive singer writhing on a table, having a spot of trouble keeping her legs together and dousing herself with a bottle of sexy, sexy water.

Cassie actually stole a march on Rihanna, with her boobingtons – shown in a set of self-snapped phone pics – apparently being stolen from her computer and flopped out online last Wednesday.  She didn’t sound too happy about it, but something in her response approached “meh” levels of shrugginess, leading to conspiracies that the exposure of her metal-festooned bangers was merely a publicity stunt designed to remind people she still exists. She has a new album out soon, you see.

Cassie said:

“At the end of the day breasts are breasts, mine weren’t the first you’ve seen and they won’t be the last… people need to grow up. Let’s move on.”

Is that maturity?  Naïveté? Or merely Cassie’s way of saying: “You think that’s exciting? Wait until Friday, when you will encounter a photograph of me lying naked on a bed with my legs apart, all but inviting you to examine my vagina’s labial intricacies.”

On Friday a photograph of Cassie emerged in which she is snapped lying naked on a bed with her legs apart, all but inviting you to examine her vagina’s labial intricacies. At the time of writing there’s no sign of Cassie tutting in a “vaginas are vaginas, move on please children” manner, but let’s assume she at least rolled her eyes heavenwards momentarily.

So to Rihanna, who possibly saw Cassie getting a lot of the internet’s hairy palmers’ attention and decided to blast her nipples out of the spotlight with her own kinky camerawork. The photos in which her breasticles and flesh cavern are visible don’t actually show her face, which points to a possible stitch up – but since these snaps are placed in a set which does feature photos of Rihanna’s face, let’s not tell ourselves that we haven’t seen Rihanna naked. That would be a horrible thing to do.

Inevitably rumours have surfaced that Chris Brown leaked the Rihanna photos, which would make sense since he’d probably like there to be photographic evidence online showing that there were days in their relationship when Rihanna wasn’t a bitten, bloody, bruised mess.

The sequence in which all this R&B mammary gold was mined is unclear, and has led to the perception in some quarters of the whole episode as a tit for twat battle between the shady, fanny-fixated camps behind each singer. Could Cassie’s more explicit photo, in which is spread like soft Clover on hot toast, have been a direct response to Rihanna’s blurry T&A shots? If this is the case, we can consider our lucky old selves to be entering a whole new era of celebrity oneupwomanship.

I mean there was that period a few years back when it seemed you couldn’t open a browser without seeing the nether lips of Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton or Britney Spears – but these weren’t self-snapped mimsy exposés . While the main benefit of the proliferation of mobile telecommunications devices has been the ease with which we can share information, it shouldn’t be overlooked that these gadgets also enable nubile young popstars to engage in online tit-offs for our entertainment.

I for one welcome the day when, for example, Cheryl Cole forgoes saying something mean about Lily Allen and instead just whips out her hooters and starts clicking. This would lead to an appropriately topless response from Lily, and so on until each lady’s Twitter feed is just a constant river of ever more profane images preceded by the appropriate “@”.

It sounds unlikely, but you’d given up on seeing Rihanna nude, hadn’t you?

This was a guest blog by Stuart Waterman from My Chemical Toilet, and it’s really ruddy good.

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