Articles tagged with: release
Watchmen: Fox & Warner Bros Put Their Handbags Away
It would have been awful if Fox managed to block the release of this year's Watchmen movie, wouldn't it? Because what would we have to be disappointed about then? The weather? Our jobs? The way we can't grow a proper beard? No, Fox didn't want to just block Watchmen - it wanted to block our right to be chronically disappointed by Watchmen, and that wasn't on. Luckily, though, the crisis has been averted. Fox and Warner Bros have resolved their legal squabble, and Watchmen is coming out as planned. That means our plan to slag it off before we've seen it remains intact! Yay!
It would have been awful if Fox managed to block the release of this year's Watchmen movie, wouldn't it? Because what would we have to be disappointed about then? The weather? Our jobs? The way we can't grow a proper beard? No, Fox didn't want to just block Watchmen - it wanted to block our right to be chronically disappointed by Watchmen, and that wasn't on. Luckily, though, the crisis has been averted. Fox and Warner Bros have resolved their legal squabble, and Watchmen is coming out as planned. That means our plan to slag it off before we've seen it remains intact! Yay!
Amy Winehouse Cheered Up By Release Of BLAAAAAYKE!
If you've been traumatised by all those photos of Amy Winehouse looking ill and close to death and alone recently, fear not. Because Amy Winehouse isn't going to be ill and close to death and alone any more - she's going to be ill and close to death with Blake Fielder-Civil, her hat-wearing berk of a husband who was released from jail yesterday, where he'd been since getting arrested for smashing a man's face in with his feet and then lying about it. But don't expect a happy reunion between Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil just yet - after leaving prison, Blake went directly to rehab alone, where he'll either be treated for substance abuse or violent shower-room bumming depending on how well his sentence went.
If you've been traumatised by all those photos of Amy Winehouse looking ill and close to death and alone recently, fear not. Because Amy Winehouse isn't going to be ill and close to death and alone any more - she's going to be ill and close to death with Blake Fielder-Civil, her hat-wearing berk of a husband who was released from jail yesterday, where he'd been since getting arrested for smashing a man's face in with his feet and then lying about it. But don't expect a happy reunion between Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil just yet - after leaving prison, Blake went directly to rehab alone, where he'll either be treated for substance abuse or violent shower-room bumming depending on how well his sentence went.
Chinese Democracy: November 23, 2008. Apparently
In 1492 when Axl Rose was first granted permission by Spanish royalty to seek out a shorter trade route to India, he set out at an eager pace. Instead of trade routes, however, he discovered the Americas. When his foot first set on the western world’s sandy shores he swore a solemn vow to one day release an album to honor that occasion. He gave a title – Chinese Democracy. A strange name for the album’s occasion, if you ask us. But alas, he certainly has taken his time in fulfilling that oath. He has been busy though – what with all that ending slavery, covering all of WWII with a warm blanket of peace, and flying to the moon in a rocket-ship he built himself just for the self satisfaction of beating Neil Armstrong to it. Also he translated the bible back to the original Greek. He never took credit for the latter. But apparently he’s cleared his schedule – because a Chinese Democracy release date has reportedly been set.
In 1492 when Axl Rose was first granted permission by Spanish royalty to seek out a shorter trade route to India, he set out at an eager pace. Instead of trade routes, however, he discovered the Americas. When his foot first set on the western world’s sandy shores he swore a solemn vow to one day release an album to honor that occasion. He gave a title – Chinese Democracy. A strange name for the album’s occasion, if you ask us. But alas, he certainly has taken his time in fulfilling that oath. He has been busy though – what with all that ending slavery, covering all of WWII with a warm blanket of peace, and flying to the moon in a rocket-ship he built himself just for the self satisfaction of beating Neil Armstrong to it. Also he translated the bible back to the original Greek. He never took credit for the latter. But apparently he’s cleared his schedule – because a Chinese Democracy release date has reportedly been set.
Christian Bale Assault Charges Result in Ultimate Punishment. That, or Just a Caution
Christian Bale looks likely to get away with allegedly pushing his mum about, if he pleads guilty to assault. The Welshman, who no one seems to realise is Welsh, has been recommended to receive a caution by the Crown Prosecution Service for his alleged actions, should he plead guilty to charges next month. If, however, he pleads not guilty then he could be looking at more severe penalties, all according to the bastion of truth, honour and glory that is The Sun newspaper. Though, let's be honest here - he probably wouldn't be looking at any really severe charges. A fine, a slap on the wrist and a bruised ego, leaving the Baler ready to take on Terminator 4 and Batman 3. Unless the authorities were to decide on making an example of him and imprisoned him for life - alledgely pushing your mum and sister about is no laughing matter, after all. Especially when they apparently want money from you.
Christian Bale looks likely to get away with allegedly pushing his mum about, if he pleads guilty to assault. The Welshman, who no one seems to realise is Welsh, has been recommended to receive a caution by the Crown Prosecution Service for his alleged actions, should he plead guilty to charges next month. If, however, he pleads not guilty then he could be looking at more severe penalties, all according to the bastion of truth, honour and glory that is The Sun newspaper. Though, let's be honest here - he probably wouldn't be looking at any really severe charges. A fine, a slap on the wrist and a bruised ego, leaving the Baler ready to take on Terminator 4 and Batman 3. Unless the authorities were to decide on making an example of him and imprisoned him for life - alledgely pushing your mum and sister about is no laughing matter, after all. Especially when they apparently want money from you.
Gary Glitter to be Released From Prison: Lock up Your Kids (in Vietnam, at Least)
Everyone's favourite gang member, Gary Glitter, is to be released later this month, much to the delight of... seemingly no one. If you've wanted to be in his gang for the last three years, but have been wondering what in the blue hell has been going on - fret not! For Gary Glitter is going to be released from the Vietnamese prison where he has been held since 2005 on child molestation charges. Mark the August 19 in your diaries, devout fans and potential lynchmobs!
Everyone's favourite gang member, Gary Glitter, is to be released later this month, much to the delight of... seemingly no one. If you've wanted to be in his gang for the last three years, but have been wondering what in the blue hell has been going on - fret not! For Gary Glitter is going to be released from the Vietnamese prison where he has been held since 2005 on child molestation charges. Mark the August 19 in your diaries, devout fans and potential lynchmobs!
