Folded:

• 10 Reasons why Paul Newman ruled (could have been a hundred reasons)
• 50% off your Pizza Hut food bill over the weekend (click here and get jiggy with a large Hawaiian)
• Wearing a suit when you don’t need to (turn up for beers on a Friday night and unnerve people. They’ll think your lotto numbers have come up and buy you drinks)
• Dead Fred (‘kill’ something each time you use your pen. Perfect if you get upset signing cheques)
• Frankie Boyle (a comedian who would probably rip the piss if you spontaneously combusted on his doorstep)

Creased:

• Paul Newman: the sad passing of a Hollywood legend (not many of these old school matinee idols left now. A damn shame)
• Duffy wandering down the street swigging a bottle of milk in her new video (so self consciously hip that she doesn’t even need to smile. That’s cool, kids; milky and miserable)
• Righteous Kill (should have been made and released in 1989 to clog up the STV shelves of Ritz video)
• Half price sales (normally you wouldn’t be seen dead buying that yellow t-shirt from Next, but there you are, queuing up with everyone else, wasting your heard earned cash on sub-boot sale fodder)
• Sex On Fire by Kings of Leon, apparently (anyone else thought this was some crappy new soft rock combo doing the soundtrack for One Tree Hill?)

9 – This is what we like. Feelgood stories about bottoms being stapled shut - Baltimore Examiner

8 – As an apology for the Taliban, the Afghans try to assassinate Ant & Dec – Holy Moly

7 - This woman says we should have more manners. Hey lady! Stick your manners up your tits! – Divine Caroline

6 - Now this is manners – Burbia

5 - Micheal Cera’s about to star in a new film where even his T-shirts are the same as in every other movie – Defamer

4 – Hey David Blaine! EAT THIS! Seriously – Best Week Ever

3 - Sensational midgets. You heard – Rock The List

2 – No idea who this woman is, but she looks famous and she licks dogs. Isn’t that enough? - Dlisted

1 - Still quite sad about Paul Newman, aren’t we. We don’t know if this helps or not.

However, although he may have physically passed away, Paul Newman will never really die – he’ll live on forever in our hearts and minds with both his indelible, iconic movie roles and also his yummo salad dressing.

When someone as legendary as Paul Newman passes away, it’s only natural for other celebrities to share their memories of the deceased with everyone. So, as such, we’ve decided to pass on perhaps the most relevant tribute of all – Paul Newman’s co-star in Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, The Sting and Termintor 3: Rise Of The Machines, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

On Friday night, Paul Newman died after a period of ill health. He was 83. During his lifetime, Paul Newman managed to succeed in industries as varied as food production, philanthropy and NASCAR, but the thing that he’ll go down in history for is his movie work.

The Hustler, Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, Cool Hand Luke, Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, The Hudsucker Proxy, Road To Perdition – regardless of the age he made them, Paul Newman imbued all these movies with the sort of intelligent, dignified, macho cool that only really comes along once a generation.

So, as such, it’s only right that one of the men we should be paying attention to in the wake of Paul Newman’s death is his spiritual successor, Arnold Schwarzenegger – the man who took Paul Newman’s nuanced ethos and applied it to films about angry vikings and pregnant men.

Addressing a crowd of Olympians and Paralympians in California this weekend, Arnold Schwarzenegger took the time to commemorate Paul Newman’s passing. The Mercury News reports:

“There’s just one thing, news that we have, that is sad,” the governor said. “Last night Paul Newman passed away because of cancer, and so our thoughts and prayers go out to Joanne (Woodward)—his wife—and to his friends and his family.” Schwarzenegger had met Newman but never appeared with him in a movie.

Of course, it’s only right for Arnold Schwarzenegger to publicly mention Paul Newman’s death – as Governor of California, he’s ultimately in charge of a state that’s just 2,865 short miles away from where Newman lived.

Anyway, now that Schwarzenegger has paid tribute to Paul Newman, the grieving process can begin in earnest. And, if that means we’ll all get to watch Cool Hand Luke again in memorial, then at least some good can come of it.

Folded:

• Prawn cocktail Pringles (these really make sense)
• I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry (annoying toy lesbian or taking the piss? Probably taking the piss, so laugh)
• Madonna’s jiggly boobs in the 4 Minutes video (okay, so we’re not Nuts magazine, but we’ve got eyes)
• Genuine Childs (they guys composed the menu music for The Bourne Identity DVD, just in case you were wondering)
• The XXIX Olympiad (numbingly compulsive. Quick, badminton is on!)

Creased:

• The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (the curse of Rob Cohen strikes again)
• Overuse of metaphors on The Hotel Inspector voiceover (about a former-lighthouse B&B: ‘The owners are all at sea’, ‘About to enter choppy waters’ or ‘The bathroom is flushed for success’)
• Bad news about Paul Newman (83 year old smoker or not, this sucks for a Hollywood legend. That’s right, legend. No exaggeration)
• Fat beauty queens (wow, look at the girl in white – she’s MASSIVE!)
• Alexander O’Neal (recently on Celebrity Wife Swap. Believe the hype! From twenty years ago)

The 83-year-old has reportedly been told he has weeks to live following chemotherapy treatment for lung cancer and, when confronted with the news, he told doctors he wanted to die at home.

Just as he has proven time and time again through his long life, Paul Newman is nothing less than a man’s man – dictating where death is allowed to get its slimy mitts on him.

While we did all hope that Newman would crack a pool cue over cancer’s back, it would appear that the insidious little bastard of a disease has managed to one-up Butch Cassidy.

While we hope to God, Allah, Buddah, Xenu and everyone else in-between that the reports are as inaccurate as the ones saying Bernie Mac was healthy, recent images of Newman have left us with little hope, showing the legend looking weak and frail – a shell of the man we at hecklerspray have a real love for.

The love we spread around for the marinade king isn’t the kind you would normally get on hearing a legend – and be in no doubt that Paul Newman is anything but a legend – is on their way out, or has recently died. No, hecklerspray has constantly sung the praises of one of the greatest actors the world has ever seen.

We reckoned he was involved in one of the best scenes with one of the top ten movie assassins.

We pointed out his involvement in one of the top ten sports movies of all time.

And we obviously included his turn as a part of one of the top ten movie heists of all time.

Never let it be said we had anything other than utter admiration for the man.

Speaking to the Daily Mail, a friend of the family said:

“He didn’t want to die in the hospital. Joanne and his daughters are beside themselves with grief.”

The source heartbreakingly went on:

“The sudden move angered his children. It’s especially hard for them to come to grips with what’s going on. The word they’ve been given is that he has only a few weeks to live.”

It’s not often we’re lost for words but – well, we pretty much are now. Paul has apparently spent the last few weeks making sure his business and personal affairs are in order, as well as giving away his prized Ferarri to a friend. Not hecklerspray, unfortunately, but we’re not going to complain. Much.

It really has been something of a shitty few days for entertainment news – Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes both suddenly passing away over the weekend, and now the apparent impending death of one of the true greats of cinema. And you wonder why we’re so pissed off all the time.

We are hoping that the reports are fabricated, but if not: make your final marinades Paul – you will be missed. We have used the word a few times already in this post, but here we go again: the man is a legend.

And he makes chicken taste gooooood.

It was an age of moralising without snobbery, with heroes you wanted to be and leading men you wished you could just hug and say ‘thank you’ to.

Paul Newman is a man from that age, and to this day he carries on being a shining example to the world of Hollywood as to what makes a man.

Newman doesn’t bother hyping himself up to be our new saviour – he eschews the limelight that could so easily surround his incredible array of charity works and instead focuses on, well, raising the money. Not constantly appearing on TV to tell us all that he’s raising money – the man just goes out there and does it, managing to make some damn fine marinades for your chicken in the process.

Not like those modern day ponces who skip around from chat show to radio discussion, elaborating to anyone who cares (clue: no one) on how they aim to change the world, that China may not have a great human rights record and generally patronising all with the combination of ears and the ability to understand language.

Nor does he take his time being clinically insane, leaping about the place, alienating fans and generally being a grade ‘A’ berk. The man may subscribe to a religion, he may not, but he certainly doesn’t jog around from port to port cramming his beliefs down anyone’s throat.

What a guy.

Paul Newman inhabits the same echelon of existence saved for members of the human race who are just great, above all reproach and come across as thoroughly nice people – like Gregory Peck, for example. The kind of people that even we at hecklerspray towers find it hard to take issue with.

But unlike the Pecker, Newman isn’t dead. And if his latest statement about his health is anything to go on, the 83-year-old won’t be for a while. Speaking to journalists through his spokesperson, the following factoid was revealed:

“Newman says he’s doing nicely.”

Granted, this does nothing to quell the rumours that the retired actor is gravely ill with cancer, but if Paul says he’s doing great, hecklerspray believes him.

If one of the manliest men that has ever existed tells you he’s okay – even if it’s through a third party – then he’s okay. Stop the speculation and just hope the alleged lung cancer isn’t true; we’ve had enough life-threatening cancer for this year, thanks.

To be fair though, cancer clearly wouldn’t stand a chance against Newman. He’d crack a pool cue over that fucker’s back.