Holidays and mini-breaks.

Folded:

• The BBC (for having the good sense to show Point Break last Sunday as a Patrick Swayze tribute. Roadhouse next please)
• Slovenia (radical)
• Free Batman: Arkham Asylum downloads (only map packs, but they are gratis so stop complaining)
• Saturday morning at the movies (just you and the rest of the loners, but an entire screen nearly all to yourself. Don’t see Fame though, people will think you’re doing stuff)
• Charlie Brooker’s Gameswipe (He’s done it again, he’s made Bad Influence ‘09)

Creased:

• Cheapo post-it notes (if they don’t say ‘Post-It’ on the back and they cost £2.00 for 400 then they won’t stick to anything more challenging than a flat horizontal surface)
• Dappy (one third of N-Dubz. The one with the hat. The silliest one, in other words)
• Ghosts ‘n’ Stuff by Deadmau5 (good track, if it didn’t have that bloke from Pendulum singing all over it. Unfortunately it does)
• Il Protagonisto (what Robbie Williams was planning on calling his new album. Seems like senility comes and goes for him these days)
• Cheryl Cole (started out chavvy, went all fit, now back to chavvy again. And as for that skid mark of a new single…)

Bad times…

• ‘The Swizzle’ (put Road House on and remember Patrick Swayze in the worst at his best. “My way… or the highway”)
• Put this in front of any url (why? Because laughing at Kanye West is fun)
• Troy Kennedy Martin (died this week and he wrote the screenplay for The Italian Job, so that’s definitely earned him a mention)
• Keith Floyd (heart attack. Drink some wine and remember this guy too)
• Pirates of the Caribbean 4 actually sounds like it could be quite good (probably won’t be though)

• Kanye West (second Creased appearance this month for the mini-man even Diddy thinks is a pillock)
• Reece’s Pieces (like peanut M&M’s that have gone off)
• Serena Williams (nice controlled behaviour for the 28 year old veteran)
• Children swearing (is there ever a more disheartening sound?)
• Derren Brown… has become David Copperfield (“I’m an American”)

Patrick Swayze – actor, dancer, singer, cockney rhyming slang mainstay – has died of pancreatic cancer. He was 57.

If you’re like us, you were probably expecting to read that last sentence 20 months ago. That’s when Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and the rumours about him only having weeks to live emerged. It’s a testament to Patrick Swayze’s strength of mind that he not only ended up clinging on for over a year and a half, but that he also continued to work painkiller-free for much of it.

It’s a sad day, but at least Point Break will be on TV soon.

News of Patrick Swayze’s death doesn’t come as a surprise – not least because every other celebrity on the face of the Earth has dropped dead since about May – but it’s still a shock. Throughout his battle with pancreatic cancer, from his diagnosis to his frank interviews on the subject, Patrick Swayze gave the impression that he was a survivor. He may have read his own obituary several times over, but that wasn’t going to get to him.

Swayze’s outright defiance and refusal to roll over in the last few months of his life – he even made a television series during his cancer treatment, refusing painkillers for the duration – was an inspiration. And now he’s dead. A statement released by Patrick Swayze’s publicist last night simply read:

“Patrick Swayze passed away peacefully today with family at his side after facing the challenges of his illness for the last 20 months.”

But although he’s gone, Patrick Swayze won’t be forgotten. Not so much for the body of work he left behind – there can’t be too many people rushing to watch Letters From A Killer in tribute this morning – but because of the spirit of determination he embodied. Every day that he outlasted his initial five-week prognosis was a giant victory, and every tiny hurdle he crossed in the meantime – beating pneumonia and writing his memoirs – felt like he was triumphantly kicking fate in the teeth.

So Patrick Swayze may be gone, but he’ll always be with us. That goes double for Whoopi Goldberg who, if history has any say in the matter, he’ll soon be possessing in a harebrained attempt to woo Demi Moore from beyond the grave.

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Poor old Patrick Swayze. To hear your own obituary once is bad enough. But now he’s heard it twice, which seems a little extravagant.

And it’s all thanks to our old friend the internet. Yesterday afternoon an announcement on a Florida radio station led to internet reports claiming that Patrick Swayze had lost his battle with pancreatic cancer. This in turn led to a tidalwave of sad-face emoticons on Twitter – officially the greatest sign of bereavement that the internet is sanctioned to use.

Thing is, though, Patrick Swayze hadn’t died – of anything – and now he’s a little bit pissed off.

We know three stone-cold facts about Patrick Swayze. 1) For him to survive pancreatic cancer for this long is a testament to both medical science and his own tenacity. 2) When Patrick Swayze does die, people will claim that they enjoy his movies more than they really do, because most of them are rubbish. 3) Patrick Swazye isn’t dead.

The third one is possibly the most important. Patrick Swayze isn’t dead. He absolutely isn’t dead. If you see Patrick Swayze today and decide to poke him with a stick to see if he’s dead, he’ll break the stick in two and put both parts in your bottom as punishment. Do dead people do that? No they don’t. Because they’re dead. Patrick Swayze, on the other hand, isn’t dead.

That didn’t stop the internet exploding into life yesterday afternoon, though, after it was reported that Patrick Swayze had passed away in hospital. The rumours originally stemmed from KISS FM in Jacksonville, Florida, but then quickly spread onto gossip sites and then onto Twitter, where anyone will believe any old bollocks so long as it’s accompanied by one of those sad face colon-parenthesis things.

And how did the fully-alive Patrick Swayze react to the news that he’d just died? By leaping inside the body of Whoopi Goldberg to try and remind Demi Moore how much he loved her? Sadly not. He just got his publicist to release a mardy statement instead. BBC News reports:

Annett Wolf said the star, who is battling pancreatic cancer, was alive and well and responding to treatment. Wolf’s statement read: “This is to confirm that Patrick Swayze did not pass away this morning contrary to severely reckless reports stemming from a radio station in Jacksonville, Florida. Patrick Swayze is alive, well and is enjoying his life and he continues to respond to treatment.”

This is the second time that Patrick Swayze has had to go through this unsettling ordeal. The first came right after his diagnosis with cancer, when his friends and co-stars reflected on his life in the past tense to whichever television camera was nearest to them. And now this.

Honestly, when is Patrick Swayze going to get the message? If people are saying he’s dead then maybe he should act dead in order to spunk away his life insurance payout on a bloody great speedboat. It’s what we’d do. And it wouldn’t take much, either – just a couple of accomplices, a few weeks of hiding and the dead body of Richard Gere. We’re always getting those two mixed up.

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So why not Patrick Swayze himself? It’s been reported that Patrick Swayze will pen a memoir with the help of his wife Lisa. The book will span Swayze’s entire life – which means, unless things take a turn for the better soon, it’s going to have an incredibly depressing ending.

Because, Jesus, The Beast? Have you actually seen that thing? Talk about a terrible way to end an autobiography. Way to bum us all out, Patrick.

Think Patrick Swayze at the moment and, sadly, you tend to think of the stage 4 pancreatic cancer that he’s been blighted with for the last year. That’s not without good reason – for all the upsetting talk of a two-year survival prognosis, the fact is that by doubling the life expectancy of a patient in a similar position, and by seeing off pneumonia in the process, Patrick Swayze has become something of an inspirational figure.

But, despite all this, there’s much more to Patrick Swayze than just cancer. He was named the sexiest man alive in 1991, for example. Plus he wrote She’s Like The Wind, guest-starred in an episode of MacGyver and was the single weirdest thing about Donnie Darko. And those are all things worth preserving.

And that’s why his continuing battle with cancer has spurred Patrick Swayze on to write his autobiography. Along with his wife Lisa, Patrick Swayze has announced that he’s planning to write what is bound to be an incredibly inspirational memoir. People reports:

Despite reports, the source says that Swayze, who is battling pancreatic cancer, will not write an inspirational book. Instead, The Beast star will focus on his life’s journey, including his current fight against cancer. No word yet on when the book will be published.

Oh, alright then. Patrick Swayze’s book won’t be inspirational after all. We’d quite like to think that Patrick Swayze is going to go out of his way to make his autobiography as deliberately curmudgeonly and demotivating as possible. Not just about his fight with cancer, but about everything that’s ever happened to him – we’d especially love to see chapter headings entitled Letters From A Killer: What In Shitting Christ Was I Thinking? and My Parents? Ugh, Don’t Talk To Me About My Parents – but that’s unlikely to happen, realistically.

Nevertheless, we’re sure that Patrick Swayze’s book will turn out great. Just so long as he remembers not to go into too much detail about anything that happened to him between 1992 and, say, 2007. Our lives are busy enough as it is without having to read page after page on the voice work that Patrick Swayze did for The Fox And The Hound 2.

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As if battling stage 4 pancreatic cancer and holding on for much longer than anyone anticipated wasn’t enough, Patrick Swayze now also has pneumonia beat. Last week Patrick Swayze checked himself into hospital with pneumonia, but he’s already well enough to be released.

It just goes to show Patrick Swayze’s tenacity. In fact, we’re starting to think that this Ghost’s final scene all over again – God isn’t letting Patrick Swayze die until he chops a baddie in half with a window or something.

Since he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer last year, Patrick Swayze has never taken the easy option. Not only has he dealt with the illness in public, letting everyone know his fears and bravery in intimate detail, but he’s also found the time to film an entire TV series – foregoing painkillers and only taking one day off throughout the shoot.

And if that wasn’t enough, Patrick Swayze has even decided to take on additional illnesses as well. Last week Patrick Swayze admitted himself to hospital with pneumonia, and obviously the world feared the worst – the chemotherapy had ravaged his immune system and if it didn’t finish him off for good then at the very least everyone expected an indefinite hospital stay.

Turns out, though, that all the worry was unnecessary. Just one week later and Patrick Swayze is well enough to leave hospital and return home, as BBC News reports:

Actor Patrick Swayze has been released from hospital one week after checking himself in with pneumonia, his publicist has confirmed. Annett Wolf would not elaborate on the Dirty Dancing star’s condition, but said he was “well enough to have been released”, and was resting at home.

It almost defies belief that Patrick Swayze can continue to do so well in the face of such gigantic hurdles. In fact, if we were Swayze we’d see how far our luck could go and riverdance across a motorway or deliberately enrage a bear with a stick or something. The way he’s going, we’re pretty sure he’d escape from both unscathed.

Honestly, our admiration for Patrick Swayze is tempered only by the fact that he didn’t show this strength of spirit when he was choosing his movie roles. Because, really, he can fight off pneumonia but he couldn’t say no to Steel Dawn? Disappointing.

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But hold your horses, everyone. Just because he managed to beat one depressingly short cancer prognosis, Patrick Swayze wants everyone to know that he’s not going to live forever. In fact, in a bleak reality check during an interview with Barbara Walters, Patrick Swayze has only given himself two more years.

Patrick Swayze has got guts – making that admission while staring directly at a million-year-old bouffant Skeletor who logic dictates he should survive by several decades? That’s bravery.

Since he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer last year, Patrick Swayze has managed to walk the line between inspiring and gut-wrenching with more deftness than a thousand daytime made-for-TV movies. Not only did he beat the odds by not dying of cancer within the five weeks he was given, but he then went on to beat the odds again by foregoing painkillers to film a TV show during his treatment.

Patrick Swayze has even survived long enough to hear his own obituaries, but no matter how much his recovery has surprised doctors and the general public at large, it’s clear his luck won’t last forever. And that’s something Patrick Swayze made horribly clear during an interview with Barbara Walters in an interview to be broadcast tonight. Reuters reports:

“I’d say five years is pretty wishful thinking. Two years seems likely if you’re going to believe statistics. I want to last until they find a cure, which means I’d better get a fire under it. You can bet I’m going through hell. There’s a lot of fear here … Yeah, I’m scared. Yeah, I’m angry. Yeah, I’m (asking) why me?… Am I dying? Am I giving up? Am I on my death bed? Am I saying goodbye to people? No way.”

It’s an honest assessment from someone who knows he’s already done better than most. Statistics show only a five percent survival rate over five years for a man in his condition, but simply by being alive a year after his diagnosis, Patrick Swayze has doubled the usual life expectancy of a regular pancreatic cancer patient.

But regardless of whether Patrick Swayze manages to keep the cancer at bay for two years or five, it doesn’t matter – through his sheer grit and determination, Patrick Swayze will prove to be an inspiration for many decades after his death.

What’s more, it means the mawkish Dirty Dancing tribute night that every TV station in the world is planning for the day after Patrick Swayze dies is still anywhere between two to five years off. In a way, we’re all winners.

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What’s more impressive is that Patrick Swayze has got his pancreatic cancer on the run. He’s responding well enough to the treatment that he’s even made his own, admittedly quite rubbish-looking TV show.

So Patrick Swayze doesn’t seem like he’s on death’s door. And if you think he is, keep it to yourself, because Patrick Swayze is so furious about it that it’s all he can do not to get all penultimate scene of Ghost on your arse.

Manufacturers of limited-edition plate sets featuring badly-painted pictures of Patrick Swayze dancing in a vest and the slogan ‘Nobody puts baby in a corner… except pancreatic cancer. Patrick Swayze: 1952 – 2008′, we have some bad news for you. It doesn’t look like Patrick Swayze is going anywhere.

It’s astounding to think that back in March Patrick Swayze was given just five weeks to live because pancreatic cancer had taken hold in his body. But then the five-week mark passed. And then the five-month mark. And then enough time for Patrick Swayze to have to deny that he was going to star in Point Break 2 because he realised he wasn’t going to get out of it by dying first.

Between this and his new TV show Beast, it seems like Patrick Swayze has got his pancreatic cancer well and truly licked. Whether it’s because he was rich enough to afford the best cancer treatment in the world or because God doesn’t want him to leave Earth until he’s made a sequel to Letters From A Killer, a movie which He wrongly regards as a classic, it doesn’t matter. Patrick Swayze is on the mend and that’s what’s important.

Unless you’re the National Enquirer, because if that’s the case then what’s important is writing all kinds of stories about what a feeble old cancer-suffering wanker Patrick Swayze is as often as possible; something that Swayze himself has not unreasonably got the arseholes with. The New York Daily News reports:

“They’re reporting that I’m on my last legs and saying goodbye to my tearful family!” he railed. He called the coverage of his battle as “emotional cruelty” – especially, he said, “when hope is so precious… It’s upsetting that the shoddy and reckless reporting from these publications cast a negative shadow on the positive and good fight I’m fighting.”

Honestly, these people should know better than to morbidly follow every last gasp and croak of a man with a serious disease. Not only does it reflect very badly on the publications in question, but you also have to wonder if any of these journalists have ever seen Ghost.

Annoy Patrick Swayze in this life and he’ll come and get you from the next life. Or he’ll sort of jump inside Whoopi Goldberg’s body and make her come and get you. Or he’ll help Demi Moore do some pottery. Or something.

Look, it’s ages since we last saw Ghost. Just, anyway, look, stop it.

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And now Patrick Swayze has been given another second chance, and this one is perhaps even more remarkable. When he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, Patrick Swayze was supposedly given five weeks to live. That was back in March, and not only has Swayze not died, but he’s also managed to star in a TV show in the meantime as well.

So Patrick Swayze has hit the promotional circuit, giving a bracingly upbeat interview to the New York Times where he revealed how proud he is of his continued recovery while admitting that chemotherapy is ‘hell on wheels’. It must be working, though, because Swayze is doing a fairly good impression of a man on the mend. Maybe our dream of seeing Red Dawn 2: Zombie Commies get made wasn’t so stupid after all.

Everyone likes a story about a man who beats the odds - Rocky, Winston Churchill, that chap who eats all the hotdogs – and that’s why there’s such a huge swell of goodwill for Patrick Swayze at the moment.

Earlier this year, it was revealed that Patrick Swayze had been struck down by such a vicious strain of pancreatic cancer that he was only given five weeks to live. As expected, all kinds of tributes bordering on obituary were paid to Patrick Swayze, but it seems they might have been a little bit premature.

Because in July, months after he was supposed to be dead, Patrick Swayze seemed to have the cancer licked. And now, almost four months after that, not only is Patrick Swayze even better still, but he’s been feeling well enough to star in a TV series.

The show will no doubt be horrible, given that a) It’s called The Beast, b) it’s on A&E and c) it’s got Patrick Swayze in it, but the fact alone that Patrick Swayze even has the drive to make it is nothing short of spectacular. And Patrick Swayze’s just as pleased about that as anyone else, as he told The New York Times:

“How do you nurture a positive attitude when all the statistics say you’re a dead man? You go to work… I do find myself, at the end of the day, riding home sort of catching myself with a smile on my face. I’m proud of what I’m doing… It’s a battle zone I go through. Chemo, no matter how you cut it, is hell on wheels.”

We’ve said it before, but it’s phenomenal that Patrick Swayze can pull 12-hour days working on a TV show while battling chemotherapy.

Some have said that Swayze’s recovery is down to God refusing to accept that he’s completed all of his objectives on Earth – which is rubbish, because until he was diagnosed with cancer Patrick Swayze’s objectives on Earth seemed to involve making really crummy films – but regardless, it’s hard not to be impressed.

Assuming that Angelina Jolie has had herself some kids is one version of the game we’re more than willing to play. Even when it’s as clearly wrong as some people can be. That’s almost fun, if you’re into that kind of thing.

But a new take on the game seems to have been popping up over the course of the year – first we had Patrick Swayze and his cancer that was definitely going to kill him within weeks, then it didn’t, leaving the public confused and Swayze looking healthier than ever. Now it’s the turn of Bernie “I took over from Bill Murray in Charlie’s Angels” Mac to keep the press and public frantically guessing as to whether he’s actually alive, dying or dead.

Frankly, it’s quite a morbid game and we don’t want to play much.

Bernie, 50, admitted himself to hospital on the 3rd of August and was subsequently placed into treatment for pneumonia. It didn’t take long for something of a mild frenzy to whip up, though at first most news was simply taking the ’straight report’ route – as favoured by journalists that can’t be bothered trying very hard – telling the public Mac had been admitted for treatment.

Not long after, a new element was added to the game when reports emerged of an unnamed source – the most trustworthy of all the sources – saying Bernie was in a ‘very, very critical condition’ and alluding to him being either near to death or actually dead. Now, frankly that’s a bit unfair on the man, don’t you think? So, yes, he did do a far worse job than Bill Murray in Charlie’s Angels 2 and his role in Transformers was forgettable at best – but there’s no need to start spreading rumours that he’s actually dead now, is there. That’s just low.

Thankfully, reports have surfaced today quoting Bernie Mac’s rep as saying these words with their mouth – whether they were angry, crying or simply aloof when spouting these communications, we do not know:

“Bernie Mac is still alive and being treated at a Chicago hospital for pneumonia and is expected to make a full recovery.”

But regardless of the emotional state of this so-called ‘rep’, at least they were concise, to the point and didn’t bother with baseless speculation. Frankly, those aspects make the guessing game too hard to judge. At least with direct statements you can almost accept it as fact, especially when it comes from one of these ‘rep’ things with a name, Danica Smith. She went on to say:

“Mr. Mac is responding well to treatment and will be released soon.”

The disease is, according to those that report these things as fact, not related to Bernie’s long-standing sarcoidosis – a chronic disease that can cause inflammation of tissue, especially around the lungs. Mr Mac, as it would appear he likes to be called, has seen the remission of the disease since 2005.

All good to know. Hecklerspray sends our get well soon psychic beams out to you, Bernie.

Four months ago Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with a particularly vicious bout of pancreatic cancer that we were told would kill him within weeks. Now, though, Patrick Swayze has surprised everyone by looking remarkably healthy – so what gives?

According to Patrick Swayze himself, his apparent recovery is a ‘miracle’. Miracle schmiracle, we say – it’s obvious that Patrick Swayze is doing so well because of a) impressive advances in oncology and b) Patrick Swayze’s realisation that royalties from sales of Ghost DVDs have rocketed since he got cancer and if he hangs around long enough he’ll be able to afford a speedboat.

You’ll have noticed that we haven’t paid too much attention to Patrick Swayze since he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer back in March. That’s partly because we were respecting Partick’s request for privacy during his treatment, and partly because Miley Cyrus got her pants out and that was obviously way more important.

But since then two major things have happened to Patrick Swayze. Firstly, given that Swayze apparently only had five weeks to live when he was diagnosed, he had to watch while people like Whoopi Goldberg give tributes to him like he was already dead, which much be a pretty weird thing to experience. And secondly?

Secondly Patrick Swayze got better.

The five-week mark came and went and, rather than dying, Patrick Swayze gradually started to look healthier. Last month doctors told Swayze he was well enough to return to work and now he’s made his first statement about his incredible recovery. The Telegraph reports:

Asked about his health, a grinning Swayze, 55, gave a thumbs up and replied: “I’m a miracle, dude, I don’t know why.” … In addition to hospital treatment, the star is sticking to a healthy eating regime in a bid to keep the cancer at bay.

It’s genuinely great news to hear that Patrick Swayze is winning his fight against cancer, and hopefully his health will continue to improve.

A few more months of incremental recovery and maybe Patrick Swayze will even stop being known as a brave cancer survivor and go back to being the bloke who was kind of crappy in Steel Dawn. But for that to happen we all have to believe.

Just a few months ago, the Dirty Dancing star had weeks to live after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. But it was reported this week that 55-year-old Patrick Swayze is actually returning to work.

Yes, you heard that right: cancer-stricken Patrick Swayze is going to be back on your TV screens very soon. Next year, in fact.

It’s not the first time he has been linked with a return. Only a couple of weeks ago, there were rumours he was to star in a sequel of the highly-successful surfing movie Point Break.

But he quickly denied that that was the case, which, of course, we all expected. I mean, he has cancer, right!?

However, this week Patrick Swayze confirmed he will be returning to work – in the TV show The Beast – after the doctors confirmed he is fit to resume work.

Fit to resume work? Pretty incredible! I mean this is not a bout of the flu – he has an aggressive form of pancreatic cancer, for God’s sake!

Read the rest of this entry (opens in a new window) >>

W. Peter Illiff, who wrote the screenplay for the original 1991 surfing movie, has penned a second instalment, and insists Swayze will return as the bank-robbing surfer Bodhi. He also says Keanu Reeves will return to play the FBI agent sent to track him down. He told US Weekly:

“We always wanted Patrick to return. He’ll definitely be surfing.”

Surfing, you say. Now that’s some comeback for a star who was only recently given months to live after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. But Illif added:

“Things are going well, he’s fighting the good fight.”

Well, that’s all very well, and, after all, no one puts Swayze in the corner. But it certainly is news to Swayze himself, who revealed in a statement that, though he is responding well to treatment, rumours of a him taking part in Point Break 2 are slightly wide of the mark.

These pampered Hollywood stars!

That'd be hard enough for anyone to handle, but not Patrick Swayze. According to those around him, Patrick Swayze is coping bravely with his illness, and is 'determined and enthusiastic' about everything in his path. 

What's more, Patrick Swayze's brother says he still has all his hair. So at least that's something he's got on, say, John Travolta. Allegedly.

Although nobody can really prepare themselves for being diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer, Patrick Swayze is reportedly coping exceptionally well. Perhaps that's because a flipside of this weird living obituary he's going through is that he's receiving thousands of messages of support from friends, family and fans, which must lift his mood. Or maybe it's because Patrick Swayze is a keen student of spiritual texts, which have helped him come to terms in a more universal sense.

Or maybe it's because, since 1990, Patrick Swayze has known that the afterlife mainly involves annoying black female psychics by singing I'm Henry The Eighth I Am again and again in a weird British accent and forcing them to lesbian kiss Demi Moore. Which actually sounds OK.

But for whatever reason, Patrick Swayze is said to be living with his cancer well. Although Patrick Swayze hasn't spoken publicly about the cancer yet – and who can blame him – his family have done so on his behalf. According to eFluxMedia:

"He doesn’t deserve to get this," Patrick’s 81-year-old mother, Patsy, told the National Enquirer. "He just doesn’t deserve it. He’s got such a big heart. He’s been such a good and generous and thoughtful person. It breaks my heart to know he’s suffering. But he bears it and he’s determined to beat this. He’s hanging in there and getting the best treatment he can." … Patrick’s brother, Don Swayze told People magazine the "Ghost" star was "a warrior" and he would keep fighting the cancer. "There have been a lot of rumors swirling that Swayze had lost all of his hair, that he had gotten really gaunt. None of this, says his brother Don, is true."

According to the reports, Patrick Swayze is in the middle for a four-week chemotherapy course, plus he's talking the experimental drug Vatalani and maintaining a high-fat diet to keep his weight up. It's good to see that he's determined to beat his cancer – something that we can attribute to Whoopi Goldberg's constant reminders that she won an Oscar and he didn't.

Read more:

Patrick Swayze's Mother: 'He Doesn’t Deserve It' - eFluxMedia

Up until now Whoopi hadn't been doing so well, only talking about winning an Oscar on the day after the Oscars. But that was before Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer.

You see, Whoopi Goldberg and Patrick Swayze starred together in Ghost, the movie that Whoopi Goldberg won her Oscar for. And yesterday on The View, Whoopi paid tribute to Patrick Swayze by claiming that she wouldn't have won her Oscar if it wasn't for him. Which we're sure will brighten Patrick's day immeasurably, unless he happens to have something more important on his mind at the moment.

Patrick Swayze is in an unthinkably rough situation at the moment. It's one thing to be diagnosed with pancreatic cancer – one of the most vicious, life-destroying cancers there is – and to apparently be given just five weeks to live, but quite another for the media to discovery it and tell everyone.

What's happened – especially now that Patrick Swayze's cancer has been confirmed – is that Patrick Swayze is in the unique position of being able to read all his obituaries before he's even died. Newspapers are running retrospectives on his work and other celebrities are giving teary-eyed confessional tributes to him, and Patrick Swayze's still around to hear them all.

Never mind that nobody's going to write Patrick Swayze's actual obituary once he finally dies without repeating themselves, it's just a little bit, well, weird. But that hasn't stopped Whoopi Goldberg from paying tribute to Patrick Swayze on The View.

Whoopi Goldberg won an Oscar in 1990 – did she mention that before? Has Whoopi Goldberg ever happened to mention that she won an Oscar? Well she did, she won an Oscar even though everybody at the Oscars has obviously forgotten all about it – for Ghost. Ghost was, of course, a Patrick Swayze film, and Whoopi Goldberg maintains that she wouldn't have won her Oscar without Swayze's help, as BBC News reports:

Goldberg said Swayze, 55, told director Jerry Zucker: "I'm not making this movie unless you put Whoopi in there." The actress was speaking on US talk show The View. She became a co-host on the programme last year. Goldberg said she had not spoken to Swayze about his health but added: "We want you to feel better – we'll talk soon, I hope."

That's probably not entirely true – after her Oscar snub for The Colour Purple, Whoopi Goldberg would have probably won an Oscar if one of her next films was Meet The Spartans – but you can't blame her for wanting to pay tribute to Patrick Swayze, even though it might be a bit more traditional if she'd actually let him die first.

Anyway, join us next week when Whoopi Goldberg somehow manages to shoehorn a mention of her Oscar win into a serious discussion about the prevalence of institutionalised infanticide in China.

Read more:

Goldberg thanks Swayze for Oscar – BBC