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Kiefer Sutherland

The Day Kiefer Sutherland Lost His Mind

by hecklerspray staff

Kiefer Sutherland, we used to think you were cool. We thought you were a good guy. We thought you knew right from wrong. Good from bad. But you have forsaken us, Kiefer.

And why we shall never know. But, we do know that we can never forgive you. We can never look at you in the same way. For you are to direct the musical poo poo that is The Feeling in their next video. Say it ain’t so, Keef. Say it ain’t so. This is disgusting. We want to puke up our innards and then eat them just so we can puke them up again.

“Frontman Dan Gillespie-Sells revealed to The Sun that the 24 star is a fan of theirs, and gets where the band “are coming from”. He added: “We make time for each other and whenever he comes to London we meet for a drink.”

He gets where they’re coming from? What? London? Even if he told us to come and fill his little world right up with nonsense it couldn’t be possible to make more non-sense.

Kiefer Sutherland, we used to think you were cool. We thought you were a good guy. We thought you knew right from wrong. Good from bad. But you have forsaken us, Kiefer. And why we shall never know. But, we do know that we can never forgive you. We can never look at you in the same way. For you are to direct the musical poo poo that is The Feeling in their next video. Say it ain’t so, Keef. Say it ain’t so. This is disgusting. We want to puke up our innards and then eat them just so we can puke them up again. “Frontman Dan Gillespie-Sells revealed to The Sun that the 24 star is a fan of theirs, and gets where the band "are coming from". He added: "We make time for each other and whenever he comes to London we meet for a drink." He gets where they’re coming from? What? London? Even if he told us to come and fill his little world right up with nonsense it couldn’t be possible to make more non-sense.
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24 Creator Hangs Up His Terrorist-Killing Boots

by C J Davies

Ah, 24. We’ve had some good times over the years.

Remember when main character Jack Bauer became hopelessly addicted to heroin and ended a series crying in utter self-loathing? Boy, that was a chuckle and a half. And that bit when a supermarket full of people were told that they were all going to die from a hideous new virus, and that the best way out was to swallow the cyanide pills that were being handed around? Fun, fun, fun.

Anyone who shares these sentiments may want to shed a tear, however, because it looks like – after seven-and-a-bit years of boss-killing, suspect-beheading, nuclear-bomb-crashing and whispering in a hushed grimace – 24 co-creator Joel Surnow reckons that he’s taken the acting skills of Kiefer Sutherland roughly about as far as he can.

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Not Much Chit-Chat for Kiefer Sutherland Behind Bars

by hecklerspray staff

Have you ever wondered how much time it really takes to cultivate a parent child relationship? If you have, then you are probably not one of Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan’s parental units (insert rim shot here).

At any rate, the answer is 14 minutes. 14 minutes every three days, in fact. We know because that’s how long Donald Sutherland says he was allowed to talk to his son Kiefer Sutherland when Kiefer was in the slammer for drunkity driving all around town.

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Kiefer Sutherland Finally Out Of Jail

by Stuart Heritage

When a celebrity goes to jail, they tend to only spend about a tenth of a single traumatic nanosecond banged up – but not Kiefer Sutherland.

Kiefer Sutherland was released from jail just a few hours ago, having served all 48 of his 48-day sentence for DUI. And, now he’s out, Kiefer Sutherland gets to wear his ‘full sentence served’ badge like a war medal around his prematurely-released ex-con celebrity counterparts.

Obviously the only celebrity other than Kiefer Sutherland to serve their full sentence recently was Paris Hilton. We think this means that Kiefer will end up painted gold in a desert for a canned champagne advert soon or something.

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Kiefer Sutherland Banged Up

by Stuart Heritage

Dear stereotypical Islamic terrorists, you might want to think about launching a harebrained, not entirely convincing terrorist attack on Los Angeles sometime within the next 48 days.

Why? Because it’s literally the only chance you’ll have of doing it without Jack Bauer chasing you, shooting you, kicking you out of the back of trains and never ever urinating not even once. That’s right – Kiefer Sutherland is in jail. Yesterday Kiefer Sutherland was sentenced to 48 days in jail following his DUI arrest earlier this year, and then immediately started his sentence. And, unlike Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or Nicole Richie, Kiefer Sutherland is expected to complete his jail sentence in full, something that Kiefer would have probably avoided if he’d thought to release an ill-judged pop CD, star in a terrible reality TV show or go without underwear when getting out of cars now and then.

Dear stereotypical Islamic terrorists, you might want to think about launching a harebrained, not entirely convincing terrorist attack on Los Angeles sometime within the next 48 days. Why? Because it's literally the only chance you'll have of doing it without Jack Bauer chasing you, shooting you, kicking you out of the back of trains and never ever urinating not even once. That's right - Kiefer Sutherland is in jail. Yesterday Kiefer Sutherland was sentenced to 48 days in jail following his DUI arrest earlier this year, and then immediately started his sentence. And, unlike Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or Nicole Richie, Kiefer Sutherland is expected to complete his jail sentence in full, something that Kiefer would have probably avoided if he'd thought to release an ill-judged pop CD, star in a terrible reality TV show or go without underwear when getting out of cars now and then.
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