Dear stereotypical Islamic terrorists, you might want to think about launching a harebrained, not entirely convincing terrorist attack on Los Angeles sometime within the next 48 days.
Why? Because it's literally the only chance you'll have of doing it without Jack Bauer chasing you, shooting you, kicking you out of the back of trains and never ever urinating not even once. That's right – Kiefer Sutherland is in jail. Yesterday Kiefer Sutherland was sentenced to 48 days in jail following his DUI arrest earlier this year, and then immediately started his sentence. And, unlike Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or Nicole Richie, Kiefer Sutherland is expected to complete his jail sentence in full, something that Kiefer would have probably avoided if he'd thought to release an ill-judged pop CD, star in a terrible reality TV show or go without underwear when getting out of cars now and then.
What with the writers' strike still trudging along in Hollywood, season seven of 24 has been delayed indefinitely. And without a day job that involves blowing up the bloke from Babe on an oil platform or watching Little Lord Fauntleroy get blinded by a bomb, it's not like Kiefer Sutherland had anything particularly interesting to do anyway, so that's why he's in jail.
OK, technically the reason why Kiefer Sutherland is in jail is because he was arrested for drink-driving in September, capping off an impressively irresponsible run of four arrests for exactly the same thing, but you get the idea. And yesterday Kiefer Sutherland had to face the music.
At 5:30pm local time, just two hours after his 48-day jail sentence was confirmed in court, Kiefer Sutherland turned up to Glendale City Jail to begin his sentence. And, in typical fashion, not even the prison officers could stop themselves falling in love with adorable Mr Sutherland – like jail spokesman Officer John Balian, who said:
"Mr. Sutherland is very polite and humble. He was very cooperative during the booking process."
Spending 48 days in jail should be a breeze for Kiefer Sutherland, though. Like other celebrities, he'll be spending his sentence alone in a two-man cell and will get to move about the prison freely doing laundry and kitchen duties for the duration of his time inside. All that plus Kiefer should get the chance to brush up on his torturing skills each time a nonce tries to attack him from behind with a pebble in a sock.
But it won't all be fun fun fun. The timing of Kiefer's sentencing is terrible because it strips the world of one of the most-loved yuletide traditions, the sight of Kiefer Sutherland attacking a Christmas tree with his entire body. That's like Christmas without Santa or figgy pudding or that slightly disappointed feeling when you open presents that you don't want.
The biggest problem, however, will come after Kiefer Sutherland is released from jail. Once the 24 writers come back off strike, they're going to have to quickly work out a way to explain how Jack Bauer came to get a spidery tattoo reading 'I Love Glendale Prison Dec 07' scrawled all across his face two-thirds of the way through a telephone conversation with Chloe O'Brian.
Read more:
duneating says
oh and how we would love to see Kiefer getting out of a car without his underwear on………mmmmmm