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House

50 Cent Still To Call Smoke-Damaged Son After House Fire

by Stuart Heritage

Typical – first 50 Cent releases an album and it’s upstaged by Kanye West’s album, and now his house fire’s been upstaged by the Universal Studios fire.

Not that a little thing like the Back To The Future clocktower burning down will stop people from being curious about the 50 Cent house fire, though – especially as it came right in the middle of an ugly public feud between 50 Cent and his ex-girlfriend Shaniqua Tompkins, who was living in the house at the time.

And now the mystery has got a little deeper, because Tompkins is claiming that 50 Cent hasn’t bothered to call their 10-year-old son Marquise after the fire, even though he was treated for smoke inhalation. But you know what they say – better to have no contact at all than to record a mawkish vom-inducing Eminem-style ‘Daddy loves you’ track about it.

Typical - first 50 Cent releases an album and it's upstaged by Kanye West's album, and now his house fire's been upstaged by the Universal Studios fire. Not that a little thing like the Back To The Future clocktower burning down will stop people from being curious about the 50 Cent house fire, though - especially as it came right in the middle of an ugly public feud between 50 Cent and his ex-girlfriend Shaniqua Tompkins, who was living in the house at the time. And now the mystery has got a little deeper, because Tompkins is claiming that 50 Cent hasn't bothered to call their 10-year-old son Marquise after the fire, even though he was treated for smoke inhalation. But you know what they say - better to have no contact at all than to record a mawkish vom-inducing Eminem-style 'Daddy loves you' track about it.
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Someone Burns Down 50 Cent’s House, Probably

by Stuart Heritage

Just a hunch, but we imagine that 50 Cent’s next album will be called Switch Off Your Electrical Appliances At Night Or Suffer Smoke Inhalation Trying.

That’s because 50 Cent’s house has just spectacularly and completely burnt to the ground. But don’t worry – 50 Cent is fine. The house that burnt down wasn’t the house he lives in, just the house that his ex-girlfriend and their 10-year-old son live in. Phew! Panic over.

They’re both OK as well, by the way – but that hasn’t stopped a fireman calling the blaze ‘suspicious’, not least because 50 Cent has been trying to evict his ex-girlfriend and son from the property for a while now. Still, if we know anything about the hip-hop community, it’s that it’s full ofexemplary citizens who like nothing more than to cooperate with potentially criminal investigations by the authorities.

Just a hunch, but we imagine that 50 Cent's next album will be called Switch Off Your Electrical Appliances At Night Or Suffer Smoke Inhalation Trying. That's because 50 Cent's house has just spectacularly and completely burnt to the ground. But don't worry - 50 Cent is fine. The house that burnt down wasn't the house he lives in, just the house that his ex-girlfriend and their 10-year-old son live in. Phew! Panic over. They're both OK as well, by the way - but that hasn't stopped a fireman calling the blaze 'suspicious', not least because 50 Cent has been trying to evict his ex-girlfriend and son from the property for a while now. Still, if we know anything about the hip-hop community, it's that it's full ofexemplary citizens who like nothing more than to cooperate with potentially criminal investigations by the authorities.
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America’s Next Top Model Of A $500,000 Lawsuit

by Shawn Lindseth

The life of a fashion model is one filled with the finest linens, using three spoons per meal and luxury supersonic jets whisking them away to the closest reaches of outer space.

Sometimes it also includes seeing cement walls, and being comforted with the knowledge your fist could slide right through it given the chance. Remember when Naomi Campbell did that? Did she do that? Honestly – the walk-enhancing steroids they probably all take have a massive temperamental side effect. That’s why models are like that.

Campbell’s not the only fashion model sometimes mistaken for hurricane Katrina – the up and comers on America’s Next Top Model are apparently destructive too. That’s precisely why their landlord is currently suing them.

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Heidi Klum Wants To Fix Britney Spears Single-Handedly

by Stuart Heritage

Britney Spears has been through a living hell this year – a living hell that only Seal and his missus can properly fix.

It doesn’t matter that Britney Spears is now being looked after by her family and seems to be making inroads into overcoming whatever problems she’s suffered from, because it’s fairly obvious that Britney Spears would receive far better treatment from a supermodel she’s probably never met and her balladeering husband.

Which is why Heidi Klum has invited Britney Spears to come and live with her, either until Britney’s completely better or until Heidi’s children get so freaked out by Britney constantly rubbing herself and muttering in confusing British accents that they promise not to keep taking mummy for granted so much.

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Awesome Or Off-Putting: Jennie Wade’s Haunted House

by Shawn Lindseth

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

This week: Ghosts/Myths

The Battle of Gettysburg was just what it sounds like – a military battle that took place in Gettysburg, PA. Surely you’re familiar with it – Abraham Lincoln, Slavery, the Gettysburg Address… you know what we’re talking about, right? Well in that battle probably millions of bullets flew.

Despite the massive quantities of metal whizzing all around, only one civilian died in the mess – Jennie Wade. She was making bread for some union troops when she was struck down. The house where she died is considered ‘officially haunted,’ by some groups allowed to dish out titles like that.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. This week: Ghosts/Myths The Battle of Gettysburg was just what it sounds like - a military battle that took place in Gettysburg, PA. Surely you're familiar with it - Abraham Lincoln, Slavery, the Gettysburg Address... you know what we're talking about, right? Well in that battle probably millions of bullets flew. Despite the massive quantities of metal whizzing all around, only one civilian died in the mess - Jennie Wade. She was making bread for some union troops when she was struck down. The house where she died is considered 'officially haunted,' by some groups allowed to dish out titles like that.
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Reporter Bust Generally Confirms Angelina Jolie’s Pregnancy

by Stuart Heritage

Forget bloating stomachs and tender boobies – the only way we’ll ever know if Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins or not is if reporters start getting arrested near her house.

What’s that? A reporter has been arrested near Angelina Jolie’s house? Then the prophesies are true – Angelina Jolie is going to be a mother again!

Either that or she and Brad Pitt just enjoy trying to lock up anyone who tries to get too close to them for free. But, screw it, let’s just go with the pregnancy thing.

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Flea’s House Gets Red Hot & Burns Down

by Stuart Heritage

It looks like the latest wildfires to hit California might be an act of God, in which case we can assume that God dislikes the Red Hot Chili Peppers almost as much as we do.

That’s because Flea, the man responsible for all of the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ interminable bass solos, is the highest-profile victim of the wildfires that swept through Malibu this weekend. According to Flea himself, his $4.8 million Malibu mansion has been “burnt to a crisp.” It’s a tragic situation for Flea to be in, because not only was he forced to witness the total destruction of his house, but he’s now also been forced into emergency accommodation in the form of the other $10 million mansion he also owns in Malibu. We sense the next Red Hot Chili Peppers album might be quite heavy on the bass-led ballads about how crap it is to only have one multi-million dollar Malibu mansion instead of two, you know.

It looks like the latest wildfires to hit California might be an act of God, in which case we can assume that God dislikes the Red Hot Chili Peppers almost as much as we do. That's because Flea, the man responsible for all of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' interminable bass solos, is the highest-profile victim of the wildfires that swept through Malibu this weekend. According to Flea himself, his $4.8 million Malibu mansion has been "burnt to a crisp." It's a tragic situation for Flea to be in, because not only was he forced to witness the total destruction of his house, but he's now also been forced into emergency accommodation in the form of the other $10 million mansion he also owns in Malibu. We sense the next Red Hot Chili Peppers album might be quite heavy on the bass-led ballads about how crap it is to only have one multi-million dollar Malibu mansion instead of two, you know.
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