Britney Spears has been through a living hell this year – a living hell that only Seal and his missus can properly fix.
It doesn't matter that Britney Spears is now being looked after by her family and seems to be making inroads into overcoming whatever problems she's suffered from, because it's fairly obvious that Britney Spears would receive far better treatment from a supermodel she's probably never met and her balladeering husband.
Which is why Heidi Klum has invited Britney Spears to come and live with her, either until Britney's completely better or until Heidi's children get so freaked out by Britney constantly rubbing herself and muttering in confusing British accents that they promise not to keep taking mummy for granted so much.
It's a well-known fact that Heidi Klum doesn't have blood running through her veins, but pure white healing light. There is literally nothing that Heidi Klum won't do for her fellow man. If you ask Heidi Klum for money, she'll definitely give it to you and maybe more, if the way she took pity on poor old scar-faced Seal off the Space Jam soundtrack and let him do it with her until she got pregnant is anything to go by.
There's no doubt at the moment that the person most in need of a dose of Heidi Klum's philanthropic goodness is Britney Spears. She's been through so much, and nothing has really succeeded in helping her. Britney Spears got her kids taken away and that didn't make her better, Britney Spears ended up living in a padded cell and that didn't make her better – not even the time-honoured practise of mashing anti-psychotic drugs into her food could make Britney Spears better.
Now it looks as if the short-leash conservatorship approach taken by her father is slowly helping Britney Spears to understand the magnitude of her problems, but in the eyes of some that's still not enough. Britney Spears, they say, will stay damaged until she goes to live with Heidi Klum for a while.
And by 'the eyes of some' we mean 'the eyes of Heidi Klum' as the Associated Press reports:
Heidi Klum wants to help Britney Spears. The 34-year-old model says she'd be willing to open her home to Spears while the troubled pop singer puts her life back together. "She can call me and come live in our house with us for a couple of months," said Klum, a mother of three who is married to the singer Seal and lives in Beverly Hills, Calif. "I would help set her straight. I am sorry when a young person gets thrown so off track," Klum said, according to a transcript of an interview that will be aired Monday night by the German broadcaster ARD. "She has, of course, lived an extremely wild life."
This stunning level of altruism has inspired everyone at hecklerspray to follow Heidi Klum's lead and help other people, too – next time we hear of a young person in crisis, we're going to do as Heidi did and open our doors to them. Also like Heidi did, we won't offer the troubled youngster help directly, but we'll mention it in passing in a language that they don't even speak on a TV show broadcast in a country that they wouldn't even be able to find on a map.
Heidi Klum's our hero. Really, she's like the Pope or Bono or something.
Read more:
Joke Police says
I can’t read this story. I can only look at the picture.
Nurse!