After being strongly advised that the only way she wouldn't lose her kids was to attend yesterday's custody hearing, it's been reported that Britney Spears turned up to court four hours late, circled the building a few times and went home, rubberstamping the loss of her children for the next month in the process.
But never mind Britney Spears – where does her semi-appearance leave our 'arse out' promise from yesterday? One cheek? Do you get one cheek? We're so confused.
Now let this be a lesson to all you young mothers – if you want to see your kids, perhaps it's not the best idea to barricade yourself topless in a bathroom with them and swear a lot until you're eventually taken to the brain hospital on a stretcher.
Just ask Britney Spears – that's what she did almost a fortnight ago and now she can't see her children at all for a month. Yesterday saw the bazillionth Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline custody hearing take place, but it was an especially important one for Britney Spears because the general consensus was that Britney needed to show up to the court and argue her case to be able to retain some amount of visitation with Sean Preston and Jayden James. But if Britney Spears didn't show up, then the court commissioner, Kevin Federline and all the lawyers could giggle about her behind her back and stamp out visitation indefinitely.
So yesterday Britney Spears showed up to court. Admittedly she showed up four hours late and didn't actually make her way to the hearing itself at any point, but at least that's more effort than she made promoting her new album. The LA Times reports on yesterday's Britney kerfuffle:
Spears traveled today to the civil courthouse downtown, where Commissioner Scott M. Gordon was hearing testimony in the child custody battle for her two sons with ex-husband Kevin Federline. But after circling the courthouse, Spears stopped, got out of her black sport utility vehicle and surveyed the crowd of cameras and reporters, then got back in and apparently headed home.
And, since Britney wasn't there to explain why she locked herself in the bathroom with her children in just a pair of knickers and then told a policeman that she wouldn't put any clothes on because she's "fucking hot," the commissioner had no choice but to ban Britney Spears from seeing her kids until at least February 19.
It's at this point that we traditionally cross our fingers and hope that this custody blow will finally convince Britney Spears to take a hard look at herself and seek out the long-term help that she obviously needs but, really, what's the point? Britney has lost her kids before and that didn't change things, so how will this make any difference? Honestly, unless something happens that shakes Britney Spears badly enough to get treatment, there's probably only one way this will end.
But, hey, who's to say that letting her kids spend a month alone with Kevin Federline isn't the massive shock that Britney Spears needs? After all, if our infant children returned to us after a month away with cornrowed hair, bizarre eyepatches and a bunch of dope rhymes about Pavarotti, then we'd be pretty bloody shocked as well.