If they followed the rules, then Girls Aloud would have split up three years ago, with one of them having a marginally successful solo career, three of them ending up as reality TV show fodder and the fifth one disappearing from sight and porking out a bit. The rules suggest that this would be the ginger one.

But, hey, better late than never – turns out that everyone in Girls Aloud hates Nadine so much that they might be splitting up.

For a manufactured girlband from a reality TV show, Girls Aloud have shown incredible longevity in their career, and this is down to all of them having clearly identifiable personalities. For example, there’s the skinny blonde one, the skinny brunette one, the skinny ginger one, the skinny Irish one and, um, whoever’s left.

There are several other reasons why Girls Aloud haven’t split up yet, too, including the facts that a) one of them is always in the papers because her footballer husband apparently vomited WKD down a slag’s tits during intercourse, b) they’ve got a sonic magician for a producer and c) the one who can sing hasn’t worked out that she’d make more money as a solo artist.

Except she might have done. According to the News Of The World, Girls Aloud are dangerously close to splitting up because dear old Nadine Coyle can’t decide if she wants to be in the group or not and everyone hates her for it:

A close friend of Kimberley, who used to be Nadine’s best pal, told me: “The other four can’t stand her these days because they feel her heart isn’t in the band. Cheryl and Kimberley are now best friends, which Nadine has found quite hurtful. She’s become very distant and seems to resent the time she has to spend in London away from her new base in LA. Getting her to show up for things can be very difficult.”

It’s easy to see why this has happened – all of Girls Aloud have found other things to do with their time in recent years. Cheryl Cole is now contractually obliged to appear on a TV show once a week and cry whenever a crap-haired barefoot idiot gets voted out and a boy who looks like four kilos of meat pate stuffed into a pair of old lady’s tights hugs her, Kimberley seems like she’s contractually obliged to turn up on the same show every third week and do the same and the other two are… well, look, let’s not pretend that anyone cares about the other two, shall we?

But it’s Nadine who’s made the biggest leap – she’s been in LA ever since she got a taste of the limelight by kissing the boy mannequin from Desperate Housewives until he turned to drink, so no wonder everyone else is having trouble getting her to spend her summer weekends miming Love Machine in Bognor Regis sandwiched on a bill between McFly and The Hoosiers for the benefit of Alexa Titting Chung.

However, we should look on the bright side here – stories about Girls Aloud splitting up roll along every year like clockwork, so we shouldn’t take this news too seriously. The worst case scenario is that Nadine Coyle will leave Girls Aloud and the other four will plough on without her. And that’s not so bad.

After all, when Geri Halliwell left the Spice Girls, they still managed to release one badly-selling album. And when Kym left Hear’Say they still managed to release one badly-selling single. And when Paul Cattermole left S Club 7 they still managed to release one badly-selling album and one barely-watched film so, um…

On the plus side, we hear Matalan is hiring.

Read more:

Girls Alone – News Of The World

Well, you’ll never guess what he thinks of them.

In an interview with The Today Show, Brad Pitt has announced that he hates the paparazzi, but he loves his family. Steady on there, Brad – much more of this controversial ‘good things are good and bad things are bad’ talk and there’s a decent chance that you’ll end up literally melting our mind. What? You like your family? That’s literally crazy. Video after the jump.

We’re starting to think that Brad Pitt is a lost cause. The poor man just doesn’t know how to promote a movie. Later this month, Brad’s new film The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button is released, and it looks like it could be one of the best films of the year. Or at least it would be if Brad Pitt could sell the ruddy thing convincingly.

Now, if Angelina Jolie was the star of Benjamin Button it’d be a different story. She’d be rolling out stories of how many weapons her children have and how much she hates Jennifer Aniston and seeing how many babies she could clip onto each tit and the end result would be, well, nobody would watch the movie because it’d be an Angelina Jolie movie and nobody’s that mental, but at least there would be loads of headlines about her. Sometimes that’s enough.

But Brad Pitt? His promotion of Benjamin Button is just wildly dull. It started badly – with a dreary anecdote about his kids – and now it’s inexplicably managed to get worse. Brad Pitt has been interviewed by The Today Show, and the two main thrusts of the outcome are that a) Brad Pitt loves his kids and b) Brad Pitt doesn’t love the paparazzi. First the quotes and then the video:

“I’m really proud of this family. I look at my sons and my daughters – one is from Vietnam, one is from Cambodia, one is from Ethiopia and here are these kids who were born in Namibia and in France, and they’re brothers and sisters… Truly, I feel rich being around them. Each one of them offers so much to the mix.”

“Let me be very blunt, I hate them. I hate these people. I don’t understand how they do that for a living. We have to make a distinction between people who photograph celebrities at events and people who climb over walls wearing camouflage… calling out your kids’ names as you try to take them to school so they’ll look that way. I have no respect for these people. There should be laws against it.”

Really Brad Pitt? You hate the paparazzi? We would have never guessed – all this time we thought you were ordering your security to hug them when they got too close. Hug them hard. By the neck.

Anyway, we can sort of see Brad Pitt’s point here – his family does deserve a base amount of privacy from time to time, if only because it’d keep them out of the poxy magazines once in a while – but come on, you’re promoting a film here! Can’t you dredge up some kind of huge inappropriately personal aspect of your life and endlessly drone on about that instead?

Jesus, it’s almost like Brad Pitt wants his potentially Oscar-winning movie to be judged on its merits or something. That’s literally disgusting.

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