by Paul Sorrenti
George Lucas has touched more boys than any other man.
If you happened to have been a boy between 1977 and now then chances are George Lucas has manipulated you in a vulnerable area.
You probably have tapes of the event, graphic reminders of the day Lucas sucked you in. You may find you regularly meet up with similarly touched boys, sharing your life-shattering experiences as some kind of therapy.
What we are alluding to here is that George Lucas is a mass paedophile. No, that’s only a joke suggesting an innocent man is a paedophile, haha, he isn’t; it is of course the hearts and minds of boys that he has manipulated, which is fine, and it seems future generations are in for it too, as George has said he’d like to make Indiana Jones 5 – with Shia Labouef as the lead.
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by hecklerspray staff
Archaeologists have made a stunning discovery.
After weeks of carefully sifting through piles of rubbish, they came across a fossil that they saw as another useless dinosaur, but wait! It’s not just a useless dinosaur; it’s a useless dinosaur with an earring! It must be Harrison Ford. The discovery was confirmed by the presence of a frail skeleton next to the fossil that was classified as ‘the old dinosaur’s girlfriend, Calista Flockhart’.
All of this excitement has prompted the American Archaeological Society to put Harrison Ford on the board of directors. So, we may be a bit fuzzy on the details, but the board of directors thing is forreals.
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