Mid-January is always depressing – back at work, broke from Christmas, fat from Christmas, surrounded by grey skies.
What could cheer us up? Oh, we know! What about Forbes magazine printing a great big list of all the celebrity couples who make more money in a day than any of us will ever see across the duration of our entire lives? Great! But only if it comes with splashy headlines about how Jay-Z and Beyonce earnt $122 million last year, though! We won’t be happy unless our noses really get rubbed in it!
What? That list exists? Jay-Z and Beyonce really did earn $122 million in a year? Why, Forbes magazine, you’re even better than Father Christmas! Please don’t start ignoring us like he did, though.
Look at Jay-Z and Beyonce. Sure, they’re two of the most famous people on the planet. Sure, they could record themselves farting into an eggcup and end up getting swamped by platinum records. Sure Beyonce is still being taken seriously as an actress despite only making hokey Fatal Attraction rip-offs with Stringer Bell and the annoying one from Heroes. Sure they’re incredibly wealthy. But ask yourself this – does all the money make Jay-Z and Beyonce happy?
Probably, yes, because they’re so rich. And even if they’re not happy, they can always go out and buy puppies and cakes and loads of Scalextic, and that’ll make them happy. Happy happy happy, that’s Jay-Z and Beyonce.
In fact, why don’t you just take a minute from completing that spreadsheet in your grey, strip-lit office next to the noisy eater and the woman who won’t stop telling you about her children, and just think about exactly how happy Jay-Z and Beyonce must be with all their money at this precise moment in time? Done it? Wow, aren’t they just so much happier than you?
Anyway, this is all just a roundabout way of telling you that Forbes magazine has just named Jay-Z and Beyonce the highest-earning couple in Hollywood. Look:
The couple… oversee clothing lines, perform around the world and endorse products from companies like American Express and Budweiser. All that hard work has paid off. Between June 2008 and June 2009 the couple earned a combined $122 million putting them squarely at the top of our annual Top-Earning Couples list.
Now it’d be incredibly annoying for us to destroy your spirit even further by breaking down Jay-Z and Beyonce’s $122 million salary to tell you that it means they earn $10,116,666 a month or $2,346,153 a week, or $334,246 a day or $13,926 an hour or $232 a minute or $3.80 a second. So we won’t do that.
Instead, let’s look at who Forbes magazine picked as its second-highest earning couple of the year – Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart. Now, Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart don’t share as much of an even split as Jay-Z and Beyonce, with most of their $69 million total coming from Harrison’s role in the last Indiana Jones movie. But don’t be fooled into thinking that it’s all Ford’s money – we heard that Calista sold a roll of unused wallpaper on eBay last November and that has to count for some of it, right?