Y’know rich, successful, universally adored and fancied Gwen Stefani? She’s not happy with her life. See, despite the fact that, now she’s single, she could do as she damn well pleases with whoever she goddamn wants to, she’s not liking the fact she’s a woman.

Poor Gwen. With those lovely woman boobs and lack of disgusting man-penis.

When Stefani comes back in the next life – which won’t happen because reincarnation absolutely doesn’t exist – she would like to come back as a human man.

She said:

“Until now I had two serious relationships. And one of the men I married!”

But has she missed out, what with having all that marriage?

“Absolutely not. A while ago a friend told me she dates two men simultaneously. That really blew me away! But in my next life I’m gonna come back as a man and behave like a bitch!”

She wants to come back as a man, but behave like a woman with two boyfriends?

Fine, whatever. If rumours are true that she’s splitting up with Gavin Rossdale (and you would totally dump him – have you heard Bush’s records? Exactly), then why doesn’t she stop this whole ‘waiting for reincarnation’ thing and just slag it up like the rest of us?

Well. Those of us lucky enough to attract other humans in a sexual way.

Either way, Gwen hasn’t learned her lesson at all and has a firm idea of what she finds appealing in a man. She is only attracted to people who are creative. Apparently, creative men are…

“super sexy”

Or, if you prefer ‘untrustworthy, impractical tramps’. Whatever floats your boat Gwen.

WAIT A MINUTE! SHE’S CALLED GWEN! WHAT IS SHE?! SOME KIND OF ’50s WELSH MINER’S WIFE? Sheesh. Can’t believe we only just noticed that.

The pop industry has a lot to answer for.

It has created a lot of monsters. Simon Cowell and Kerry Katona spring to mind immediately. But female pop stars are not all talentless bints who clutter up newspapers and snarky entertainment sites (thanks for that) with their inane chatter and their lady bits.

Some of them look nice too. In fact, some of them are incredibly sexy. Oh, and some of them can sing too – but not that many.

So, in the latest excuse to comb the internet for sexy pictures of girls, Hecklerspray has decided to gather up the sexiest ones and come up with a purely subjective running order. As always, please feel free to let us know what you think. Enjoy.

26. Ciara

Has an album called Fantasy Ride. We could not have put it better ourselves.

25. Fergie


“I have had lesbian experiences in the past. I won’t say how many men I’ve had sex with — but I am a very sexual person.” The case rests.

24. Christina Aguilera

A dirrrty, dirrrty girl.

23. Britney Spears

Everyone’s favourite nut.

22. Heidi from Sugababes

Will always be remembered as ‘the fit one from the Sugababes’.

21. Katy Perry

Do you think we are so easily won over by her releasing a song about her kissing a girl? Probably. Pathetic, isn’t it?

20. Madonna

Old vinegar tits must be glad all that hard work doesn’t go to waste. But for how long?

19. Shakira

Mad as a box of snakes, but undeniably sexy.

18. Rihanna

Even managed to make umbrellas sexy. Ella, ella…

17. Leona Lewis

The only good thing Simon Cowell has ever done.

16. Sarah Harding

The party girl of Girls Aloud has a filthy mouth and drinks like a fish. Now that is perfect.

15. Nelly Furtado

Her music stinks, but, who cares? Just turn down the sound and watch the video instead.

14. Gwen Stefani

Well, she gives us a Stefani. OK, so it was a terrible joke.

13. Lily Allen

Annoying, pathetic, talentless bitch – but you would, wouldn’t you?

12. Rachel Stevens

We were told the other day the very sexy S Club star is still producing albums. Who knew?

11. Jessica Simpson

She has her knockers, but despite being dumber than a headless ox, Jessica Simpson, errr, has great knockers.

10. Hilary Duff

There are a lot of Duff things about Hilary, but her body is not one of them.

9. Natalie Imbruglia

Neighbours was never the same after she left.

8. J-Lo

Another horrible human being, but could you resist that arse?

7. Alizee

One of the few good things to come out of France.

6. Nicole Scherzinger

The leader of The Pussycat Dolls and the girlfriend of Formula One world champion Lewis Hamilton, but don’t hold that against her.

5. Alicia Keys

So sexy we have even forgiven her for the James Bond track. Almost.

4. Christina Milian

Simply stunning.

3. Kylie

Good things come in small packages. They don’t get much finer than Kylie.

2. Cheryl Cole

Famous for beating up toilet attendants, marrying a complete tit and, most importantly, being the sexiest member of Girls Aloud. Which is no mean feat.

1. Beyonce

Possibly the sexiest thing on two legs.

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Gwen Stefani has gone and done what everyone else in the world of celeb-o-vision has been doing recently.

Yes, she’s had a baby with that bloke from over here. You know, that one who used to be semi-famous for that one song his band did. Gavin… something. From Bush.

Anyway, whoever he is and Gwen Stefani have had another child, and they’ve named him after a brand of soft drink or something – Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale.

What about John? Why not John Rossdale? Or Gavin, like his dad? That’s a normal name. The poor thing’s just being set up for a lifetimr of bullying.

Though we suppose the incredibly wealthy upbringing, rockstar/king of cool mum and… err… “rock” “star” dad will help soften the blow somewhat. Plus brother Kingston will be able to stick up for his little brother, as he is both older and has a better name, even if it isn’t David.

A statement was released to the press from the family, stating in a statementy fashion:

“Kingston, Gwen and Gavin Rossdale welcomed the newest member of their family. Mother, baby and family are all happy and healthy.”

We hoped for something more spectacular, but to be fair they were probably hard at work thinking of what to name the little bugger.

It’s not like that’s a name that could have been pre-planned – we simply wouldn’t place Gwen Stefani as being that cruel a person.

Gavin Rossdale! That’s the one! Ahem…

One good thing to come from all of these recent celeb births is that we have the potential to watch an unfolding social experiment over the course of years.

Which kids will end up in rehab? Which will eclipse their parents? Will we see a new Brat Pack? Will they be in a John Hughes film? What’s Judd Nelson doing right now?

Sorry, got a bit carried away there. Nevertheless, we hope our friends at Paddy Power will get involved in the odds-making. Fifty quid on Kingston and Zuma being more famous than their dad – though we do reckon the odds on that are about 1-400.

While we are happy that we’ve got yet another celeb-o-birth that has managed to avoid a giant amount of fanfare, we can’t help but feel let down for the amount of quotage we’ve been provided. How are we supposed to successfully pad out an article if you’re only going to release a two sentence statement? It means we have to resort to quotes like this, as reported by Channel 4 News:

“Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale was born in Los Angeles on Thursday afternoon, weighing in at 8lb 8oz (3.9kg).”

Which really doesn’t work too well. Though it does remind us that the poor little blighter is called Zuma – but, to be fair to him, he can just make people call him Rock. It is his name, after all.

In a few months' time, there are going to be billions of little celebrity babies running around and screaming and crapping themselves, and that'll partly be Gwen Stefani's fault.

Because, in what seems like the millionth case of celebrity knocking-up lately, Gwen Stefani has apparently confirmed that she's 13 weeks pregnant with her second baby. By our calculations, that means that Gwen Stefani fell pregnant on October 23 – with experts suggesting that the new Stefani baby was the product of commemorative lovemaking to mark the sixth anniversary of the Chenchen Moscow Theatre Siege.

Well, we're suggesting it anyway. And we're sort of experts. Right?

Right, that's it – the next female celebrity to fall pregnant is going to get a really nasty kick in the shins, because we're getting really narked off with it now. Jessica Alba is pregnant, Halle Berry is pregnant, Christina Aguilera and Nicole Richie just had babies, Nicole Kidman is pregnant, Jennifer Lopez is pregnant. Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins, for God's sake. Who does that leave? The old lady off Emmerdale, Eva Longoria and Des Lynam, that's who.

And now Gwen Stefani's at it, too. Even though she was only pregnant about five minutes ago, Gwen Stefani has decided to confirm that she's pregnant again with her second baby. The Sun reports:

Gwen Stefani has confirmed she is 13 weeks pregnant with bambino number two. The former No Doubt star and rocker husband Gavin Rossdale are chuffed about having a brother or sister for their lad Kingston, one. A source said: "They found out at California’s Cedars-Sinai hospital and couldn’t wait to share the news with everyone."

OK, maybe it was a little more than five minutes ago – Gwen Stefani had her last baby, Kingston James McGregor Rossdale, in the summer of 2006, so at least there'll be a two-year age gap between sprogs. And if Gwen Stefani's new baby gets treated like Kingston, then it'll be for a real treat – not only will it get to hang out with the Jolie-Pitt babies but if its really lucky then Gwen Stefani will name some shoes after it.

Unless the baby's a girl, of course, in which case it'll be damned to a childhood of being made to dress up like a vaguely paedophillic Japanese anime schoolgirl from the moon all the time. But we'll cross that path when we come to it.

Best of all, it's been reported that Gwen Stefani will be moving to London to raise the baby, while husband Gavin Rossdale 'brings home the bacon' by recording a solo album and living off the sales of it. So that'll be one piece of bacon he brings home, then. One piece of bacon for four mouths. To last a year.

Still, we're still waiting for actual official confirmation from Gwen Stefani about her pregnancy – or any sort of confirmation that comes from someone other than a nameless source talking to The Sun – and chances are this confirmation will come in the form of a Gwen Stefani song.

After all, she's done it before – her song Don't Get It Twisted was all about when she got pregnant the first time round – so expect a new single out soon called something like Bugger This (I'm Getting You A Vasectomy You Grunge Fool).

Read more:

No Doubt She's Pregnant Again - The Sun