The way he went about this was to go on stage and get his penis out. It’s a classic technique, and one we’ve surely all practiced at some point in our lives. If we have the necessary equipment, of course.

But what happens when you’re pottering about (PUN!) getting your bits out on stage around the same time that the new chapter in a kids film, in which you star, is coming out? Well, kids, Harry Potter 6 gets pushed back eight months, if the wild, rampant and ker-azy speculation is to be believed.

Yes kids – Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince isn’t coming out because of Daniel Radcliffe’s penis. That is one of the greatest sentences we’ve ever had to write, even if it isn’t actually definitely true.

It would appear to be a tale of tail that rings somewhere in the realms of believability, with the original release date for the new Potter film falling smack-dab in the middle of Radcliffe’s run on stage in Equus. Which is, of course, the stage play in which he gets his knob out and has sex.

While it probably isn’t a proper porno – we don’t want to say for definite, we haven’t seen it – it still doesn’t sound like the kind of thing that Warner Bros. would want to associate with the actor on Harry Potter’s release. So it would make sense that this the reason why the film has been put back.

That is along, of course, with the ridiculous money-grabbing notions of the company, who clearly know they can get more money from a summertime cinema release when the kids are off school, bored and parents don’t want to be endlessly pestered so they’ll give them anything – even money for the cinema – to shut them up. The crafty studio berks.

So basically, Harry Potter fans are being shafted non-stop with all these reasons as to why they have to wait for the next installment of the kids film-cum-thing that grown idiots love. Just as there’s some horse-shafting in Daniel Radcliffe’s play. Doesn’t it just make you angry?

At least it means the armies of insane Potter fans have somewhere tangible to aim their anger – right in the face of Radcliffe, though to be honest it’s not really his fault. But we do like to blame people, so let’s all go and burn down his house.

Actually, don’t go burn down his house. We don’t want him running naked through the streets, and that would probably push the release of the film back even further.

But, of course, the main reason for the delay is still clearly money, and it’s one that should make the most ardent fans awaiting Harry Potter 6 want to vomit fire in the faces of the studio execs that made the decision. So, yes – go and do that. That would be something funny to fill hecklerspray’s day.

If you’re an adult that lists the Harry Potter series of films as one of your favourites then you need to be fired. From a cannon. Into the sun. Twice.

Needless to say, the idiots that do like this garbage – that’s ‘kids’ and the aforementioned persons that need to be killed in excessive fashions – will be upset to learn that the newest film, Harry Potter and the Simple Premise Drawn Out For Far Too Long, Thus Making Billions of Dollars, has been pushed back by eight months.

Why? Technical problems? Realising it’s crap? No – to make sure it comes out in the summer when Warner Bros don’t have much else to bring out. In other words: to make more money.

What a lovely, cynical, money-grabbing world we do live in. It makes us feel all gooey inside.

The film, actually titled The Half-Blood Prince, should have opened in November of this year, but evidently studio execs felt it was more prudent to make more money than it was to give their loyal fans what they’ve been promised for so long.

JK Rowling would probably care, but her mansion (built out of other mansions) is effectively soundproofed by all the piles of cash she probably keeps stored in the wall cavities. So instead she’s most likely sat around eating a money sandwich (made from money) with light money mayo. Or something.

Not only has the decision left the fans of the series in the lurch, it’s screwed over dozens of tie-in book deals, which were set to be released on or around the time of the movie. But hey – so long as the WB are happy who cares?

Warner Bros president Alan Horn used these words to form sentences, thusly:

“We know the summer season is an ideal window for a family… release, as proven by the success of our last Harry Potter film, which is the second-highest grossing film in the franchise, behind only the first instalment.”

So at least we know it’s a decision made for the fans. But maybe we’re being harsh – maybe there’s something actually wrong and the film hasn’t been completed or something… what’s that Alan?

“The picture is completely, absolutely, 100 per cent on schedule, on time. There were no delays. “I’ve seen the movie. It is fabulous. We would have been perfectly able to have it out in November.”

Ah. Hmm.

Well, one good thing that comes from this: we can see that movie executives are still oblivious plums who will happily put profit before the enjoyment of their loyal, paying audience. While an eight month wait isn’t the end of the world, it is a slap in the face of anyone who was looking forward to the film. We kind of hope that the movie goes on to fail as a result of alienating its audience, actually.

Take that, movie industry!

On Friday afternoon Foxy Brown was finally set free from Riker’s Island jail, where she’d been serving time for probation violation stemming from a fight with some manicure workers.

And, although the world has changed drastically in the eight months since she was first imprisoned, Foxy Brown has gone all out to prove that she’s changed even more. In fact, Foxy Brown has publicly stated that she believes God put her in jail for a reason. Which is actually true – it’s just that the reason happened to be that Foxy Brown is a mental lunatic who couldn’t be more violent if you cross-bred her with a wasp.

Life’s probably been a bit cushy for you over the last eight or so months, hasn’t it? You’ve been able to walk the streets without worrying that an angry midget would jump out and thump you in the face with a mobile phone, or that a customer in your shop would throw such a tantrum that only a rugby-tackling policeman can shut her up.

Well we hope you enjoyed the freedom, because it’s business as usual again. Foxy Brown – the female rapper with more indiscriminate fury per square inch than the Cloverfield monster, Vinnie Jones and this cat combined – was released from jail on Friday after serving eight months including a lengthy stretch in solitary confinement. So if you own a manicure bar, or a beauty supplies shop or a face that Foxy Brown doesn’t like the look of, then watch out – Foxy Brown’s vengeance will be sustained and furious.

Except, wait, no – you won’t be getting any of that from Foxy Brown at all. It turns out that Foxy Brown found God in jail. Apparently he’s doing a 20-stretch for aggravated kidnapping. Oh, not really, but she did find him in jail and as a result she’ll never do anything bad again, as People reports:

Brown… cried as she hugged friends. She even singled out a couple people, saying, “These are my two number one fans. They are like family.” … “My family never missed a visit in eight months, ever. I cried coming out. I didn’t cry coming in. There’s a big difference. I believe that God put me there for a reason, Incarceration is serious,” she told Access Hollywood. Adding that the first place she wanted to go after her “learning experience” was church. “He got me through,” she said.

It’ll be interesting to see how this new religion affects Foxy Brown, especially in her performances. After all, it might be a bit difficult to put a pro-God spin on songs like Ride (Down South), Baller Bitch and Run Yo Shit. But if anyone can do it, it’ll be someone with the fierce intellect of Foxy Brown, we’re sure.

In fact, if God got Foxy Brown through jail, perhaps he can get her to help him out in the outside world, too. Statistically not many of you reading this will go to church, but that’d probably change if a violent midget dressed as a prostitute knocked on your door and threatened to beat your face to a pulp with a Blackberry if you didn’t show up on Sunday, admit it.

Basically what we’re saying is that Foxy Brown is like an updated version of John The Baptist, but slightly more hookerish to look at. We’re pleased you’re out, Foxy. Don’t hurt us.

Read more:

Foxy Brown’s Emotional Release from Prison – People