If you’re an adult that lists the Harry Potter series of books as one of your favourites then you likely need to be shot. In the face.
If you’re an adult that lists the Harry Potter series of films as one of your favourites then you need to be fired. From a cannon. Into the sun. Twice.
Needless to say, the idiots that do like this garbage – that’s ‘kids’ and the aforementioned persons that need to be killed in excessive fashions – will be upset to learn that the newest film, Harry Potter and the Simple Premise Drawn Out For Far Too Long, Thus Making Billions of Dollars, has been pushed back by eight months.
Why? Technical problems? Realising it’s crap? No – to make sure it comes out in the summer when Warner Bros don’t have much else to bring out. In other words: to make more money.
What a lovely, cynical, money-grabbing world we do live in. It makes us feel all gooey inside.
The film, actually titled The Half-Blood Prince, should have opened in November of this year, but evidently studio execs felt it was more prudent to make more money than it was to give their loyal fans what they’ve been promised for so long.
JK Rowling would probably care, but her mansion (built out of other mansions) is effectively soundproofed by all the piles of cash she probably keeps stored in the wall cavities. So instead she’s most likely sat around eating a money sandwich (made from money) with light money mayo. Or something.
Not only has the decision left the fans of the series in the lurch, it’s screwed over dozens of tie-in book deals, which were set to be released on or around the time of the movie. But hey – so long as the WB are happy who cares?
Warner Bros president Alan Horn used these words to form sentences, thusly:
“We know the summer season is an ideal window for a family… release, as proven by the success of our last Harry Potter film, which is the second-highest grossing film in the franchise, behind only the first instalment.”
So at least we know it’s a decision made for the fans. But maybe we’re being harsh – maybe there’s something actually wrong and the film hasn’t been completed or something… what’s that Alan?
“The picture is completely, absolutely, 100 per cent on schedule, on time. There were no delays. “I’ve seen the movie. It is fabulous. We would have been perfectly able to have it out in November.”
Ah. Hmm.
Well, one good thing that comes from this: we can see that movie executives are still oblivious plums who will happily put profit before the enjoyment of their loyal, paying audience. While an eight month wait isn’t the end of the world, it is a slap in the face of anyone who was looking forward to the film. We kind of hope that the movie goes on to fail as a result of alienating its audience, actually.
Take that, movie industry!
J Bollocks says
As as person who had he incredible goodlck to grow-up before JK R.
Al I can say is screw you losers
gir says
Wow, J Bollocks, you’re even less funny while drunk than you are while sober.
That’s pretty impressive.
Ironlung says
Make your own jokes up.
K-Mo says
Lame!
I for one am so pissed about this, that they would literally come right out and just say “we are greedy and need more money.” So much so that I promise to pirate this instead of seeing it in the theater now and I encourage everyone to do the same.
Tom Smith says
This writer is an idiot. Does he think the fans have no way of getting even? Ever heard of Bit Torrents? Because this thing is only going to get pirated more than the usual film because of this delay. Warner Bros will pay for this in the long run via the internet. He’s right about Warner Bros. being greedy, but entirely wrong if he thinks people are going to take it lying down. Bootleg copies of this are going to be everywhere.
Momma says
Please get a life and stop writing things that make you sound like an idiot.
Ana says
I am calling anyone seeing this movie to “reschedule” their viewing to a week after release. This will completely screw WB’s numbers. Of course, we would be 100% ready to see it on time but just decided it would be a better “family tent” event a week later. I would love to see their little money machines burn up in smoke.
kymmie says
I am an adult and I love these movies those who think that is stupid kiss my a**!
Perla says
La verdad es que no puedo pensar en otra persona más patetica que tu en este instante, ¿por qué no te dedicas a hacer cosas más creativas que estar insultando a la gente que si lo es?, el impacto que tiene Harry Potter es infinitamente más grande que el que creas tu con tus comentarios, ya que una persona lee esto, te raya la madre y se olvida de ti, en cambio Harry Potter va a trascender por decadas y libros por venir, “patetico” en realidad no le hace honor a la mediocridad en la que estas envuelto
Nome says
Obviously you got the response’s you were looking for, I might just add if you think your so much better but writing negative things about these great book’s and the movies where are your books and movies. Ahh hmmm Don’t be a hater!!
Melanie says
Wow. When you insult random celebrities I think it’s funny, but when you indirectly insult me, an adult fan of both the Harry Potter books and movies, I don’t find it so amusing.
Hmm. Is this a moral dilemma for me? Should I stop laughing when people make fun of celebrities who do stupid things?
gir says
Just a minor quibble: as an adult fan of Harry Potter, I’d say he insulted you rather directly.
JK Rolling In Big Piles Of Cash says
Ha ha. Stupid adults buy my books, make me rich and then get all indignant when people laugh at them.
Kathleen says
WB are jerks for alienating its core fans. I will see HB in the theatres, but I’m not gonna give WB a cent. I’ll go see Universal’s “Land of the Lost” and then sneak in to see HBP.