Azealia Banks is attractive, ballsy and is responsible for some outrageously fun tunes. 212 was a thrilling slice of pop which had one of the filthiest refrains in memory. And now, a new track is online (which you can hear below) which samples Aaliyah!
And so, talented newbie samples RnB legend? What could possibly go wrong?
Well, once you’ve heard it, you might be tempted to think ‘everything’. See, Azealia Banks has gone and made something really very boring indeed. Is she a case of all hype and no knickers? We should lower our hopes.
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OI! FATTY! IT’S JANUARY SO YOU’D BEST GET ON THE TREADMILL! Is what I’d be shouting at you if I wasn’t one of you; a Festive over-indulger that left a world of salad and steak for one populated almost exclusively by Toblerone and Terry’s Chocolate Oranges. We’ve all been there and now you’re probably sitting clutching your list of New Year’s Resolutions desperately trying to convince yourself that you’ll achieve all of the things on it.
You won’t.
Why should you? You’re your own person and you don’t need a list of goals to tell you that you should probably crack open a bag of cress every now and then before you start to resemble Michelle MacManus & Rik Waller’s illicit love-child. You don’t even need a list of goals to tell you that it might be time to get yourself on a dating website and meet someone new before you fall into the arms of an ex-lover because you’re horribly lonely.
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People dying is a terrible thing, it’s almost as bad as when annoying songs get stuck in your head, but what’s even worse and more inconceivable than either of those things is when you have fake songs about dead people stuck in your head.
Readers of the ‘Spray, tonight we are disgraced to tell you that we find ourselves in this very situation. Currently we are dancing round the bedsit singing “Ga-da-fi is d-ead,” to the theme of the Conga, any second now the crew from Insidious 2 will be round to start filming.
One day no new music videos will have been posted on all the pretentious sites, and NME Video, that we patrol to inform you what the beautiful people are doing and you’ll just be left utterly heart-broken and convulsing on the floor while singing the jingle from the Match.com advert, because let’s face it you go there every night like the filthy love-hound you are. Until this day comes though we can this week offer you some of the finest dirge on the web and Rihanna, who is so non-dirge that she forgave Chris Brown—according to our sources; the Metro.
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When E4 had eventually grown tired of showing endless repeats of Friends and Scrubs, the channel eventually spat out its own unique programming, aimed at the sort of person that hecklerspray writers aren’t; the young, the cool, the hip and the trendy. Arseholes, basically.
On one end of the spectrum, there was Skins, a programme which captured everyone’s dream college lifestyle, in a show which frequently used drugs, booze and sex, but portrayed them in the most extreme way to great effect.
Skins was escapism for most whilst The Inbetweeners offered a firmer dose of reality, especially for hormonal teenage boys. These are the sort of people who couldn’t quite make that move from fingering a girl to using an empty packet of Space Raiders as a makeshift condom when that first awkward sexual experience arrived.
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Is there any more fun to be drawn from rap/rock? Judging by Hyro Da Hero, the answer is “Fun, yes. Essential music, perhaps not.” This is the straighter end of alt/noise rock (think a less experimental At the Drive-In) with rapping over the top rather that the normal approach of recreating hip-hop’s bounce and swing with live instruments.
A welcome change on a rainy morning after all the white men shouting, but ultimately inconsequential.
Norway’s Kvelertak describe themselves as Black n’ Roll, and it’s a good a label as any. Rock n’ Roll with metal vocals. Like a less-pantomime Turbonegro, they sound like Satan’s favourite blues band. Another feather in Scandinavia’s already feather-stuffed cap.
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Why are metal bands of such a high quality when playing live? We’ve lost count of the mind-numbing quantity of indie bands we’ve seen over the years that sounded passable on record but dreary once they sheepishly shuffle onto a stage.
Benji Webb knows how to work a crowd and Skindred are an amazing vehicle for his talent. The self-styled ‘ragga-metal’ [Jesus fucking Christ, really? - Ed.] band understand completely the musical forms with which they are playing.
Webb’s versatile vocals (roots crooning, rapping, metal roaring) allow the songs to change tempo all over the place so they are free to drop drum and bass rhythms without it sounding in the least bit contrived. Extra bonus points for getting a metal crowd doing the robot.
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“Oh, goody, a festival review! I was there! I can’t wait to see whether this review entirely shares my opinions, or whether it has its own mind. Tell us what you think?”
Thanks for asking! There’s an inclusivity to heavy metal that makes spending time with fans of it a total joy. They don’t sneer at how you’re dressed, and their music exists in a vacuum. Metal has had varying popularity in different forms but it hasn’t been ‘cool’ since Nirvana were knocking around.
Free of the need to conform to notions of cool, they are also free to concentrate on rocking. Kurt Cobain was consumed with an exaggerated attention to the subtle cultural and intellectual differences that separated his band from the ‘corporate’ rock that it (temporarily) replaced. And look how that ended. Heroin addiction, history of depression, and permanent physical pain aside, we always got the impression that Kurt killed himself because he couldn’t live in a world where Nevermind outsold Doolittle. The fact that it was outselling Dangerous meant the poor beautiful bugger didn’t stand a chance. What we’re trying to say is that Kurt missed the point. By a massive distance. You know the distance between the interesting idea of Lady Gaga and the piss-poor reality of her actual music. About that far.
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Anyone who says they hate Beyonce is either a liar or a former member of Destiny’s Child, jarred and infuriated by her monumental success. Fact is, Beyonce Knowles is one of the most likeable pop-stars we’ve ever had. She’s just marvellous isn’t she?
And if you’re thinking ‘yeah, but I hate her music! All that stupid histrionics! It makes my turds hang sideways!’, you’re forgetting that she just looked really, really great in the ‘Crazy In Love’ video. Right?
Now, she’s got a new album due called ’4′ and, well, loads of people have heard it in its entirety thanks to it getting leaked online (where else? The trad. arr. press couldn’t leak a septic tit). She’s not particularly happy about it.
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