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BBC One

WATCH THIS! A Week In Television For Bozos

by Robin Darke

Right you horrible lot, shall we get this started? Because by the sounds of the naysayers on TV and radio and in the papers, eventually we’ll all be out of a job and by that point, no one will have a TV anymore and we’ll all by using someone else’s children as currency.

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Soap Spoilers! Secrets! More Secrets! Teeth!

by Joanna Bolouri

Hello pea-brains! We missed you! That’s a lie but we like to make you feel wanted, even if it is for a split second.

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WATCH THIS! Television Picks For The Unswervingly Lazy

by Robin Darke

We’ve all had a very hard week haven’t we? Valentine Day is completely sorted (some chocolates, that 7p ASDA Valentine’s card and a quickie will do), our interest in Katy Wix and Anna Crilly, the two women who advertise Harvey’s during Coronation Street, has started waning and we’ve emotionally dealt with that, we’ve seen Madonna’s vagina more times this week than we’d like to admit, and we’ve fended off numerous LoveFilm ambushes on the High Street (they can’t ask us whether we like film if they have no tongues).

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Soap Spoilers! Slapping! Court Cases! The R Word!

by Joanna Bolouri

Hello soap fans, have a good weekend? Did you all wake up covered in vomit and shame this morning? Excellent news, you’re all disgusting and that’s why we tolerate you. Last week was exciting in Soapland wasn’t it? All that stuff happened and then that other stuff happened too! Yeah we didn’t watch any of [...]

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WATCH THIS! The Best Of The Weekend’s Tellybox Guff

by Robin Darke

You’ve had a very hard week haven’t you? That Diane in accounting asked you to do that did she? She takes you for granted so much you know. We at Hecklerspray love you very much. We would never take you for granted.

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Soap Spoilers! Pinching! Death! Planning Permission!

by Joanna Bolouri

Hello readers. Have a good week? If our frighteningly accurate hecklerscopes are correct, then most of you are either dead or feeling a very real sense of shame and self loathing. Either is fine with us. For those of you still here, let’s look at what’s going to happen in Soapland this week. Yep, you [...]

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WATCH THIS! TV Picks For The Weekend Bozo

by Robin Darke

Ka-loo ka-lay everyone! It’s almost the end of the week, and just like Lenny Henry tells us on those awful hotel adverts, it’s almost time for the weekend. And what’s a weekend all about? Going out, getting trashed and generally being like those pesky kids from Skins, sitting around in your pants as much as [...]

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Soap Spoilers! Spying! Secrets! Jumpers!

by Joanna Bolouri

It’s soap spoiling time again you lucky people!  Once again we’ve been held at gunpoint and forced to write stuff about something we’d only care less about if we were dead. Want to know what exciting things happen in Hollyoaks this week?  Tough. We didn’t include them. As usual we’re off to Eastenders first and before [...]

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WATCH THIS! The Weekend TV Picks Just For Stupid You!

by Robin Darke

Life is hard for many people for much of the time. But we all deal with it in different ways. Some people take solace in religion; placing their happiness in never seeing a ghost. They’d rather have a piece of toast and watch the evening news. Those people are idiots and mediocre ’90s pop stars. [...]

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Soap Spoilers! Pill Pushing! Stair Pushing! Fish Murdering!

by Joanna Bolouri

CHRIST ON A BIKE, it’s been a whole week since we’ve been here! Can you believe it?!! That was rhetorical. Shut up. Now that Pat has been airlifted out of this world to the tune of Sweet Caroline, it’s time to get back to the real world, and by real world we mean an entirely fictitious one, created [...]

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