If your dream was to one day see a Sum 41/ Avril Lavigne supergroup, we’ve got some miserable news for you.

You have crap dreams. Seriously, try and upgrade your ambition a little. Oh, and the other piece of miserable news is that the aforementioned supergroup will never come to pass – following their recent split announcement, Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley have filed for divorce.

Apparently Avril Lavigne cited irreconcilable differences in her divorce papers, but that’s just legal talk. We think it means that they had to get divorced because literally nobody on the planet had thought about either of them once in the last two years.

Exciting news! There’s a very good chance that Avril Lavigne’s next record will be her messy break-up album! Hooray! Finally, we’ll get to see what gems can be conjured up when the brains behind Sk8er Boi and that Girlfriend song that sounded like every other song ever gets to plumb the very depths of her emotion. So chances are most of the songs will be identical to Sk8er Boi and Girlfriend, except they’ll have lyrics that rhyme ’sad’ with ‘bad’ and ‘divorce’ with ‘horse’.

Because, you see, Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley are no more. Although they announced their split a few weeks ago, Avril Lavigne has now formally filed for divorce. E! Online paints the sad picture of their final days together:

Irreconcilable differences were cited as the reason for the split, according to the petition filed last Friday in Los Angeles Superior Court… A source told E! News that Lavigne and Whibley had been “growing apart for months. They have become more like business partners rather than husband and wife.”

Just so you know, we think that ‘irreconcilable differences’ is a just a box that needs to be checked on the divorce form. Avril Lavigne almost certainly didn’t have to write it down by herself, otherwise we’re pretty sure that that the reason cited for the split would have been ‘I AMM SADS’ written in fingerpaint next to a crude picture of a sad face.

Similarly, we’re not sure that we buy this whole ‘business partner’ thing, either. Because if Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley really were business partners, then their business would have been stupid-haired pop-rock that nobody has really liked for at least five years, and their board of shareholders would have given them a vote of no confidence long before now.

But whatever the reason for their divorce, we hope that both Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley can go on to find happiness in other areas of their lives. For instance, maybe Avril Lavigne could throw herself into education and finally work out what that tricky number that comes after six is. And as long as there’s television there’ll always be a desperate need for a minor bumbling sitcom character called Deryck Whibley.

We wish them both well. By which we mean that we hope we never hear anything about either of them ever again.

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Are you invested in the lives of people who you once sort of half-liked but now no longer remember at all?

You are? Then you might want to sit down. Remember Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley? Come on, yes you do. They were the king and queen of bad, faux-rebellious teenage music from several years ago. Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley. You remember. She was definitely a punk because sometimes she wore a tie in an ironic way and his name was both stupid and hard to spell. You remember Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley. You do.

Anyway, they’ve split up.

It’s always sad when a marriage comes to an end. Actually, no, that statement needs a qualifier. It’s more accurate to say that it’s always sad when a marriage comes to an end, unless it’s the marriage between Avril Lavigne and Sum 41 singer Deryck Whibley because – even if you sat in a darkened room for a month contemplating the end of their marriage while listening to the world’s saddest violin aria and remembering your most traumatic childhood moments – you’d still be hard pressed to feel even the slightest twitch of emotion about it.

There, that makes much more sense.

Anyway, when Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley got married, they had the whole world in their hands, by which we mean an embarrassingly large collection of skinny ties, a few songs that sounded suspiciously like songs recorded by other people, a fairly large house and a two sets of genes which – if combined – would almost certainly produce a rubber-faced midget baby with an uncontrollable drool problem and an unpleasant sense of entitlement.

But how quickly things change. According to reports, Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley have now split up. We’ll give you a few minutes to look up who Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley are on Wikipedia, and then you can read how Avril broke the news on her MySpace blog. Actually, we should probably give you a few more minutes so that you can look up what MySpace is on Wikipedia as well. Ready?

“Deryck and I have been together for six-and-a-half years. We have been friends since I was 17, started dating when I was 19, and married when I was 21. I am grateful for our time together, and I am grateful and blessed for our remaining friendship. I admire Deryck and have a great amount of respect for him. He is the most amazing person I know and I love him with all my heart. Deryck and I are separating and moving forward on a positive note.”

You see? That’s love. We wish that we could find someone who we loved, admired, respected and generally considered to be amazing enough to dump in order to find someone better, too. That Avril Lavinge, she’s so lucky.

Reports suggesting that Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley had agreed to break up months ago, but didn’t tell anyone because Avril had spent the intervening time trying to dumbly type her split statement on a microwave instead of a computer and Deryck kept clattering into walls because he’d forgotten what doors were, are untrue. Probably.

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What she seemingly has never been called though, is ‘too sexy’. Until now. Ahead of an upcoming tour around Asia, the youth wing of the Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party have raised issue with the Canadian poplet with the dead eyes. For being too sexy.

The world can be a very odd place. Now, we understand it may be a more conservative way of life over there, but calling Avril Lavigne ‘too sexy’ is akin to calling Brooke Hogan a ‘purveyor of finely thought out political commentary’ – it just doesn’t fit. How, exactly, is looking really bored on stage considered sexy, even in a culture where sexuality is somewhat repressed, or hidden away?

Answers on a postcard.

But that is the route the complaint has taken, and it’s one that’s sure to raise some issues about the portrayal of pop stars, movie stars and those generally in the public eye as sexual icons. Either that or it’ll just get tossed under the rug with the rest of the comments that might actually raise some intelligent discussion about how artists become highly-sexualised commodities more with each passing day.

This is, as an example, the same Avril Lavigne that started out as a ‘pop punk’ girl, wearing rather modest shorts, normal t-shirts and singing about being tough in the face of her crappy little relationships, or something. Now she’s essentially a whore, dressing like a tart in order to get on TV as much as possible, singing about utter shite. It’s a clear, blatant marketing decision – as the old adage says: sex sells.

And now it’s getting her into trouble, so we can all laugh. Just as we did with the spitting.

Speaking to the Associated Press, a spokesman for the Islamic Party, Kamarulzaman Mohamed, said:

“It is considered too sexy for us. … It’s not good for viewers in Malaysia. We don’t want our people, our teenagers, influenced by their performance. We want clean artists, artists that are good role models.”

So who would the youth wing of the Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party want instead? Well, according to the AP:

Malaysia requires all performers to wear clothes without obscene or drug-related images and be covered from chest to knees. They must also refrain from jumping, shouting, hugging and kissing on stage.

So, someone who doesn’t like drugs or obscenity, who doesn’t move much and who won’t want to get off with anyone in their audience? From the world of music?

In other words, not many artists play Malaysia.

The Pussycat Dolls did play back in 2006 mind you, which makes hecklerspray wonder what exactly the Malaysian government thought they were getting when they were booked. Whereas other groups and artists could conceivably be covered up, asked to tone down their lyrical content and to stay still, hiring a glorified bunch of strippers to do a live stage show was never really going to fall within the realms of ‘decent’.

But hey – who are we to comment? We’re always naked at hecklerspray.

You do? Well that's just fantastic, because Avril Lavigne is bringing out her very own clothing line. And, best of all, every garment is loosely based on an item of clothing that Avril Lavigne actually owns!

Now you too can experience the thrill of people stopping you on the street and asking if you're Avril Lavigne. You'll also be able to experience the uncomfortable beating that you'll get when you reply "No, but I love Avril Lavigne so much that I bought a range of clothes specifically to make me look like her," but let's not dwell on that. Avril Lavigne! Yay!

For every fact that you knew about Avril Lavigne – that she's still unable to spell the word 'skater' correctly and that she's married to a man who looks like a Boglin – there's a fact that you didn't know. For instance, today we learnt that Avril Lavigne had probably the lamest-ever childhood nickname we've ever heard. Abbey Dawn. See? What does that even mean? 

You know how we discovered that about Avril Lavigne? It's because it's the name of Avril Lavigne's new clothing line. That's right – Avril Lavigne is following in the footsteps of Kate Moss and Lily Allen and creating a range of clothes, perfect for the woman who can look herself in the eye and say 'I'm not afraid to dress like a scruffy schoolgirl even though I'm a 32-year-old legal secretary with a mortgage.' E! Online reports:

The 23-year-old pop star has partnered with manufacturer Jerry Leigh to be the face of Abbey Dawn, a new junior's lifestyle brand, featuring jewelry and apparel inspired by Lavigne's personal style. "I actually am the designer," Lavigne told USA Today of the venture. "What's really important to me is that everything fits well and is well-made, so I try everything on and approve it all." The singer said the Abbey Dawn line would include "a lot of hot pinks and blacks and stars and purple and zebra. Basically, everything I wear."

What a lovely thing for Avril Lavigne to do. After all, there's no greater gift that a star can give their fans than the gift of charging them to wear clothes that are a bit like the clothes she wears. Avril Lavigne knows how to treat people well. When she isn't hawking stringy globs of spittle at them, that is.

The Avril Lavigne Abbey Dawn clothing line goes on sale exclusively at Kohl's, with the products going on sale for July. But if you can't wait to see what the Avril Lavigne clothing line will look like, why not check out The Rubinoos clothing line. We hear they're quite similar.

Read more:

Avril's Happy Branding - E! Online 

And imagine it hard, because you won't get to see it for a while. Although reports have been fizzing around claiming that Avril Lavigne is expecting her first baby, Avril's reps have dashed everyone's hopes by claiming that none of it is true.

But, hey, at least now that she probably isn't pregnant Avril Lavigne gets to remain the cleverest and most mature person in her family. Unless she has a pet gerbil, of course.

That Avril Lavigne, she's always copying everyone's ideas isn't she? After the storm last year over the fact that her songs Girlfriend and I Don't Have To Try sounded an awful lot like songs by other people, it's been claimed that Avril Lavigne has now decided to rip off Nicole Kidman's idea of letting a man's sperm penetrate the cell membrane of her oocyte up the ampulla of her fallopian tube and fusing together to create life.

In other words, some people think that Avril Lavigne is pregnant. If we were Nicole Kidman we'd sue. 

However, even though reports have been buzzing around about Avril Lavigne's supposed pregnancy thanks to her husband Deryck Whibley apparently telling people that he was excited about becoming a dad, Avril herself has denied the claims. Well, she got her publicist to deny the claims – we're still not entirely sure that Avril's capable of stringing more than three or four words together at once by herself. Anyway:

Lavigne’s representative has dismissed the reports, saying: “It’s not true.”

So it was all a great big false alarm. Still, at least this way Avril Lavigne won't have to balance her newborn baby with her long-held hobbies of drinking to excess, writing songs in aneurysm-inducing text-speak and leading Britney Spears astray. So it's probably for the best.

Still, at least we know that Avril Lavigne definitely isn't pregnant despite all the reports.

If we were Eva Longoria we'd sue. 

Read more:

Is Avril Lavigne pregnant? - VanityGossip.com