Suge Knight may have allegedly hung Vanilla Ice by his ankles off a 20-storey building once, but don’t ever mess with his earrings.
Because, seriously, if Suge Knight ever comes round your house and suddenly loses one of his earrings, you’re very possibly going to get sued. Of course, it’ll help if the loss of the earring is directly preceded by an armed stranger bursting into your house and shooting Suge Knight in the leg, but mainly it’s about the earring thing.
So you wouldn’t want to be Kanye West, because he’s the man who Suge Knight is suing for the earring loss and the shooting. And Suge Knight means business, too – once he’s done suing Kanye West he’s going to punch Busta Rhymes in the face for losing one of his anklets and then twist one of Diddy‘s nipples as hard as he can until Diddy promises give back his missing cockring.
There was a time when Suge Knight ruled the world of hip-hop. Not any more, though – thanks to a variety of prison sentences and dubious business moves, Suge Knight has fallen in status to the point where he’s more or less just the fat man who looks funny when he runs for the bus.
That’s not to say that Suge is going to slip away into peaceful anonymity just yet, though – whenever his profile dips beyond a certain point he’ll bound back into the limelight by losing his record label or allegedly driving around in his car with his pockets stuffed with Ecstasy, alternately punching his girlfriend in the head and threatening her with a knife. Which, ironically, is similar to how Jesus plans to make his comeback, too.
And now Suge Knight has decided to make sure that everyone remembers him by suing Kanye West because, at a party hosted by Kanye West three years ago, Suge Knight got shot in the leg and lost one of his earrings. It’s a smart move, because it means that everyone will remember him – specifically what a lumbering, money-chasing slapheaded Uncle Albert berk he’s always been. The LA Times reports:
According to the lawsuit, Knight claims needed recompense from West for medical bills, transport and “damages for the loss of use and enjoyment” of a 15-carat diamond stud earring as a result of the attack. (The lawsuit also claims that the aforementioned earring is valued at $135,000.)
Read that again. $135,000 for an earring. That’s absurd. Think of all the other things that Suge Knight could have done with that money, like reinforcing all of his chairs with concrete or buying enough snacks to last him for about 45 minutes. And he spent it on an earring. No wonder people want to shoot him.
Kanye West has yet to comment on the lawsuit – possibly because he’s still stunned that he’s being sued because a man lost his earring in a shooting that took place in a room he happened to be hiring three years ago – but we’re sure he’s not phased by this. After all, Kanye West is a successful man, so he must be used to getting sued like this.
It’s just a shame that this has gone directly to litigation, because we’d rather have seen Suge Knight and Kanye West settle this like real men – in a boxing ring. True, Suge Knight might be roughly the size and weight of a bear, but there’s no competing against the fierce combat skills that Kanye West has. It’d be a bloodbath.