Seriously, it must mess you up something rotten. Let’s take any CSI actor completely at random and see what starring in CSI has done to them. Let’s randomly pick, say, Gary Dourdan. It turns out that Gary Dourdan has been arrested for being asleep in his car with heroin, cocaine, Ecstasy and several assorted prescription drugs in his possession.
And we chose Gary Dourdan entirely at random. Good job we didn’t pick David Caruso, really – just look what being in CSI has done to his hair.
Working in a long-running day in/ day out TV drama series can’t be too much fun at the best of times – not only does the constant turnaround of episodes mean that you’re effectively a glorified sweatshop worker, but you become so intertwined with the character in the public eye that should you ever go off the rails and, say, waggle your penis at a co-worker or scream the word ‘Faggot!’ as loud as you can on set, your career is virtually kaput.
So things don’t exactly look great for CSI actor Gary Dourdan, who’s been arrested on suspicion of drug possession. Big time drug possession. Possession of so many drugs that he probably needed to poke a snorkel out of the top of his sunroof so he didn’t suffocate on all the drugs he’s been arrested on suspicion of possessing.
And Gary Dourdan would have got away with it, too, if it weren’t for the fact that he appears to be a bit of a stupid halfwit. E! Online reports:
The Palm Springs PD said the 41-year-old actor was busted at approximately 5:12 a.m. when officers approached his vehicle, which was parked on the wrong side of the street at the time. The officer who spotted the vehicle said … that Dourdan appeared to be asleep behind the wheel. According to the police report, the arresting officer described Dourdan as “disoriented” and appearing to be under the influence of either drugs or alcohol.
So far so George Michael, we know. But what really set Gary Dourdan apart from the crowd was the way that his car was apparently filled with cocaine, Ecstasy, heroin, an assortment of prescription drugs and all sorts of drug paraphenalia when he was arrested. Dourdan was taken to a police station, booked with possession of narcotics and possession of dangerous drugs and released on $5,000 bail.
Now it’d be wrong for us to judge Gary Dourdan for this arrest because he hasn’t actually been found guilty of anything yet. For that to be determined, there needs to be a thorough investigation of the car that Dourdan was found asleep in. A crime scene investigation, you might say.
And if we’d ever managed to sit through more than ten minutes of CSI without realising that it was a bag of shit and turning over to watch anything – anything, sports, Columbo, cartoons, Jeremy Kyle, Natasha Kaplinsky, anything – else instead, then we’d probably have some idea of what that investigation would involve. But we’ve never done that. CSI is rubbish.
In fact, if you take one thing away from Gary Dourdan’s arrest, it should be this: CSI is a great big big bag of stinky poopy rhino balls and it stinks of poop and is bad.