Now that New Moon is an unqualified success, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart carry on doing what they love best.

And that’s schlepping around together looking genuinely miserable. This time, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have been seen together in New York, eating food and being outside and stuff. Oh, and possibly getting their bodyguards to stand in the way while they have a quick kiss.

So are Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart finally an item? Maybe the answer is yes. Maybe the answer is no. Maybe we’ll never find out for sure. And maybe one day we’ll get bored and stop asking. PS: that last one is patently never going to happen.

Thanks to New Moon, the world has two new A-list megastars – and we’re certain that they make a wonderful couple. We’re talking, of course, about Taylor Lautner’s nipples. True, one day Taylor Lautner’s nipples might fall out of favour with one another and go through a painful drawn-out split, but for now they’re megastars. Megastars, you hear?

Also, there’s Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, who are also quite famous and probably a couple, although they lose marks for not being quite as attractive as a 16-year-old boy’s hairy nipples.

The Robert Pattinson/ Kristen Stewart romance is troubling not only because it doesn’t have a proper name yet (Krobert? Stattinson? Pisten?), but because both parties are maintaining a steely silence about it. To this day, Robert Pattinson says he can’t get a date and Kristen Stewart maintains that she’s a lesbian. But they’re always together – so what gives?

Well, luckily enough, some people had nothing better to do than stalk around New York three paces behind Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart last weekend, jotting down every single individual sign of intimacy between them into a grubby little notebook. And, luckily enough, we’ve got nothing better to do than pass that information on in the misguided belief that any of it’s worthwhile. People reports:

The duo started their night at the ultra exclusive Soho House, where they “had a good time”. Later, they skipped over to Avenue, where they were spotted making out while their bodyguards tried to block prying eyes. On Saturday night the two were spotted getting close at Dive Bar, on the Upper West Side. A source spotted the duo around 3 a.m. with their bodyguard in tow.

So that, it would seem, is that. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were seen making out, so they must be a couple. Unless the information was false and they weren’t making out and they’re not a couple. But let’s assume that they are, in which case we’d like to congratulate Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart on their new-found love. And also, we’d like to warn them that if they ever have kids, they’re going to have some really shit hair.

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