We always thought that Sharon Stone would be a good mother, particularly because she’d always be getting her vag out to remind you where you’re from.
But maybe Sharon Stone isn’t such a fantastic mother after all, because it turns out that she’s lost physical custody of her eight-year-old son Roan to her ex-husband Phil Bronstein.
That’s upsetting. Not for Sharon Stone – she’s old enough to cope with this – but for her son. After all, this means he’ll never get to experience the unique form of schoolyard bullying that comes from having your naked 50-year-old mother who happens to be an intense figure of hatred to the entire Chinese community drop you off at school every morning. That poor boy. That poor poor boy.
It’s hard to see how Sharon Stone’s 2008 could get any worse, really. Sure, she may have enraged the next superpower-in-waiting by explaining that it deserved its horrific earthquake for the way it was sometimes mean to the Dalai Lama, but that’s not the worst thing to happen to Sharon Stone this year by far. No, the worst thing to happen to Sharon Stone is that next month she’s starring in a Jimmy Fallon film. That’s so awful we almost feel sorry for her.
Oh, and Sharon Stone’s also lost physical custody of her son. But, really, Jimmy Fallon.
Anyway, back to the custody thing. It’s been revealed that Sharon Stone no longer has physical custody of her eight-year-old son Roan despite doing her best to turn that around in court. The LA Times reports:
According to the court documents from a Sept. 12 custody hearing, Phil Bronstein “shall have permanent sole physical custody of child. Court finds that Respondent (Sharon Stone) failed to meet her burden of proof and denies Respondent’s (Sharon Stone’s) request for modification of custody.” The judge also notes that this order is permanent unless there is a change of circumstances.
Actually, we admit it, we do feel a little bit sorry for Sharon Stone here. Having a child taken away from you must be excruciatingly painful. Imagine how lonely it must be to verbally molest an entire nation or have it off with Christian Slater knowing that there isn’t an eight-year-old boy a few feet away with his eyes closed and his hands clamped over his ears wishing he was anywhere else on Earth. It must be really bloody lonely.
Still, you know what this means. It means that Britney Spears needs to watch the hell out. With Sharon Stone losing custody of her son, Britney runs the risk of not being the worst mother in Hollywood any more. If we were Britney we’d be upping our game to counter this title challenge sharpish. And that means one thing – Britney, it’s time to start firing your children out of cannons at helicopters. You know it makes sense.
