So Chris Brown says he isn’t a monster. But we’ve only got his word on that.
Well, his word and the word of his ridiculous “Beleey dat!” sidekick, who almost certainly doesn’t count. But does Rihanna think Chris Brown is a monster? She’s kept a dignified silence since his arrest for allegedly beating her up. Well, it’s either a dignified silence or she’s lost the ability to talk because Chris Brown crushed her windpipe when he tried to choke her unconscious. Who knows?
Anyway, Rihanna’s silence is about to be broken – she’s going to testify against Chris Brown in court.
Being the victim of an alleged fist-attack by Chris Brown has royally buggered up Rihanna’s life. Whatever she does for the rest of her career, reportedly getting her face punched in by a rodenty-looking R&B singer is going to be the thing that she’s remembered for. She’s peaked.
Rihanna’s even peaked in terms of sexiness. She’s tried to be sexy by dancing around in a nightie in the new Kanye West video, but that’s hardly any good – in the aftermath of Chris Brown’s arrest a bunch of naked Rihanna photos hit the internet, and how can you out-sexy a naked photo? You can’t, not unless you physically turn yourself inside out at the vagina and then play I Wanna Sex You Up by Color Me Badd on a xylophone made of dildos. And that’s not even very sexy.
With all of this in mind, there’s a very good chance that Rihanna is feeling a little raw at the moment. She wants revenge, and it looks like she’s going to get it. And, thankfully for the entire population of the world, she’s not going to get it by releasing a dreary album full of bitter I Will Survive-style howls about personal empowerment. No, instead Rihanna is going to court to give Chris Brown what-for in person. AP reports:
Donald Etra says prosecutors have told him Rihanna will receive a subpoena to testify at a preliminary hearing June 22. The hearing will focus on whether there is enough evidence to continue the case against Brown. Etra said Rihanna will comply with the order. It would mark her first appearance in court since felony assault and criminal threats charges were filed against Brown in March.
Apparently in court Rihanna will be cross-examined by Chris Brown’s lawyer Mark Geragos who, depending on whether he’s been recruited from the internet or not, might well put it to Rihanna that Chris Brown didn’t beat her up and even if he did she deserved it because she sings in an odd way and is a skank and looks like she’s got a quite dirty bum. Let’s hope he doesn’t, because it’s actually perfectly legal to beat someone up if they sing in an odd way and are a skank and look like they’ve got a quite dirty bum. It’s in the bible.
But let’s save this speculation for June 22 – gosh, we’ve never been so excited about the prospect of becoming suicidally depressed by endless descriptions of graphic real-life man-on-woman violence!
You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!
The LULZ Sayer says
Failed to care.
Lulz worthy?
No. No it wasn’t.
:(
Louise says
Chris is a monster and a coward. He should man up, plead guilty, and go to jail. This it the only way that decent society can even start to forgive him from battering a woman, leaving her in the street alone, and running away with his tail between his legs. He cares about no one but himself. He is the monster that his mother raised him to be. She must be so proud. Jail is a great place for monsters to learn to pick on someone their own size. Someone needs to show Chris what it is like to be beaten by someone heavier and stronger where you cannot defend yourself. A real man would never lay his hands on a woman. Grow-up, walk away. Chris is really a lost soul. He needs to go back to school to learn proper grammar before opening his mouth again. He sounds like an uneducated fool every time he tries to speak. He needs to do the time for his crime and just fade away from decent society.
victoria says
you all are so ridiculous! You love to tear him down. He still have fans. You have nothing better to do then to “hate” someone else. If you dont like him then dont buy his album. What the point of all these hateful comments!
shooty* says
ya, you h8r, Chris is, like, totally innocent, OK, because he said he didn’t do it! Anyone who says he did do it is lying LYING, ok, just LYING. He can’t be guilty because a) he said he isn’t and b) I’m a fan, and know he’s never ever ever do anyfing like dis, and c) it’s a well known fact that people who have done things wrong ALWAYS, ALWAYS plead guilty to it, don’t they? YES THEY DO. And people who have not done anything, like Saint Chris, say “Sorry” becuase THEY DID NOTHING WRONG. The police are just h8ing on him coz they’re jealous of his teeth. Peace out.
Oh, by the way, Kerry Katona was on telly this morning. Not good.
Julian Mentat says
I know he should own up, Louise, and you know he should own up, but we can’t expect Chris Brown to know that.
Because if you watch his video clip a few times you will realise that, mentally, he is 7 years old.
Miranda says
I agree this is a depressing story that won’t go away. But I think a plea deal will be reached before this ever goes to trial. In a way I’d love for that to happen because I’d like for Rihanna to be able to move on. But, on the other hand, I would like her to testify so this guy would really get what’s coming to him. He’s earned jail time.
I do not think she’s peaked, though. For some reason I think she’s going to surprise. And I hope this incident is just a footnote in her career in the longrun. She’ll have to work hard to make that happen but it’s not impossible.
vickie says
Louise you sound like a monster with this post. He is not uneducated. I’m sure he is much smarter than you. What makes you so perfect to down talk Chris. You dont know him and what happened that night. GO find some other issue to tackle.
Slick J "227" says
Chris Brown is not a monster…he’s a hot head; hot like “CHILI” (lol)! Check out 227’s YouTube “Chili”-Chris Brown music videos at Jamaal Al-Din’s Hoops 227 (227’s YouTube “Chili”)-the everything basketball & YouTube entertainment website!
ashley says
ur a frinki dickid chris is not a monster u are more 1 than like of chris brown lusise frinki biatch**********************
ily chri
Cindy says
People need to stop minding other people business by now,Rhianna saga was well deserved. Women should not beat up on young boys, they are not their mama’s. If you get out of place you will get disrespected, and this is exactly what played out here. Whoever told her she can continue to be abusive by slapping other people children, This woman got to clingy in the first place, give the
young man a chance to breathe. He was only 19 at the time of the
Incident. He has to grow up and sort women out. But I do like to see him with Keri, Keri is quite a fine young woman.
Joe says
Hindsight irony: saying Rihanna peaked before the release of Only Girl in the World, Rude Boy and S&M. :D
Sometimes the future’s a bitch.